I pretended to be happy.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Actually, I really didn't started my day fine. My mom actually wake me at around 5:30 because she thought it was wednesday today because my class starts at 7:00am when it's wednesday since we're at Cavite pa, i need to wake up early and leave the house as soon as possible because traffic is just anywhere out there especially in bacoor. Anyways, when i arrived at school, i just pretended to be happy, YEAH like the WHOLE DAY. I dont want my friends to be affected, so i just go with the flow. Pretend to be happy, but I'm not. I copied notes and listen to Gray G. just to ease the pain i feel inside and maybe in this blog, I can let go of this emotion which is really making me sad and think and think and think. Then, when it was Filipino time, Mrs. Siat shared us a story about the guy who told a story to her. The other teacher who is telling the story to her was really surprised by one of his student who just shared his feeling that he/she is not really happy because he/she really feel alone, even in school or even in his/her own house. The student said "Sir, aanhin niyo pa yung malaking bahay kung wala ka namang kasama. Kung wala ka namang pamilya na bubuo" SHET. Tinamaan ako doon, when i heard it, my smile really turned upside down and mrs. Siat really recognized it because i was sitting infront of her since im at the front row. Anyways, when the class just ended i approached Mrs. Siat for the Hand Outs and i offered myself to bring it to the Xerox Machine since I'm going to xerox some of our Notes and Handouts Midterms is this week and next week. So, Mrs. Siat asked me if there's something wrong and i was shocked, Then i asked her why and she said to me na she really noticed me when she was telling the story. She said "Bigla ka kasing nalungkot anak" i said, "Hindi naman po, medyo may similarity po yung kwento niyo sa nangyayari sakin ngayon" Then she just smiled and said I'll be alright and just understand my parents. I went out of the room and I was really not that happy. Then when i saw Ram and the rest of the gang, I smiled and said to myself, "Shit, I still have them. Please Smile. Please." Then I felt relieved and somehow happy when Ram embraced me. Thanks Babe.
So, as what you read, I'm really not happy with my situation here at our house. My mom? I dont see her often. She's at Work, then when she gets home she doesn't even bother to say hi and checked if my day was fine or not. My Dad? I only see him when he's gonna drive me to school. We dont talk that much even when we're in the car. When it's dinner time, I dont have any family to sit beside me and eat dinner. When it's weekend, we dont have a family day like other normal family does. I'm really missing my old family. Who goes out every weekends. Go to the beach. Eats dinner together. Go to Mass together. The Sad part is, I dont have any siblings to be close with. I dont have the ideal family. I'm really sick of this.
"aanhin mo ang malaking bahay kung ikaw lang ang mag-isa doon"
Super Right. What will i do with this life if i dont have a family who i can depend on. I'm still sixteen years old and im not really ready to be that independent. I dont have a job to be like this. All i know is, I still need a family to support me, to love me, to feed me. I still need those care. Good thing i still have these wonderful friends and a understanding and loving partner. yes, my boyfriend.If they're not here, Pano na lang ako? Iiyak na lang ba ako palagi pag mag-isa ako?
I just want to end these things. I want to have a family again. I want to be happy again, especially being happy with my family that i really miss a lot.
If i could just reapeat the past, I'll never let this event in my life happen. I'll make a point that my family wouldn't be like this.
But, on the brighter side of thise day, Me and Gang Bang family went to 11th floor after class, We went to see the APPLE STORE in SDA. Yes, a store in our building. We saw MACBOOK AIR and it was really fantastic! :] I wanna steal it kaso it's bad. haha. Then after checking the store, we were planning to go to the rooftop, but the guard didnt allowed us so we went to the 14th floor, and took some pictures. ENJOY pa din. Then went to Duer Hall to xerox some of our notes then we went our seperate ways. Me, Ram and Pao went to Quirino to wait for a bus but it was really hard to find one na kasya pa kaming three. We decided to get a cab up to Coastal Mall and there we went our seperate ways also. It was really a tiring day for me, Lakad ng Lakad but i was never bored when I'm really with my Gang Bang. Thanks Guys, You guys really made a difference. LOVEYOU!