LOVED.

True-ish.

2010-02-12T22:45:00.004+08:00

he got my name under his skin and i fell for it.

OH.
I was surprised.
UNEXPECTED? oh yes i am.

but, i love it.
and it's an early V-DAY gift
for me and that's all i want.
True love? Yes, we're getting there.
we're definitely and im excited-ish.

Bhi, one thing i know,
this is what we're saying about.
Yes, it's ALWAYS and FOREVER.
nothing more, nothing less.
You and me, everyday. forever.

and to you DEAR.

2010-01-12T20:36:00.001+08:00

Never again to their level. I just figured out how lame that move was and that I've got better things to do than provoking a warfare and hoards of tittle-tattles in my blog.

Oh and before I finally end this: please quit smothering yourselves with repulsiveness all-over. Do spare a bit of shame because now I just pity you and all your cutesy-patootsy girlfriends.

For now, I just wanna be with you.

2010-01-08T13:39:00.002+08:00

Last night, I dont know what's happening to me. Simple slow music makes me all teary eye and It was definitely a gloomy day. I was about to cry before i start my thursday league and one things for sure, I dont know why.

Weird eh?
Ya, i know. I dont want to be you typical teenage drama queen but I can't help it.
All I know is i want to jump inside the car and drive to south. perhaps, 15 kms? Yah, i want to be in that same cold place that we use to hang and get intoxicated at the same time.

No. Im just kidding.
For now, I just want to be with you.

HELLO 2010!

2010-01-01T14:00:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL.
New year, New Goal, New Life! :)

Have a great year ahead guys.
Wish you all the best and goodluck in life.

BITTER.

2009-12-29T20:45:00.002+08:00

Too much bitterness can kill you.

Just accept that I'm happy and He's way more happier than before.
SUCK THAT.

Dont act like a kid. Those sissy moves aren't enough to bring me down. You, together with yer so-called friends are wasting your time. From the start you already lost coz if you really won why is he with me right now? HAHA!

I feel sorry, yes for you.

Oh dear, SPREAD THE LOVE NOT THE BITTERNESS.
Last time to lower down my level to yours.

Untitled.

2009-12-25T16:55:00.004+08:00

You need to have a little faith.
Not everyone you love is going to leave you.

Merry Christmas Y'all!

2009-12-25T16:17:00.002+08:00

May the true meaning of Christmas which is Love dwell in your homes
and in your hearts. A Joyous Christmas to you and your whole family!

Whew, Merry Christmas guys! Well, unfortunately I have nothing to do today. We're supposed to go out but, I dont know where the hell his car is. haha. Anyways. Last night, during Christmas eve, i celebrated it with my family and with Keith. It was nice and It was also the first for me to bring someone who's been special for me this past months and who's making me smile and laugh. It was nice because my mom and dad liked him together with my aunties and cousins. The night turned out just fine and enjoy, though he needs to go home early. HA!

Well. Christmas is about to end and I'm looking forward to our New Year's Eve Celebration.

Merry Christmas and Have a Safe day ahead.
(not really in the mood to write) :*

How's school so far?

2009-11-20T12:46:00.002+08:00

Whew. Just finished my first week in my new school. Yeah. The first week was a bit intense, tiring and stressful. You wouldn't believe that despite that it's just our first week, still it was the most stressful week i ever experience in my school days. It's not about the subjects not attending our classes but it's the long long long long line in the Administration Office.

Yes, I'm one of the students who sacrifice their class just to get my Registration form in that freaking office. Im on of the students who sacrifice in waking up so early just to be first in them line but I ended up being stuck in thje line for hours. yes, FOR HOURS. It was the literal HELL WEEK for me. but so much for that good thing everything is done and I hope next enrollment this wouldn't happen anymore. :)

So, how's my classes. So far so Good. Met lots of different people. there were the class clowns, the nerds, the kikay girls and the coll people. Got a new friend also and she's great. A girl like me so we really jive together. The Environment in our school is really nice eventhoug it's big, you wouldn't realize that you are walking in a long long path because of the cool breeze, it's hot but when the wind strikes your skin.... ooooohhhhh. it just felt good :)

So, i hope I'll enjoy more of my time here at De La Salle Dasmarinas and I'll really aim high this time. No too Gimiks first, i need to get that car!

So long guys. Take care! till my next post.

Where have you been?

2009-10-28T21:04:00.005+08:00

I feel like you're slipping away. I mean, I know i have no right to say but yeah this is what i feel. It blows that you have to be so far away. That our everyday talks are turned to once in a while that end up speechless. It's sad. Im left with SMS conversations that really have no point in them. I have no right to be jealous but I can't help it. Im so f*cking immature. I know.

"Pre-Occupied" is my new enemy.

I've never missed you this much, never thought I would. This cold air brings in such a distance from us and Im still waiting for you to say that you hate me because that's the only way for me to walk away.

Im sitting here all by myself, head down to hide the tears.

Where have you been? I've been waiting so long to hear from you and all the things that we said we will do, remains to be the plans of the past. We've been too quiet for too long. Where is the hope we once had? It's too late to be saved by your charm, We'll never get this right.

Your words are cold and the season is too. The comfort in your voice is gone. Don't keep in touch i guess Im better off all alone. You've lost everything that I loved.

Well alright, Im sorry I even tried.
I was a fool to have hope in you.

Why does it have to be in this situation, when one had fallen and left without any choice? :|

HYUNG! Happy birthday!

2009-10-28T20:22:00.004+08:00

It was unplanned but it turned out great. Since the REAL party is still on Friday, we still went at her house to celebrate her real birthday. I was planning to surprise my HYUNG (bro in korean, coz we're korean addicts!) but when I texted Rasha, she said that she's celebrating it first with her family and relatives but I got a text from her that will be celebrating it with her last night and we also need to her plan her debut on Friday. Yes it's still not done and we're cramming.

So much for that. Onto more important stuff.

The food was great. Yummy plus the Sansrival! It's was the best dessert I ever tasted. haha. exage much but it was really YUMMY! Beers were also present. Pulutan and more Beers.

So we danced. Planned then we danced again. We sung to the highest pitch of our voice then we laughed like it was our last day. Shet, that night was crazy. Yes. Super.

"Di bale nang SOBRA basta KULANG!" - Rasha.

See? Drunk much. hahaha. Funny sobra. Laughtrip for 20 mins. hahaha.
It was great. Complete din kaming SINGLE LADIES! Thank God. Paola's always missing in action. Period. Here, we're complete.

All the single ladies, all the single ladies..
YES! We're complete. Love you SL!

Basta, last night was a blast. I love it. Another great day with my girlfriends. Im looking forward to friday. The party will be hosted by SL and I know it will turn out great. Oh yes. Its not the typical Black Party. It will be great.

Im so excited. I'll be hosting some of the part of the party and i know. It'll be fun. haha!

What's happening?

2009-10-28T19:15:00.003+08:00

So. I've been busy lately. Oh shit, that's new. Well. Just got a weekend escape (Friday-Monday) with my long-time-no-see bowling partner LARA! Our weekend. Movie date @ Eastwood. We watched 500 days of summer and Yes, It's not really your typical Love Story. It's somehow Complicated and Annoying. hahaha. Annoying in a way that you don't get Summer in the movie. I dont totally get her! hahaha. Oh well, still had fun with my Lara Pot. OH GREAT! We saw JJ Helterbrand that night also and it i got amazed! Whew, Here i go again. I'm feeling the feeling that happened to me the night I saw him. Kilig Factor? hahaha. Then, after we chilled in Bed Room. haha. This was the funniest part that night. Someone approached me.

Guy: Miss, can i have your number?
Me: Ugh. No.
Guy: But why? my friends asking your number.
Me: Still doesn't make sense.
Guy: Please?
Me: Geesh. MAY ANAK NA AKO NOH! :))

hahaha. Laughtrip. But, the guy wasn't contented and the other guy, who is really the one who's asking for my number suddenly went to me and asked my number again. unfortunately he got my Jersey number and that's all he can get.

Drinks. Cocktails. Beer. Geesh, Yes I'm not fine. Done stupid things again. hahaha. Then before we left the there was this one guy also who asked for my number with the help of the waitress. hahaha I like him, but he's getting a wrong number. :P

SO GOT HOME @ around 2. Because we need to wake up early for Mass.
Then the next day. We went to MASS. Lunch date with Lolo Sixto. Training @ Rob Manila. Pancake Loading with ate Apol. Dinner @ Rockwell, Kaya Then DVD marathon till we sleep.

It was fun. fun fun fun. Gahd. After 7 months? Yes, I missed them a lot. Especially LARAAA!

(define happiness? There oh. So happy. So happy! )

When I got home. I felt tired and slept the whole afternoon and before I knew it, it was time to got to my Monday League. I wasn't prepared but good thing I scored Good! 864 for 4 games, not bad but I still need to have my 2 sets. Yes, I'm really BACK TO BOWLING! HAHAHA!

The next day? I feel something wrong. There's something that I'm missing. Ugh. Later.

Oh yeah, I miss him.

If i have one WISH.

2009-10-23T15:46:00.005+08:00

(yes, someone took this together with my heart.)
"Should've found a way to escape this. It's wrong. I know."
but i dont need a lot of wishes coz I'll be okey if i have one. if i have one wish.

I wish i have the guts to walk away from you,
but Im so scared because you might not run after me
and I guess, that will hurt the most.

No words can express my feelings.

2009-10-23T13:23:00.005+08:00

Type. Erase. Type and then Erase. Type again and Erase. Gahd. Erase Erase.

Since I ended my day last night, there were still flashing moments of us that I can't erase. I fell asleep thinking what this is really all about and then when I woke up today questions were still around me. This sounds stupid but I've been dealing with this for the whole week already and sad to say I still end up with the one who has no choice.

I tried not to use the word Him but it's him Im talking about. is it him or is it us? or wait, is there really US in this situation?

Yesterday, i can't explain what happened. I never thought of being with him the whole frikking day. I just brought my cam to get a rehab in Canon but it's just it. Yes, i know we'll see each other but I never expected to have a what, a date? uhm. again? HELLO IMAX? hi Pancakes there. Shit, I thought we'll just SEE each other for a while but things get messed up and i dont regret it. I actually, loved it.

When the wind was rushing through my skin since we went out that theatre I can't help but think and wish that day wouldn't end. Wish that we're in the right time to do this, I wish I met him 2 years ago when he was looking for love and when i was looking for someone to fill up the love that was lost in my heart but this isn't just the right time and we F*cking know that but we just can't stop it. Can't stop it.

Unexpected things happened and it's for you too fill those nasty things that fills up your mind but hey this one is different. I just can't resist those stares that turned out to the traditional thing that happens next, i mean for some people. You know.

There are lots of things I want to say, to ask but I just blurted the wrong words again. The three words that I shouldn't have said. Geesh. Is this really me? Im not the cheesy person type who'll just seat there and watch the water to run dry. Or to laugh to the korniest joke I've ever heard or even to cry because I can't deal with this anymore. Its started as a game for me, but I see myself in the end falling for my opponent. Geesh, where's the real niqui? or should I say the numb niqui. pft.

I just want to fly away and forget about this, but I can't.
Bestfriends? yeah sure. he's my best GUY friend, yeah sure. No problem.

I wanna disappear right now. *POOOOF!* Fuck, im still here.

I have lots of things to say that's clouding up my mind but I cant. My smiles were just turning into frowns. I can still remember how he touched my mouth just turn my frown to a smile then I made a fake smile and it just hurts even more. Does he even know how much it hurts? Does he even know I feel like this?

SORRY is just a word from him. is it also a promise that he'll never do it again?

(oh wait, phone call for me. It's my Best GF! Lia. Hold on)

okey. my ears are bleeding. exage much. haha. After an hour of talk. I can't still figure out what to do, she told me that I shouldn't have any problems with this because it should be him who will, you know, think about this. Its not me who has a complicated life (not until he came) but it's him who has a lot of thinking to do.

I wish. I really wish I have the guts to walk away but Im afraid because he might not come after me and I guess, that will hurt the MOST.

She told me, I should be happy. but how? Happy for now because I know he's here? but what If one day He'll realize Im just a trial for them, that I'm just a mere excuse for him to feel somehow a satifying feeling he haven't felt for a long time or Im just the Rebound thing because there are things he can't do with her. Or what if, its not. What if there's really something between us?

Something that should remain quiet. Something that has to be a secret.
or something that should be forgotten because this is just not the right time?

or is it something we really feel but we can't let it out. Ill hold on, until I can. but if my heart is too much in pain, I have no choice but to walk away. whatever happens.

BAJU'S DEBUT.

2009-10-23T12:43:00.015+08:00

Spell happiness with THEM! :)

During the 18th birthday of my labidabs.
MS. ANNE RAMIREZ!

She looked gorgeous slash sexy that night.
Never seen her before like that so I guess the flower really bloomed already.

I love you anne, thanks for the wonderful party.
The dance that we made? It's definitely for you beb.

Isn't she lovely?
Isn't she wonderful?
Yes lady, you look fantastic tonight.

I wanna go out!

2009-10-21T15:02:00.006+08:00

Geesh. It's been like ugh 2 days straight and Im still here infront of my laptop figuring things out. Like, how should I fix this Blog problem that I have!

I know how these codes work but they're really putting me on my last nerve. If you can see and If you're reading this I dont know what font this post is in right now. Whether it's 8 tahoma or 7. It's supposed to be 8! At first, when you enter my blog it's on 8 but try clicking the navigation on the left side of my blog, try clicking "entries", as you can see the fonts change to smaller fonts and it sucks! I hate it, i hate it and I HATE IT! -______-

I dont know what to do, I check my codes all over and over again but I dont see the problem. UGH? CAN SOMEBODY HELP ME? plus, putting a header up there? I dont know and It sucks, i know. I've been blogging like for how many years but still I can't figure things out like this. Ugggh. I feel desperate, I tried to change my layout but I still want the one with the navigation! huhu.

Can somebody help me? Donate a code with a navigation and a header?

I FEEL DESPERATE. or, if not just help me with the font thingie. pft.

So much with my problems, what's up with me?
Yes, I'm SICK! or i think I'm just feeling sick, but my temperature last night was high so I guess i have. a little. haha.

I had a hard time sleeping last night, though I really want to sleep coz im not really feeling well, i bid my goodnight to my textmates (oh shit, i didn't hear his voice.) but still my eyes are wide open. I tried to close my lampshade but crazy stuffs went on my mind so i turned it on again. I tried to drink lots of milk but my tummy turned upside down. I tried to read my book, and I finished it but still my eyes are open and suddenly I remembered something, oh yeah.

I MISS HIM. but, does he misses me?

Now, i know why and It sucks coz i dont have anything to do with it. I can't express how I feel. I can't say what my lips want to say. All i can do is to remember what happened and smile while reminiscing it but at the end of that, I see myself frowning and realizing that's just a memory that happened and can never happen again.

for now, i guess it wouldn't happen. i guess.

So much for drama. So much about how I feel.

on the brighter side of my life.
IM DONE WITH THE 3RD BOOK of the "it girl" Series by Cecily Von Ziegesar the author of Gossip Girl. It's about the story of Jenny Humphrey when she got to Waverly Academy for boarding school. Shet, it's a very nice novel and Im getting addicted to it. Good thing I bought the 4th book already the other day and now Im so excited to start with it. I hope in a few years from now, this will be a TV SERIES also like Gossip Girl! Can't wait.

Oh shit, I need to harvest first.

Why keep on smiling?

2009-10-20T21:01:00.010+08:00

"Why do you keep on smiling?
though you know your heart is aching."

Zanjoe: Bakit nakangiti ka parin kahit may problema ka?
KC: Kasi, pag nakangiti ako lumiliit yung mata ko,
kapag maliit na siya, nahihirapan nang lumabas mga luha ko.

Yes, she does have a point there. Let's smile na lang. ♥

From lollipop to Cigarettes.

2009-10-20T20:47:00.004+08:00

October 16,2009.

All i remember is that, that day was really a blast. We don't care what we look or where we ride as long as we have to make someone smile on her surprise 18th birthday we'll surely not think twice.

From south to manila, it was very tiring but it was all worth it.

HAPPY 18th Birthday to my one and only YB! Hannah Matti Espinoza! ayee, Legal ka na at pwede ka nang makulong. hahaha. Love you so much! Good thing you liked what we've done for you. Sayang hindi tayo kumpleto pero atleast you know who are the ones who have the effort thath day!

Dinner. Ice Cream party and More, it was one of the greatest day of my life with my girlfriends. So lucky to have these girls right by your side. Every single moment with is FANTASTIC!

Next debut? Kaye's DEBUT! :*

I wish it didn't end.

2009-10-20T14:11:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was a blast. I never expected to have a lot of fun with him. Yes, with him.

I haven't done this for a long time and I never thought It would just turned out fine. Walking thru that street and while the wind was rushing through my skin and I can't help but to think, is this really happening? Making voice over to the couples who are talking to each other just turned out enjoy and I can't help but to smile more when I see ourselves laughing together, Shit I haven't done this for a long long long time and yes I missed it.

Even I got shocked that Im actually with him the whole day though it really turned out great. Started with little conversations and laughs that turned me to red to me having these questions running inside my mind. Thoughts from his face that I cant understand whe I asked him and to those feelings that we can't show. We dont know what exactly we are doing but we like everything that happened. Everything bounds to happen for a reason and for that case, we don't know what's the reason for it.

We know from the start that it's wrong and it's unfair but we just can't stop it. Its like a drug that you know it's bad and it's killing you but still you crave for it no matter what happens or whatever consequence that might happen. That's how I feel, does he? I can't stop looking at those eyes that makes me lost in space. I can't stop but smile whenever our hands touched each other. I can't help but to think that I hope we're in the right time to do this but at the end of my thought, it's going down to a simple and one truth. It just can't be us.

Yes, it's a sad truth for me but Im in a situation that I dont have any choice but to feel the pain inside and to be hurt all by myself. I never asked for this but it came and now i want it to end. To end in a way that I'll still have him but I know it's waaaaaaaaaaaay impossible to happen. Selfish it is but I can't blame myself. I never feflt this feeling again until now. It was a long time since someone touched me like this and just looked at me perfectly, fix my bangs that's covering my face and even loved the way I smile. It was a long time since someone told me how he can't resist my smile.

For a minute there I lost myself.

I wish I could be with you right now.

I never meant for any of this to end, but then again I never meant for any of this to begin with. That's just how it is with life, the most beautiful days come completely by chance.

but for now, I'll let it happen.

Does he belong with me?

2009-10-17T13:38:00.003+08:00

That I really dont know.

It started with that one special day when I entered that room, it felt like there is something with this feeling I'm gping through. I never felt this feeling again, let's say uhmm.. Months or years ago since the last person made me feel this way. Damn, it just felt right.

Yes, I got scared feeling this nerve wrecking feeling coz I dont know where exactly this is leading. Yeah, I really dont know.

I can still remember the first day I saw those great "stay down". Me staring at you from a far distance to several hours talking on the phone. It started me getting drunk and got the guts to ask for your number and called you in the middle of the night just to say "hi" yes, I get weird when it's you Im thinking. I get nuts when it's you im talking and yes I get nervous when it's your voice Im hearing.

But, this is just some shit old story. so what If you're talking to me for hours, so what If im feeling some conncetions between us, so what if you have time for me if it's not you that I'm having. If she still owns you at the end of the day. That's just so hard but I dont know what to think.

I know this is some kind of crap that I can't help but to think about it.
This feelings i have for you, it needs to stop or else I'll loooooose.

Can't you just tell me, why? or should you just let go of what we're really having.
I'll miss those ABC's we're doing, those stuffs that we're talking about. The so called connection that I'm feeling.

Or am i just the one who thinks like this? feels like this?

OH GOD. It needs to stop before I fall completely inlove with this guy.

I tried to end but he won't.

2009-08-06T23:04:00.004+08:00

It was a very gloomy day.
At first, I never thought of ending what we have. We were very close yesterday, but we didn't see it coming. Because of a simple lie, it changed everything. I suddenly gave up from all the fights that I tried to fight just to have a nice, happy and loving relationship. I tried a million times but last night I got tired.

Im not the person who gives up easily. I try to fight as much as i can, I try to fix things as much a possible and I try to understand everything as hard as i can but things that i do was not enough.

I loved him, but it's still not enough. I understand him a lot, but damn, I'm still the one who leads to be misunderstand. I try to be loyal as much as possible but Im the one whose been betrayed.

Whenever we have our fight, Im the one who's chasing him and saying not to go and telling him we can fix this, we can start again, we can understand each other more but last night was different. I had the courage to let go and leave him alone. At first I thought he would just let me, but i was wrong. He tried to chase me, stop me from saying those words and even cried and beg for me to stay with him but I was TIRED already from being unappreciated, misunderstand and being betrayed.

He started to say those plans that we have in the future. Those PBA that we're planning to go. He even mentioned that what if one day I'll be walking down the aisle and he's not the one who's waiting for me down the aisle, then I said that's quite impossible. Why, he asked again and I said, I dont know.

He even told me, he wouldn't be marrying someone if it's not me. Then suddenly I asked myself, WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?? -- Now he's the one chasing around. Texting me to stop. aaaaargh. Im confused.

I end the day with him and saying, just let me clear my mind.
Let me think first. and he said he'll WAIT.

I said, Ill never go. just let me think for a while.
He said he's deepest sorry and even cried infront of me and it made me weak.

Now it's up to me, if i'll be back or I'll be gone for good.
is it too late for his black accord to catch me now?

but then again, I still LOVE him.

Weak, yes I'am.

2009-08-04T14:02:00.003+08:00

huwaw. it's been 3 months since my last post.
"OO NA! AKO NA ANG TAMAD!"
but as much as possible, ill be in touch. i miss this though.

BLA. BLA. BLA.

I just dont know how to keep this blog working.
I just dont know where to put my thoughts.
I just dont know what words to put.

I dont even know if im HAPPY right now.
I mean, I HAVE HIM but why am i like this?
I feel unappreciated, useless. I feel like everything i do is not enough for him.
Everything I do, whether it's big or small, it's still not appreciated.

unending fights, arguments and misunderstandings that makes me so weak.
one night we're fighting, the next day we're sweet.
SORRY -- One word that I can't take. Whenever you say it infront of me, i always become weak. I suddenly forget all the things that happened.

Even the worst words that you said infront of me, whether you're drunk or not, whether you're serious or not are suddenly forgotten because of that one word.

SEE. Im weak, and I guess I love you this much.
"People are not getting tired of loving, but people can get tired of being patient and understanding" -- I hope one day, he'll understand every little thing that I did for him. Every love that i gave.

All i want is to be love, the way i love him.

It's been a long long long time.

2009-05-14T16:49:00.002+08:00

Im soooooo LAZY again. Im not even updating my blog anymore. boohoo. But im trying to keep in touch as much as possilbe. Oh yes.

How's my life so far?
Uhm. Complicated. I guess.
I'll stop school for a while coz im not yet sure what course to take.
HAHA. Labo no? ngayon pa ako naguluhan.

So. I'll take a job, i guess for a while.
Call Center? uhmm. Dad's Clinic? or Mom's Office?

I DONT KNOW.
Please, help me. what should i do? Im freaking out.

Weekend Escapade 09.

2009-03-17T01:14:00.003+08:00

It started with a very nice sleepover at Lara's house. After our sleep, we woke up at around 6:30 to take a bath and started to load the car with balls and stuffs! Together with tito Sixto, Lara, Ate apol, Kuya Jeremy and Ate Kris, we went to the airport and that's where we started our tiring yet fun experience over the weekend. We checked in and before we knew it we were boarding!

Good thing, Van's Dad (an international pilot) called tito sixto and poooooof! we have our business class seats! Oh yes! Sooooooooo Sarap. Our trip was very relaxing. Lara and I we're enjoying every second of it! :)

We arrived Davao, atlast. It was a long trip for me. 2 hours wasn't that long for me before. Maybe because of excitement? hmmm. I guess. We landed there @ around 12 and it was raining. Oh my, it will ruin our plan of going to the beach. Shet.

So, we had lunch @ Tita Lisa's Restaurant. Chicken Rice was the best! Oh yes. I want more!
then we changed our clothes and it was time for our first set of 8 games.
Good thing I played nice.

The next day, when I got up i hurridly went to the curtains and i was happy to see the sun shining that day. It means, we're going to the BEACH! We went to Paradise Lost and had our YUMMY Lunch courtesy of Jeremy Posadas and Anne Marie Kiac. Talo kasi sila sa pustahan soooooo libre nila ang lunch namin :)

Then, we went to waters, sand and enjoyed the fishes! Good thing kuya Jeremy had an underwater protector for his Camera! :) Love it.

Then, we went back to the Hotel. Slept for about an hour then went to the bowling center again to check our balls and polished everything we need to polish. Then had our dinner @ Penongs. Super duper sarap! Countryside style but way more cheaper here in Manila :)

Went back to Hotel because the next day, we still have a master finals to finish.

Well, my night didn't went well. I had a hard time sleeping and it was 2:00am already and my eyes were still not shutting. That's why i had a hard time waking up.

I lost the match play, but it was alright. It was a great experience after all.
I cheered enough, laughed enough, made freinds enough.

I made them happy for the past 3 days and I know that.
All of my jokes, punchlines, hirit and Korean accent drove them craaaaazy and that's what matters most! :D

I enjoyed a lot. Super, im looking forward on going back next year because my lara pot still has a title to retain! :D

No more tears just smiles.

2009-02-08T21:10:00.003+08:00

Im through with gloomy stories coz my heart is so sick with it. Despite the fact that Im through with I also have a new plan in my life that Im starting to do and there are lots of good things that are happening to me this past months!

In my bowling career, so far so Good. I just had my first tournament of the year from a year of rest. I didn't bowl that much last year because I was focusing on my studies, now I can manage to do bowling and studies at the same time. High Grades and Good Scoring games. Back to the tournament, we joined the 2nd Asian Universities Bowling Championships held in E-lanes @ Ortigas. I was hell of a fun! Singapore NTU, participated as well as the local Universities like, De La Salle College of St. Benilde, Ateneo de Manila, University of the Philippines and University of Santo Tomas. Good thing I bowled well even I just came back from my long long long vacation from bowling, it was also a year when I stoped playing bowling because of some circumstances.

Anyways, so much for that. Congratulations to myself because I won 3rd place in All Events and Me and Lara Won Gold Medal during the Doubles Event! Nice Job Paa! hehe. I really did enjoy this tournament. Yii, with some other reasons also. haha.

So, as what the title of this post says. "No more tears just smiles" because I'm doing what's best for me. I promised myself that I wouldn't find love, I'll let love find me. Im through with boys, up to Big time crush muna ako. No serious love life. I swear, I just makes me upset or whatever. Crush lang, Promise. (Actually, i have a new one!) hahahaha. Anyways, I'll focus more on Bowling and studies.

I'll shift courses na din! I'll shift to Interior Design, my first love and that's final :*
So long guys, watch out for my posts. Happy posts to be exact.

and ZEEE. Im happy na, but still I'll make kwento!

Here I go again.

2009-01-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

Im doing exactly what I did last 4 months ago.

I cant explain why, and i thought i was over it. I was wrong and now I dont know what to do. Please, teach me how you do those stuffs. Being cool and changing cards every now and then. I can see that everything's doing well with you. You come and go and before I knew it, it's not only me who's feeling this way.

I dont know what to say, and I dont want to think that Im really sure of what Im feeling. I dont know If I'm really still the old person whom you walked away. I dont know if this heart is still beating the same way. I dont know if I should still feel this way.
After all, 1 month is very enough for you, but for me it took several months to pay and Im still not sure if im done with it. Yeah, call me stupid for staying like this. I dont know, but I stay inlove with you.

.. please, i want to escape from this.

It's useless and dissapointing.

2009-01-21T09:34:00.002+08:00

"Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought, useless and disappointing. "

I never thought of waiting for someone who just blew me off. I've waited for about 4 hours and still he didn't show up. I remember the time when I cant sleep alone because its really raining hard, those dark moments of my life was suddenly reapeated last night when I was in that room. It was already dark outside but still I waited for him. I tried to contact but a little "SORRY" was the only thing that I recieved.

Suddenly, I got up. Fixed my things and went outside the room. The wind blew hard on my face and wiped my tears. I remember the first time I saw him, the first time he smiled and talked to me it was the same floor, same room and same time but different him. I remember exactle what he told me and it almost turned me into a large apple because my face turned red. Oh, those days that reminds me why I love him so much. I can call it a Love at first sight. When I catched the elevator, I saw one of my friends and asked me. "OH? Are you crying?" Then I said, "No, I just feel like sleeping na." The typical palusot ever.

I reached the ground floor. Still no sign of him, still no text from him. Then I suddenly saw my reflection through those glass windows, then I saw a girl who looks stupid for waiting for someone whom I know from the start will blew me off. I didn't give up, that's all. I had hope and that hope turned me to someone who I felt sorry for.

Why did I waited for you? SHIT. Maybe because you said you love me eventhough I know you didn't mean it. Here comes the "HOPE" part. Why do you ask me to look at your face and tell that you love me if i know from the start you have this someone whom you really love? Why say I love you if you really didn't mean it? Why say you care if you just left me behind waiting for you all night long? Why say you wouldn't leave me but from the start you left me hanging by myself? Why say i love you in the first place? :l

All of these are Major crap. Now, I hate you for real. I'll try not to talk to you during classes nor look at you. If I can, then I will. You just broke the other half of my heart because months ago you broke the other half. Now you broke the whole thing, let me ask you one thing.

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

Let's talk about random.

2009-01-18T16:00:00.002+08:00

How's the weekend? How's my training? Well. It's fun, cool and enjoy! Friday night was awesome. Bonding ako with Lara! Since I sleep at their house every friday to sunday we always go out every friday. If we dont get our massage at FEET FOR US, we'll be watching a Movie. Well, Last friday we went to Eastwood and watched Bride Wars. It was a very interesting Movie and it was very Funny. Starring Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson. It was funny and very inspirational. I even named my blizzard and Lara's blizzard Emma anf Liv because it was the name of Anne Hathway and Kate Hudson in the movie. After the Movie, we went window shopping then went to Timezone. We played our favorite game, the Dance Mania using our hands! :)) I forgot the name but it was definitely a fun experience again. I missed playing it, I always remember the Rockwell days whenever I play that game.

Even Bestfriends can't share the same wedding day.

A clerical error tests the lifelong friendship of two brides-to-be by scheduling their respective weddings at the famed Plaza Hotel on the exact same date in this romantic comedy starring Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson. Ever since they were little girls, Liv and Emma have bonded over planning their weddings down to the very last detail. Now, both in their mid-twenties, Liv and Emma have each found the men they want to spend the rest of their lives with. But while most of the details regarding their respective weddings don't overlap, the one thing that both Liv and Emma have always dreamt of is holding their ceremony at the legendary Plaza Hotel -- New Your City's ultimate bridal destination. Unfortunately, a simple clerical error has scheduled both of their weddings on the exact same date, at the exact same place. As a high-powered lawyer who's used to getting her way, Liv simply isn't willing to settle for anything less than perfection. And though simple schoolteacher Emma has always placed the needs of others above her own, the prospect of making any sacrifices on her big day brings out her inner bridezilla in ways that shock her unsuspecting friends and family. There was a time when Liv and Emma would have done anything for each other, but now that the two best friends are at odds over who will get their dream wedding and who will have to settle for second best, the lacy gloves are off and it's all-out war.

HAHA. It's a very romantic/comedy movie. I enjoyed watching it and I even became detailed about it. Yes, i love the movie. Better watch it guys!

How's my training? So far so gooooood! :) Im loving training days. Nasisipag na ako para sa Team Singapore and Team Kuwait. My goal for this year is to have an International Competition and Im doing my best to achieve that Goal of mine.

How am i feeling right now? Hmm. I cant explain it. I feel depressed, guilty and kinda pissed with some people who is still bugging my frikking quiet life. I just cant blame people to be them but sometimes, I ask myself "What's with me that they always think that everythings about them?" Hayy. People. People. People. I dont get them. Anyways, I'll just focus on some things like my Homeworks, upcoming reports and my own life. One thing, I miss highschool. Less stress.

Let me walk away.

2009-01-15T01:26:00.010+08:00

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing.

With a broken heart that's still beating.

In the pain there is healing.

In your name I find meaning so I'm holdin' on.

Here I go again. Confused.

You're here again. Seating next to me. Being sweet and whatsoever.
are you here to make me happy? or you're here because you're not yet done breaking my heart.

Why is fate putting us together again?
Of all people, why you?

I thought I've moved on already but I'm wrong. I tried not to talk to you but I cant.
I tried to slip away but my heart is pulling me back. I tried to glance but I end up staring at you.
I tried to forget you but you're always occupying my frikking mind.

How am i suppose to be happy when you're not with me?

You dont have any idea that I feel this weird being with you.
am I crazy or falling inlove? is it really just another crush?

I try and try to walk away, but i know this crush ain't going no where :l

Yes, Im loving third term.

2009-01-15T00:47:00.002+08:00

You can call my schedule the worst schedule ever but i dont care. Suprisingly, Im enjoying. Im not really the type of person who wakes up early just to attend the most boring class. Screw them, I'll not waste my time and infact I cant wake up early. Im not a morning person, in short.

So usually my class starts at 4 and ends in 9 pm. Long day? ugh. yes. Tiring? not that much. ENJOY? Superrr! There were lots of unexpected things that is happening for the past day. It's been a week since my 3rd term started and hell yeah, Im enjoying it a lot. I have 20 units and I took up some advance classes in my Design Foundation subjects since i ran out of slots for some of my subjects because I was a late enrollee. (Screw Gabo!) hahaha.

PROFES1 -(TH 6:00-9:00pm) Advance class. I'm the youngest and Im loving it. All of my classmates are already sophomore student and Im the only Frosh student in the class. Good thing I made new friends. This class is a very very long class. 3 hours and it's my last subject.

INSOCIO - (TTH 1:00-2:30) My class reminds me of my Highschool class. There were lots of funny students and cool people. Im starting to love it and i have two new friends. There's Pin and Resah.

FILIP13 - (TTH 4:20-5:50) My favorite class so far. Lots of unexpected people were there especially him. So happy! It really surprised me yesterday. It was awesome. Our teacher is funny/wild and somehow a "palengkera" type when it comes to talking and telling jokes and one more thing, she looks like POKWANG! Promise.

WORLITE - (MWF 3:40-4:40) Boring? I dont know. tama lang. I made two new friends. It's Hash and Danica. We're noisy sometimes because we really jive on each other especially when my mouth couldn't stop from telling jokes and observe a lot of things! :))

PHILOMA (MW 6:00-7:30) I have class in AKIC and yes, outcast ako. Everybody wears a coat and a tie or a skirt and a blouse. In short, they wear what earl wears. It's the frikking corporate attire. Im a pariah whenever I go to that building. I always wear the kind of trend where SDA people are more suited with it. a normal jeans and a shirt plus my colorful zoo york and Im done. haha. When it comes to the subject, It's still pretty confusing for me.

JOSERIZ (MW 7:45-9:15) After running from AKIC to Main Campus, I'll be having one of the boring class. For me, it's not really boring because I really love studying things about the past. I love history. haha.

ILOVEMYSUBJECTS. Especially Filip13. Oh my god, here I go again.
Tomorrow, I'll be having my Filip13. Exciting. I'll got the chance to see him again. Yesss! :)

Goodnight World. Till tomorrow. Spread the word. Im back! <3

No I ain't done yet.

2009-01-14T22:56:00.002+08:00

YOW! Oh yes, I'm back from my Hiatus.

It's been almost a month since I last wrote an entry and it's about my Hiatus. Last term was a very stressing term for me. There were lots of things to pass and deadlines to meet. Whew, good thing it's done and Im now facing a new step in my life. Yes! HELLO 2009! New life, promise.

So, how's my holiday? It was the BEST Holiday so far. Eventhough we just celebrated our Christmas and New Year in our house we still enjoyed it. There were lots of foods, games and competition. HEP HEP HOOORAAY! was the most bentang game this year. For me, I did welcome 2009 with an open heart and I definitely started it right.

New stuffs about me? IM BACK TO BOWLING! Yes, you read it right. I'm active right now. I go to trainings every Saturday and Sunday and I'm staying @ Lara's House every weekend. I'm trying by best to achieve my goal for this year and my goal is to have an International Open. So, we'll be having our scoring (qualifying round) starting this Saturday for the TEAM SINGAPORE AND TEAM KUWAIT. I'm so excited, after a year of stop bowling I just cant hide the feeling of being excited every training.

Another thing that I'm paying a lot of attention right now, except in my bowling career. I'm still focusing on my studies. Yes, I'm aiming for my goal to be a Dean's lister. I spent my free time at the Library just to review for my next class. Eeeew, am I being the new geek here? I hope not. I'm enjoying my 3rd term so much and Im meeting a lot of NEW FRIENDS! So lovely.

My new year's resolution? Here it goes.

TO BE EXTRA GOOD - Yes, I'll be good with my parents especially with my Dad. I'll try to understand him more and I'll less the arguements with him. I'll try to Shut up as much as possible.
DEAN LIST - Yes, I'm trying to. This term. If not, grades no lower than 2.5 will do and it's still Dean's list! hahaha.
TRAIN MORE - Promise, I wont be the lazy kid like before. I'll train more and pay more attention during trainings. Tiyaga ang kailangan! :)
BE MORE RESPONSIBLE - Last year, I lost a couple of wallets and I lost my Itouch & 3 ID'S. I've been the most Irresponsible girl last year and I fully admit it. Promise this year I'll be more careful with my stuffs.
CAREFUL WITH MY HEART - There were lots of guy who broke my heart. I think I'm gonna rest right now and focus on the things that is really important. I dont know how far will I go but I hope this year wouldn't be a bad luck for me when it comes to heart situations.
HAVE FUN - Despite of the Goals and so many things that I want to happen, I'll promise myself that while Im doing those things Im also having fun and enjoying it! <3

Those were my New Year's Resolution for this year. As far as I know, Im doing well in my school and Im training hard. Im being more organize this time and I haven't lost anything so I think it's a good start. another thing that I want to attain is to loose weight! haha. I dont know, but I feel big. When I ask my friends, they say nothing changed. I look good, not really fat but i feel fat. hahaha. I dont know, I just want to loose pounds! :)

2009, here I come.

HIATUS! beybeh.

2008-12-12T17:19:00.003+08:00

I've been busy for the past weeks. There are so many deadlines to pass.
Thesis papers.
Projects
and most of all, a heart to fix.

I'll be back as soon as my Finals are finish. I'll be back to bussiness when 2nd term ends.
Oh, another news. I wont be having an apartment but a DORM! geesh. I know it super sucks.

More kwento. Next time. <3

Team Building/Family Day.

2008-11-30T22:44:00.007+08:00

SABI MO SASAYAW TAYO?
eh, nasan ka na ngayon? hay. masyado lang ba talaga akong nasabik? ♥

La La La.

How's my sunday? Well, its fun. We've spent our sunday together with my ITBA (Imus Tenpin Bowling Association) Family @ Silang, Cavite. We went to the farm and it was sooooo nice. Very peaceful and relaxing. The wind was blowing so hard that i wore a jacket and a long sleeves. It was cold but not toooo much. The weather was inconsistent but it wasn't a hindrance for us not to enjoy the day.

To start off the day, we went to mass together. Then after the mass the Team Building was started. We were broken into small groups and I was assigned to improve the 250/225 Club Finals. After the talk, we had our LUNCH. Our suuuuuuppeerrr duuuupppeeerr yummy lunch. We ate @ the banana leaves and used our hands! SARAPP! :) After our lunch, I couldn't but to sleep first. I went inside and took a nap and before I knew it, it was a very long nap. I woke up at aound 4:30 and i think i've missed a lot of fun but I wasn't toooo late for that. We roam around the farm to pick some veggies and fruits.

after the discussion and everything, i went to the terrace and sat at the rocking chair. I cant help but to think of him. I went EMO again. I turned my Ipod and switch to my "SAD" playlist. Oh well, towel. I miss him so much that i couldn't of anything but to be with him. Grrrr.

We went home @ around 9 pm and my parents went straight to bed. Im still uploading the pictures. You want to view it? Just click this!

ANYWAYS, tomorrow will be another busy day. Me and My mom will gooooo shopping for Christmas presents and new clothes! Yipeeeeee. Night World. Night Robots! :D

I'll be hanging around.

2008-11-29T11:04:00.004+08:00

how is it that right now, I let myself to fall inlove? I've never got the strength to overcome the feelings that Im starting to have for you. I didn't do anything to make it stop because the siege of love debilitated me completely. I tried to cut it off and ignore the feeling of being inlove but it's not enough because the time we've spent together can never equate the feelings i have for you.

is it too fast? Yes, i know it's too fast. You dont even know that this feelings exist or you dont even know that i'm in a state of extreme agitation or excitement. I can feel the rush of my blood running through my veins when I see you walking from a distance. I can see myself smiling whenever something pops out my mind and makes me remember something about you. The picture of you wearing that oh-so-hot shirt that really makes me feel like shit and i just cant get over it. No one has ever made me feel this way before, the feeling of being happy and excited with a little bit of being sick of being hopeless.

I want it to stop but i dont know how. I never thought of taking this risk because I know it would not lead to any of my frustrations. I cant stop but dreaming and I wont stop from bleeding. If I'll stop this reverie, I might even see myself smiling but if I wouldn't stop this inconsistent feeling, i might broke my heart and regret this for the rest of my life. You always come and go but you stay very low is there a time in my mind when you’ll leave me alone? cause they’ve said to me once i don’t need you but how cant i just accept the frikking truth that you wouldn't be always here by my side.

I dont know exactly what you've done to me but whenever i remember that night it makes me feel like I shouldn't have known you from the start because it wont stop me from thinking "Why did it happened?" and i'll start to think maybe there's something you feel for me but its a hopeless thing anyway. So should I walk away? or stay for a while?

I'll be hanging around just for now. I'd never looked for this, it just came by and I grabbed it. I dont know what this is all about but I know it's about me being what I'm before. I deserve to be happy. I know I deserve it. I always thought of happy endings, but now I've learned that not everything is a fairy tale. I thought fairy god mothers, my dream prince and a far away kingdom always exist but I'm wrong. All you need is a simple man to fulfill the love that you're craving for.

Little N is inlove, dont you think she deserves to be loved? :l

Something to play with.

2008-11-28T21:11:00.003+08:00

i grabbed this Random Blog post from John Lao :)

APRIL = PIMP
1. APRIL means that you're really good looking.
- really? haha. Im loving this thing! :P
2. Stubborn and hard-hearted.
- Oh yes, but am i hard-hearted? You can change it to HARD HEADED! lol.
3. Strong-willed and highly motivated.
- Ugh, actually.. I dont have any motivation right now for school but it's just for now. just for now. harhar.
4. Sharp thoughts.
- MAYBE. Hmmmmmm, slightly agreeeee. Though some of my thoughts are for play, nonsense and whatsoever! haha.
5. Easily angered.
- Oh yes, When someones really bugging me and puts me on my last nerve, I'll shout to the highest pitch of my voice and he/she will just freak out.
6. Attracts others and loves attention.
- Attract? Hmmmm, maybe? and yes, i soooooo love attention but not to the point that I'll be the EPAL GIRL. bwahaha.
7. Deep feelings.
- Super Yes, I have these deep feelings. I believe that everyting that happens, it happens for a reason. There's no such things as "wala lang".
8. Beautiful physically and mentally.
- OH SURE. HAHAHAHA. No Comment? :P
9. Firm Standpoint.
- Ugh, i guess? hahaha.
10. Needs no motivation.
- SO WRONG. I need motivation. I need. I need one, please.
11. Shy towards opposite sex.
- NOPE, Im not. hahaha. Sorry, but Im a friendly person! LMAO.
12. Easily consoled.
- Oh yes, Im soooooooo easy to be consoled.
13. Systematic (left brain).
- Really? HAHA. I knew it. I knew it.
14. Loves to dream.
- Super, but not to the point that I'll bullshit lots of things! :))
15. Strong clairvoyance.
- UGH? Ano daw? Hmmmm. Tissue please.
16. Understanding.
- Super, Im the one who's always understanding someone.
17. Everyone loves to be around you.
- YES, My friends and fins. Im the Group Clown, that's why.
18. You always attract attention.
- Really? Maybe because of my stupid/funny/extra-ordinary moves, jokes and looks! haha.
19. You are definitely the sexiest and good looking of them all.
- REALLY? How i wish? Just kiddin'.
20. You know how to get what you want.
- Correct, but now.... I just dont know how.
21. Sickness usually in the ear and neck.
- What do you mean? Yeah. I dont hear well but I like being touched on both parts.
22. Good imagination.
- Sabi nila, Artist daw kasi ehhhh. haha.
23. Good physical.
- Maybe, ngayon lang nung nag colleg >:P
24. Weak breathing.
- YES YES. The doctor told me that it's normal because of my scoliosis and I have asthma.
25. Loves literature and the arts.
- Ohyes, YES! I love literature soooooooo much. Same with arts, they're my 3rd life.
26. Loves traveling.
- YEAHHH, I have a mole on my foooot.
27. Dislike being at home.
- Yes, especially when i dont have something to do.
28. Restless.
- I have a high tolerance of being tired.
29. Having many children.
- i want 3 only.
30. Hardworking.
- only when i love what I'm doing. but if i dont, IM NOT.
31. High spirited.
- I GUESS. I dont give up easily.

- if you re post this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days.
(Is it? him? :P )

Some of them are true, some of them are bullshit. Im bored, that's why I grabbed this. Very interesting right? If you want to know yours, just click Lao's name up there and there is a link to his multiply.

Another random crazy stuff to ponder and discovered. :*

I wanna dance with you.

2008-11-28T19:10:00.008+08:00

"The habit of thinking someone can lead either of two serious consequences. The first one is, Intense addiction with paranoia or falling inlove"

Now i know but I'm not sure, am i really falling inlove?

How's my day? Uhm, it was pretty boring and very early to finish. I went home at around 5 and it's very unsual for me. I always go home at around 7 or 8 because i still hang out with my fins but a while ago it was suprisingly different. I was expecting to end the day so happy but I was wrong. Vince has a Dance practice, Cara will meet her bestfriend and have a party and Joanna will bring Ralph to their house to meet her parents and have a party also. What about me? Ugh, bummer. I went home early and my parents were shocked but happy because im home for dinner. Actually, we just finished eating our dinner. Yummy steak and mashed potatoes! :)

My day wasn't that fun. Im gloomy but I didn't let my fins see it. I still laughed with them especially when we were riding the pedicab, i still enjoyed the photo sessions and most of all i still answered my Algeb Quiz eventhough my mind is not really focused on it. Yes, he's still clouding up my mind. From the first day I met him he didn't left my mind. Every second of the day, he's on my frikking mind. From the moment i woke up till i close my eyes he's still on my mind. is this obssesion? or love? if it's either the two, then why???

I've met him only for a couple of days but it seems like I know him for a long time. We talked, but not we totally dont have any communication. I should be on stage of forgetting him because we dont talke anymore, but it makes me think of him even more. Aaaah, what have he done to me? I'm not usually like this. When I have a crush, I only have a crush. Just a crush. But right now? It's totally different, WAAAAAAAY DIFFERENT. What's the matter Niqui?

I write poems on my paper, Smile whenever something makes me remember of him, make heart doodles on my notes. I even write his whole name in my notebook, ohmy this is ridiculous. This is not me, is this what you call crush? Having his initials on my hand, my paper, on my notebook. Having those day dreams being with him. Looking at him from a distance or even walking through a building which is soooooo far from my room hoping that our path will cross somehow. Please, dont get me wrong. This is not obssesion, I just.

I dont know.

Let love do the rest. Let the emotions take cover. After all, it's just emotions taking me over.

Hello color Red.

2008-11-26T22:24:00.006+08:00

I'm desperate to know how you are, i hope you're deep asleep. Ive been awake for days trying to study every inch of your body in this picture, from a distant state, when I could safely sing, nothing in this world could tell me down it anyway, but like a dream you disappeared, without a sound, without a trace. Sleep well darling, where ever you are, i hope that your happy tonight, and maybe you've found someone who'll love you right. Sleep well darling, i'm desperate to say now I need you now more than ever, but all I could say was goodnight.T his is for a girl back home, he tore down all my walls, Left me for all he had known, But I pushed it all away from me, and no no even if I knew, Even if I knew what to say to you, It's just too late to make you stay. I'm sick of fighting this broken fate, but someone else gets to tell you that you're handsome. It's the last thing I want but its all that I've got, It's the last thing I need but I still carry you in my heart, In my heart.

"Complicated" - photo taken by yours truly.

"Take it or leave it." Where the words you chose over mine. So much reminds me of you and I miss your smile. 10.01 and this night is gone. I spent it ill while the world moves on. If time alone were the brush that paints with solace and misfortunate, my life would be a work of art. And I've seen this all before. Things shouldn't have gone this far. We shouldn't have gotten so close. But what made me believe? Was it the guy who made her forget all she's know. Every time he looked into her eyes. Or was it the boy who decided to give up his heart, and run away. Today is gone, tomorrow is mine but I'm still alone. Bleeding out so much more, spilling blood since you've left. If I had a second chance id live a life waiting to death. So I walk to the store. I spent a buck fifty in quarters to buy the ring you said you liked, cause I'm thinking of you now. Now I drive to the coast. The place where I drown all my fears. Let the water set me free. I'm screaming can you hear? Or is this the end of everything I loved? Are we destined for more? Why can't you look me in the eyes and tell me what you want to. I know you want to so bad! But I've seen this all before. Things shouldn't have gone this far. We shouldn't have gotten so close. What made me believe? It was you who made me forget all that I've known. Every time I looked into your eyes. And it was me who decided to give up my heart and run away. Today is gone, tomorrow is mine, but I'm still alone.

Im starting to have these mood swings again.

Type, No Erase!

2008-11-26T01:58:00.005+08:00

It's different when Im with her.

it's so confusing cause i don't know who's right or wrong, are you right or wrong? i don't know how everyone can care for just themselves. From all they're losing , they'll never know what's right or wrong, and i'm right, not wrong. But I'm not saying I'm the greatest thing beneath the sun, I only say things so you won't make the same mistakes, i'll do what it takes. Sweet temptations die for a good time, and you wonder why. Swinging yourself on by in my mind, I wish that I Could see how you are now and it's a sad life, watching everybody live it wrong. It's so pathetic on why hell it has to be the way we are. But you don't need this, everyone is telling you something else. It's so confusing, you never know what's right or wrong, but I'm right - not wrong. So turn it up, give it all you want, remember things that you forgot, now throw them away live or die, the sun will rise, the ocean tide will save it all for another day.

- -

WRITE NO ERASE MODE. I'll type what's on my mind. No erase. Game.

I dont know why am i feeling like this. The feeling of being nervous when you're around. The smile wont get off of my face when you're passing thru me, what is this? Is it the unconditional feeling that everybody's feeling? Oh my, the feeling that Im SOOOO scared to face. I dont know, am i feeling it right?

Days have passed but you still occupy my mind. How is it that i like you this much when the time we've spent together never equate the feelings i have for you? is it the way you make me laugh? or the way you look at me with those strange eyes that really make lost in space? Tell me, is this part of your jokes that turned to serious matter? Oh, please.

Where have you been? You've been lost for a couple of days but still Im thinking of you. Im blaming the person who seats next to you because maybe he's the one who took our communication away. Oops, Just kidding, i just cant believe Im writing like this right now.

Why am i writing right now? What comes out of my mind i write it down without any doubts. Shit, this is nonsense. I dont know, Am i inlove?

Finally, i said the word. "Inlove" I've never heard this since someone broke my heart. Yeah, that 1 month and 2 weeks slump as what he said really made me believed about estrellas and promises. Those stars, roadtrips and everything, everyting that reminded me of us but hey that event was done and in the process of putting in my recycle bin but not to re-use it, but to permantly erase.

Love? Is this love? or some silly old occasional infatuation. I dont know, it's weird that its been a week since i started thinking of him, sad to say Im still stuck with him.

Who's this guy? I dont know. I just met him months ago, but why is he bugging me so much? Geeeeesh, what's with him? Is it the way he smiles? The way he looks? or the way he makes me smile eventhough he's just passing by the hall? argh.

OHMY? Is this, ugh. the thing that Im avoiding. what is it? hmmm. the occasional unconditional feeling? the thing that people like to recieve from someone.

ugh, is this.. LOVE? : god, i cant believe i just wrote this blog. shoot.

This place is a hell, not home.

2008-11-23T21:25:00.008+08:00

I HATE MY DAD. I thought we're okey already but things began to messed up and Im here ending up crying again. Im a person who doesn't like being shouted especially when Im talking nice to a person, actually i was begging for his permission but he end up shouting on me. It was really embarassing because a lot of people heard it my mom's friends were here and they witnessed what happened. It sucks that I ended up being wrong and as usual he's right.

Im so sick of this frikking life. How can I be so wrong when things are sooooooo clear that Im right? and another thing, you dont need to shout coz Im not a retard! I have two ears and their working just fine. Im not a deaf, i can hear you. You dont need to throw things on me, that is so wrong. It's an immature act and it's very embarrasing. Tomorrow, I'll be looking for apartments, condo units or dorms just to be away from this hell. This is not a home for me anymore, this is crap. This is bullshit! Sorry if I have to be like this but Im sooooooooooo frikking pissed and he just put me on my last nerve.

I know that in any angle you would look in our situation, I'll always end up wrong. Congratulations to me and I suck in this. I cant deal with him anymore, I try to understand him everyday. I always seek for God's advice but I just cant absorb. Lots of questions still clouding up my mind and it sucks to know that I cant do anything about it. Im so tired dealing with this crap. All i want is to bring that F*cking Camera to school for our project and you end up shouting those nonsense words that's not even our topic.

Please. Stop this childish act. Be sensitive enough. You're hurting me too much, dont let me walk away from you and loose my respect to you. You're my dad, I respect you but sometimes you need to be fair with some stuffs, especially when it's SOOOOOOO OBVIOUS that I'm right and sad to say, you're wrong.

Hope he can read this because Im sure I cant say this infront of him.

IM SO TIRED AND I WANNA SKIP THIS PART OF MY LIFE.
I wanna be free from this problems, I cant deal with it anymore. Seriously, Im not over re-acting here but this incident happened a lot of times and Im sooooo Frikking Tired with it! : I wanna be out from this hell. I want to have a REAL HOME. Please.

This is not a good sunday.

2008-11-23T18:19:00.004+08:00

First thing's first, Im okey with my dad. Although, Im still kinda bitter but it's a good news that we're actually speaking with each other later this morning.

So today is a very boring day. I didn't watched Skechers and I hate it. I didn't saw him. Boohoo. I'm not doing anything for school. (Reflection Paper, Schedule, Review for a quiz) I just stared at my laptop for the past 6 hours of my day. Ate and went back to my laptop again. Photoshoot with my pamangkin, changed my blog and that's it. Very lazy, very very very lazy. Nothing for school. Swear. When will I be like Jennifer? haha. Dream on Niqui.

i had a to do list for today but i didn't do almost all of it:

Do my Insocio Reflection Paper.
Watch Skecher @ Araneta Colliseum/2pm
Bring Rylai to the Vet.
Buy a new book @ Powerbooks.
Have my 3rd sticker @ Starbucks.
Review for Comsk1 for the Long quiz again.
Sleep early to prevent those f*cking pimples.
Cook/Eat Shrimp Pasta.

See? I didn't do anything. Lazy me. I didn't go to Mass also. Sh*t. I'm sooooo Lazy today and I'm having those frikking menstral cramps and it hurts so much. I cant concentrate! Fuck! :

La La La La ~~ Photoshoot?

MY MOST FAVORITE SHOEEEEES. Very Comfortable kasi, but i want to replace a dunk for this. Please Lord, make my father understand that's okey for a girl to wear a dunk :))

Later guys. I'll be posting another post later, about what I really feel! I'll be sleeping for a while or watch a tv series or much better, to do my INSOCIO REFLECTION paper. Damn.

I wanna run from this.

2008-11-22T16:10:00.012+08:00

I've eaten lots and lots of chocolate for the past 4 hours and i hate it. There's toblerone, Hersheys, Butterfinger, Maltesers and 1 16onz of Oreo Blizzard from my mom (She was about to give it to me last night but i went home at around 11 where she's sleeping already). While eating those sweets that really makes my weight gain, I'm watching CSI:Miami but my mind is not really focused on it. I'm really really having these mood swings lately and I'm sad. So sad that I dont want to get up in my bed.

I was lying for the past 4 hours of my life thinking about those things that's really making me sad, confused and missing someone. I dont get it, can i just be happy for a while? I thought I'll be ending up this week so happy because it started really nice because of him. Yeah, my week became so colorful because he was around, cheering me up from my problems but now he's the one making me frown.

First thing that really makes me sad is my situation with my dad. We had a fight yesterday that's why I didn't attend my morning classes because I was crying the whole morning. It first happened last monday when we had this fight in the car, he thought i lost the remote control of the radio but I didn't even touched it since i entered his car then a lot of things had brought up when we we're arguing. He said a lot of words that really hurt me and made me not to talk to him for the whole week till friday came. He was about to drop me @ Robinsons when I said to him that I'll maybe occupying a condo unit @ EGI Towers with Cara (because im so tried riding those crowded bus and sometimes i dont even get the chance to sit down). and He told me "I dont care." and that's it, who wouldn't be pissed off if you're father will answer back like that? I think everyone will be pissed off, we argued again and because Im so pissed, i didn't prevent myself from shouting at him and i really didn't mean it. My world became black and I passed out from my bed. I was crying, like how I cry when I was 5 years old. I turned purple, my yaya said and she's freaking out. My dad was just staring at me and before I knew it, I was late for my class.

I changed my clothes, fixed myself and called a cab. Taxi is really expensive, I'll promise to take the bus even if im sooooooooo depressed. I wasted 400pesos just for a cab, good thing my mom paid me back. You can still avail 4 stickers @ starbucks if you have it! haha. Anyways, when i reached SDA there were lots of students waiting for the elevators (I dont get it, there are 5 elevators and still the line is soooooo long. They're saving electricity and they're being such a pain in the ass) So, i took the stairs. Yes, from ground floor up to 9th floor. The last time i did it, i end up in the clinic but good thing yesterday I've survived. I entered the classroom, still catching my breath, and before i knew it, my friends we're wearing same red pants! HAHA. Cute, good thing I'm wearing colored pants also, i was not left out but I stand out! haha. Then during my Algeb Class, my mom texted me that my dad was bursting in tears when he called her. I couldn't helped but cry when I was reading my mom's text message to me, my algeb teacher saw me crying and asked me why then I just said "Hirap po ng math.." oh well that's bullshit. Then the most part that really made me feel sad while crying that moment, is that some of my friends still got the chance to laugh and acted like they didn't care. But that's over, I understand it.

then after class, they fixed they're Schedule and I was just goofing around. I wasn't able to enlist so I'll be encoding late and I know it sucks because there were lots of Closed subjects and I dont want to have morning classes because I'm not a morning person. I dont want to fail a subject becuase of my attendance. GEESH!

We chilled @ Starbucks, played Dota and before I knew it, it was past 10 already. I need to go home though I dont want to go home. I feel more happy when Im in taft not here at our house. I'm not even going outside of my room because I just dont feel it. Snap is my new comfort zone. I just dont feel going home last night. I met a new friend, he's Mark and he's having this effeminate trait so I feel so lucky because he lives a street away from our house I met him last night and good thing I have someone to be with when im going home. HAHA!

So we went home together and shared lot's of stuffs even if we just met that night! haha. Enjoy eh, I've never had a gay friend. EHEM. Yeah, he's pure and I love it! :))

I slept at around 3am and someone's still occupying my mind. He makes me feel confused, as in. You've stolen a kiss from me and you made my heart skip a beat that time. What does a kiss means to you? Why did you held my hands last night? I dont know if this is right. You're clouding up my mind. Please, stop it. I wanna be free from this. I wanna run away from this.

.. Let me rest for a while. Think about things which are clouding up my mind.

"Sweet temptations die for a good time, and you wonder why.

Swinging yourself on by in my mind, I wish that i could see how you are now."

And it's a sad life, watching everybody live it wrong. It's so pathetic on why hell it has to be the way we are .But you don't need this, everyone is telling you something else. It's so confusing, you never know what's right or wrong, but I'm right - not wrong. - Five Times August :*

The greatest falling stars are in his eyes

2008-11-22T00:00:00.004+08:00

It was a sudden wave after a friday. It wasn’t what he said, just the way and I felt so strange finding him right there and the way we changed has led to here. Now I'm not made for this, the truth that she would not admit. The greatest falling stars are in his eyes, not in his lies And it’s all you want, and all I gave but as soon as you turned this way, I was too late now time won’t wait for us, and you say we happened just because? but that’s not the way it’s suppose to be not for me. So let it all go down, Let me turn you around and I will make you smile.

He's really clouding up my mind for this past days. I dont know, I just think of him too much this week. I dont want to fall inlove but is this leading to that place were others call it heaven, the place where cheesy romantic scenes are always seen but for me, it's a thing that Im afraid to happen. It's the feeling were i want to experience but at the same time i dont want to because Im so tired of seeing myself hurt. I wanna be happy, but being happy for me now is seeing him, talking to him and having those cute smiles from him but I just cant have it.

It's so sad that when you cant get the things that are right infront of you. Why should you say those words if you really didn't mean it? Why bother to spend the rest of the night with me and after that be gone like nothing happened? Sure, i get those looks that i cant really resist, it's so cute but still it makes me feel sad.

I can really feel that you're slipping away. I dont have the right to say it but that's what I really feel. Now that we completely lost communication, i cant help but think if you still think of me somehow. It sucks that I dont have the gutts to call you even if you're meters away from me, like a while ago. I've wasted an opportunity that I should have grabbed. You we're there standing infront of the computer and I was walking because Troll Warlord is calling me, i went out and you were playing, I stood from a far away distance before going to starbucks with my fin, when I got back from that coffee shop, I thought you we're still there, but i was wrong. If I grabbed the opportunity, i wouldn't be this paranoid right now.

Just wanna share a snapshot.

"He loves me not?" -- Niqui Bernabe.

STUPID NIQUI. Nice job for letting the opportunity pass away.
Argh, i dont know why i feel like this. You? are you feeling the same way too? Or not.

Like they say, "You can never hurt somebody who doesn't feel anything for you." I'm hurt, but as I can see, you're not. Hope you didn't allowed things to happen so that I wasn't lead to believe in Love again but the sad part is, I believed again but ended up breaking my f*cking heart. Sometime, I just want to be numb and ease every feelings that I feel.

I miss you, maybe that's why I'm writing.
I put my feelings into words.

TAG, TIG, TAG, TOG.

2008-11-18T21:28:00.003+08:00

I got tagged by: KYRA

Here are the rules:
1 - Each player starts with eight random fact/habits about themselves.
2 - People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3 - At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their name.
4 - Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and to read your blog.

Here are my 8 things about me:

1. I have this Obssesive Compulsive Disorder.
2. I'm a Movie Geek, Book Worm but not the Nerdy type.
3. I love putting different pictures on my wall, everything is black and white then a particular colored picture rises from the others.
4. Gossip Girl and One tree hill are my faves, cant live without them. Shet.
5. Im not good in remembering birthdays, dates or whatsoever. Spare Me!
6. "The Scotts", Edward Cullen and Nate Archibald really drives me insane.
7. I'm scared of Cats, promise. I hate them. Super.
8. Im having a MAJOR CRUSH on Bboy! You know who he is? that's the secret I'll never tell!

I'll TAG them Laterrrr.
tinatamad pa ako, i'm uploading pictures paaaaa! :P

Give me more, Give me more.

2008-11-16T22:50:00.005+08:00

NEW COLLECTIONS, so guys. Please, give me more. no matter how cheap it is or how expensive it is, I'll accept! Please, give me something give me give me give me anything! :P

More Bracelets, More Love! <3

Goodnight world, Goodnight Robots!

53% Spoiled

2008-11-16T22:34:00.002+08:00

"You're a little spoiled, but not spoiled rotten" - Facebook.

I took the test about being spoiled and Im kinda spoiled. Yeah, SOMETIMES I do get what I want but not always, Trust me. If i always get what I want then I'll be the happiest girl in the world but still I dont get everything. See? Im still craving for a new cellphone, for a new Ipod, for a new pair of shoes, for a new lens for my dlsr. I still dont have those things and now i can say Im not really spoiled. Maybe this past days, i became because I spend a lot of money for my clothes but that's it. HAHA. The test was true, Im a little spoiled.

Anyways, how's my weekend? As usual. It's boring plus Im sick so I dont have any choice but to stay in my frikking room. Soundtrip, Movie Marathon, ate a lot of Chips Ahoy, played the guitar, Draw, Write, Blog, Edit pictures and most especially think of HIM. Waaaah, i dont know. For the past 48 hours of my frikking life, I cant stop thinking about him. Yeah, Im talking about BBOY. Wah, he just completed my night last friday. SO KILIG and i dont know what's with the talk thingie but hey, im so frikking kilig that night and i really didn't want to end it, Seriously. but still i need to go back to reality. booohhhooo.

but it's ok, Monday na tomorrow so, i'll get the chance to see him na.

Blah, Blah. Since, i didn't do anything aside from making our Ordev Portfolio because i thought it is due tomorrow but it's not. I finished it a while ago and i was like cramming about it and later i asked some of my blockmates if i have ordev class tomorrow and they answered happily, "NO. we dont have any classes" Shit, but it's okey atleast Im done in advance. so after doing my Portfoio, I went to my bed and watched some Movies, First Movie "Sisterhood of traveling Pants 2" Oh, it was a cool movie. Cute and I love it, even they lost the pants that made them strong, it wasn't a hindrance for them to deblock or to diminish from they friendship but it brought them more close together.

haha. anyways, Im done with the 2nd book of the "it girl" series. Wah, i wanna buy the third book na, it's called Reckless! Yeeeeehoooo. Im so excited! :P

OHGOD. this weekend is so Boring. Good thing it's monday na. I wanna end this term. As in, as soon as possible i wanna go different schedules na! Please. No more morning class and No more blockmates like, ugh. Him? [CARA, Issue nanaman! ((:] haha. peace out men. Or should i say, Whatever men.

It was a blast!

2008-11-15T16:42:00.006+08:00

The Remix was fun. Really, seriously. I had a lot of fun since afternoon. We we're in the same Room! Oh yes, so Me and My fin (Cara) are soooo having our major kilig moments with our crush. Anyways, not bad for a first timer though we didn't won the experience and the thrill is important. As long as I see my dance mates happy, it's like we won the contest already.

I screwed up some steps but still it's ok! :)

We had fun, from the moment we were practicing those steps up to the last move that we made. It was FUN and a very memorable event in my life.

Thanks AFTASKOO. Thanks to ate Krista, without her, our choreo might suck. Thanks, Ate Tracey, Ate Aina, Dave, Vince, Cara, Russell, Ken, Dora, Major, Gido and Anne. You made the start of my college life so Different. As in. Thanks To my bestfriend, Joanna who watched the Show though it was late na still she had the chance to watch it. Thanks! and syempre, to.. *ehem* you know who. Who made my night so happy.

OHMY. Here it goes. We talked, exchanged smiles for the whole day and it was awesome. Congrats to your group. Oh yessssssss. You really made me smile, again.

SOOOOOBRANGG ENJOY. Spell enjoy with, Aftaskoo and M. Gosh, i just love it. GUYS, this is just the start. Let's joing more contest and bond more. Emba tayo sa Saturday! ok? :)) Basta, we'll stick together, alright? I love you guys, always and forever! hahaha. Thanks a lot.

Ohmy, this is it!

2008-11-13T23:01:00.006+08:00

Exactly 20 hours, we will be witnessed by thousands of people. From being a Green blood up to those blue bloded eagles. Who might not say that they're there to witness the talents of these archers and blazers? for exactly 20 hours, i'll be dancing infront of different faces that i know and i dont know. Spotlights, unending cheers, judges and most expecially mr crew.

AFTASKOO DANCE CREW. from "After School" term because we always have our practice during after classes. Cute isn't it? :)) Anyways, we are compose of 7 girls and 5 boys which makes us 12 talented teenagers. We we're coached by Coach Krista, from CADZ, and she's from Ateneo same with Coach Philip Pamintuan, also and Atenean who taught us the KRUMPING STEPS and his also from CADZ! "bestfriend!" hahaha. Too bad Coach Krista cant come tomorrow night because she's gonna dance for Gary V's concert thingie, hmm. sayang. anyways, we'll do our best for her.

AFTASKOO DANCE CREW for REMIX'08

Well, little Niqui has a confession to make. She's not really in to Dancing. *ehem* You heard it right, I dont dance. I mean, i dont suck in dancing but It's me who doesn't really appreciate dancing before but things had changed. Some of my friends and highschool friends were shocked/amazed but at the same time happy for me. they're happy because Im not scared to explore new things in college. Back in my highschool life, it's much different from today. I dont dance except if we are really needed to dance, like P.E. Classes, Class presentation or Cheerdance and that's it. Im the sporty type of girl that you'll always see in Jogging pants or shorts, playing volleyball not Jazz pants and practicing those groovy steps in the dance room. See? Things have changed.

HAHA. I'm excited but at the same time nervous. HELLO!?! It's my frikking first time to join a dance crew and it's my first time to join a DANCE CONTEST. haha. But swear, it's fun. Super!

SO GUYS. OUT THERE.

Especially those Benildeans and LaSalistas reading my blog, please do watch and cheer for us. the REMIX '08 starts @ 7:00 pm. Tickets are still available and it's only 150 pesos! The venue is in DLSU-Manila, Teresa Yuchenhco Auditorium

See you guys, dont forget to cheer AFTASKOO DANCE CREW. All guys out there who is still looking for Ordev-B accreditation our professor in Ordev told us that this is an Ordev Accredited Event so grab a ticket and find a way to spend the night with us. I'm sure guys you'll enjoy. You'll able to witness cool dance crew like, A615 who won 1st place in the Cultureshock & Skitelz who also wond 2nd runner-up in last years REMIX Dance Competition. Please Please Come and witness the talented students of De La Salle University and DLS College of St. Benilde.

Goodmorning Robots!

2008-11-11T08:11:00.003+08:00

Goodmorning World!

This is the day I've been waiting for.
This is the day where I'll be focusing now. Focusing in to my life.

Intecom. Algeb. Here I come! :))
no joke. swear. I'll listen and I wont cut anymore.

MAJOR PROMISE.
i wont. i wont. i wont. i WONT cut anymore. I've realized. Next term, i'll have a long break just to have Dota with my Friends! Sorry lord. Di na po ulit.

we cutted yesterday and i dont feel like doing it again.
STUDIES FIRST. PLAY LATER. Okey? I love you girls. Let's study, Dont cut! ayt? :))

starting today. i wont cut. promise.

Sleepy and Tired.

2008-11-11T00:11:00.005+08:00

it's already 12:12am in my watch and guess what? I just arrived from school-practice-derma.
I'm so tired and my eyes are closing by itself.

anyways, School was the same shit. Insocio? Argh, we got 75% for our talent show. It sucks even we sang really good. ugh, I guess for us it's fine. anyways, Insocio was still a boring class and forever it will be and we cutted Filip12 just to play dota. ARGH. I know I know, I wont do it again swear. Then there's AlgebX with Mr. Sarcastic/Korni Algeb teacher and most especially Mr. Lim, the all time gay teacher that we have and Comsk1-X is the only subject that I enjoy today.

another thing. Miguel, Bboy, My ultimatr crush just smiled at me a while ago. Oooooh, Sooo Kileg as in MAJOR KILIG TO THE MAXX. I cant help but to smile all night and Dave is getting weird. He laughs about it because since we left SDA up to our LRT Trip, i was saying "Shet, nag smile siya" :)) Sorry na, sobrang happy lang.

anyways, guys. I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow. I'll make kwento but for now, i'll have my super late dinner because I'm starving to death that I can eat a horse and go to my bed coz i can feel my eyes reaching its end and I feel like blinking thrice in a second. Ewww, I'm so sleepy.

NIGHT GUYS. NIGHT WORLD. NIGHT ROBOTS.
Shoutout: Zee. I love this girl! :)

Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.

2008-11-09T20:02:00.008+08:00

1st Blah.

i thought i could catch up with episodes that I missed over the past months. One Tree Hill season five is leaving me behind, even Gossip Girl season 2. Argh, it sucks that I haven't watched any episode in Gossip Girl Season 2 and I've only watched a couple of episodes on OTH Season 5. I feel like there's a big L on my forehead which means LOSER. Gah, I hate it. I've missed a lot of things. I feel like half of myself is lost. haha. That's way over but still, I dont have any news or updates about what's up with "The Scotts" and with the upper east siders.

is it because of school? haha. I dont have any time to search online or even watch few episodes from the pirated dvd's that i bought. grr, i hate myself. I always arrived late because of our practices. Our practices usually ends at 9pm and I'll arrive at our house at around 10:30 or 11:00 pm. It sucks right? When i reach our house, I'll take a bath then immediately go to my bed and got to sleep because the next day I'll be waking up so early because i have school to attend. It's much hassle right now because we have practice everyday, before only tuesday's and thursday's but now it's EVERYDAY. No time for derma, No time for bowling and No time for my Gossip Girl & One tree hill marathon. gaaah, I miss them. haha.

2nd Blah.

i miss everything that I'm not doing anymore. these are some of the things that I've missed doing with my family, friends, him, her, everyone. even my bestfiends. i miss them, i miss everything before.

every saturday, me and my parents go to the mall to have a yummy lunch. but now, since my dad had his Hear Attack there were lots of foods that he's not allowed to eat. So, we just decided not to eat outside except there is a very very important celebration.
watching movies with my friends. mutya, cheska, marian, rheena and of course my super bestfriend that i miss a lot, Mikaela. we almost watch every weekend though we go to different schools before. we make sure that we're not having this gap though we dont see each other often but now since we have different colleges we're having this gap and we dont see each other often. Cheska (UP Los Banos), Mutya (La Salle Dasma), Marian (Ateneo de Manila), Rheena (Up Diliman), Me Im stuck @ Taft and Mika is gone away. oh, i miss them to death.
having those campokpoking moments with my highschool friends. Physiology08, i miss you guys. I miss the days when we were near ending our highschool life. I miss the Graduation Practices. The moments when we were having our hard times answering those complicated Physics problems. I miss them.

More. More. More. More. I miss a lot. I miss being a highschool student. I really do.

3rd Blah.

my weekend is so boring. i dont know what to do. i just got my blog edited, read some books, draw some dooodles and that's it. I didn't got the chance to visit any mall this weekend and i dont even bother to talk to my parents that much. i just sat around my room, fixed some stuffs, lie down on my bed, stare at the computer and that's it. JUAN TAMAD is back. I didn't even bother to open my notes to review which i often do last month. I dont know, maybe I'm not inspired that much.

but, I'm inlove. i'm happy eventhough I'm not really in the mood to talk, to laugh, to tell jokes. This is not me, Im Lazy this past days and I hope this coming week will be a new week for me. I hope I'll be active this time in school. I'll listen to hellboy now. Gaaaaaaaah, I wish.

I PROMISE TO BE ACTIVE THIS WEEK. Hindi ako tatamarin and i wont let myself be tempted by Dota, or by Troll Warlord or even Kardel. I'll play dota if it's break time not during class hours. I promise. I'll be a better person this week and to the following weeks. New niqui, coming up! :)

4th blah.

i love blizzard oreo so much. I'm craving for it. Super Craving for it.

White and Black

2008-11-08T23:43:00.004+08:00

"AKO SI SUPERGIRL"

Pictures taken after our photoshoot. Theme: "Eyes are everywhere"
Make Up by Toni/Mai Reyes. Snap Shot from me.
-- We need to be this type of girl that Toni wants us to be and she designed the make-up herself.
Do i look like, ugh? I dont know. Just dont get me wrong, Im not stealing someone's image :)
*peace* I mean no harm. HAHA. I love you Toni. I really do plus the 4 girls of my life. Miss you.

Black and White. White and Black.

If I were a boy, I think that I could understand how it feels to love a girl I swear I’d be a better man I’d listen to her Cause I know how it hurts when you loose the one you wanted cause he’s taken you for granted and everything you had got destroyed It’s a little too late for you to come back Say its just a mistake Think I forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you You thought wrong But your just a boy You don’t understand How it feels to love a girl Someday you’ll wish you were a better man You don’t listen to her You don’t care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wantedCause you taken her for grantedAnd everything that you had got destroyed ..

But your just a boy…

- Someday, you'll wish you're a better man.

ugh, is this enough? You left me hanging alone again.
I MISS YOU SIXTEEN, I MISS YOU.

Tagged: 10 Random Facts/Habits

2008-11-08T09:26:00.002+08:00

RULES:
- Each blogger starts with ten random facts or habits about themselves.
- Bloggers tagged need to write on their on blog about their ten things and post the rules.
- At the end of your blog you need to choose 10 people you're going to tag and list their names.
- Don't forget to comment on their site that they're tagged.

To start this off, I'm a reckless ball of chaos with obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
Photography is one of my drugs. It's not how lame the object is, it's how you capture it.
There are days when I only eat street foods for lunch, merienda and dinner. I can survive especially when Isaw, Bulaklak and Betamax's around.
I love to spent my weekends with my dogs, I always play with them for hours.
I want to have a dinner with the dolphins while watching the sunset.
I dont have any brothers and sisters, it sucks that I wont have the chance to have one.
I want to meet the Gossip Girl & One Tree Hill cast plus Edward Cullen on the side.
I wanna learn to play the Guitar.
Next is to Krump, though we some krump steps in our dance, still it doesn't impress me. I wann learn more and be good at it. It's hot when a girl krump! :)
Lastly, Im not good in Goodbyes. I always run away when there are problems. It sucks that people hate me for being so coward that even saying goodbye freaks me out.

iTag the following people:

Ayienne, Ella, Mia, Ikat, Xty, Lyra, Rose, Jam, Reanne, and Jennie.

Long Long Distance

2008-11-07T23:33:00.003+08:00

i miss mikaela.

i miss my bestfriend, my partner, my twin, my sister.
i miss the days when she was still here beside me. i miss the days when we will laugh even to those korny jokes that we have. i miss everything.

traditional saturdays became lame/boring/nonsense saturdays since you left. i have no bestfriend beside me when i woke up and no bestfriend to jog with. i have no sister on my side to eat my 4 layers of pancake and no twin beside me watching CSI:Miami. There's no partner beside me when im singing our favorite song.

in short. there's no MIKAELA MARIEA UY beside me since my college life started.
she was there all the time. we do things together. shopping, boy hunting, jogging and more. we go dota together and stayed up late just to kill those creeps. haha. we enjoy most of our lives until this news came. She will be leaving Philippines and be staying in Australia.

it was April 20, 2008. 5 days after my birthday and it was also the day were we landed manila. We came from a 3 day vacation @ Cebu. No parents, No Rules and Partyyyy all night. It was fun, it was heaven but we didn't expected hell news when we came back. I was about to drop her off at Multinational Village when her mom called us. She said that she will pick us up and let me stay at their house that night. Since we're super duper bestfriends and my mom and her mom are bestfriends too it's not that hard to have permission form my parents.

the next day, we smelled pancakes and ran downstairs just to eat lots and lots of pancakes then her mom came and told the Shocking news. I got sad.

"Niqui, i think this would be the last day that you'll be eating breakfast with mikka"
when her mom told me that, i cant help but cry. We went upstairs and talked. I thought she knew about this but same as me, she was shocked and she didn't know and she will be leaving very soon. She left April 27 and it was very soon for us. I spent the last three days with her. We went spa together, we went shopping together. We did everything we want but it wasn't enough for us. When the time came, I hugged her so much. Everything has gone fast and the last time I held her hands was the day when I dropped her at the airport.

gah, I can still remember everything. Everything flashes back.

THANK GOD SHE CALLED ME A WHILE AGO.
we talked for 3 hours, long distance and it's very short for us. I made kwento a lot of things especially the things that happened to me this past months. From the happy first term of my life to the darkest 2nd term of my life. She was happy for me but at the same time we miss each other. Now, we're talking to skype and we're both crying. i just miss my partner so much.

I wanna go there. Seriously. I wanna be with you bes, especially now when things are not okey. Things are pretty messed up and Im confused with my life. I need you bes. Swear.

Hope you'll be fine, as always. Dont give up on coming back here. I'll wait or you'll wait for me.
It's gonna be soon, I promise. I really do promise.

The week just ended.

2008-11-07T22:55:00.005+08:00

How is it? Hmmmmmmm, let me see. So far so Quiet? :))

haha. Nothing special happened this week. It's the same old banana pie but it's much Quiet this time. No more issues, I guess but still there's something wrong. Nevermind. That's life, you cant blame people to be selfish, plastic and irritating.

blah. blah. blah.

On the lighter note, I have the second book of "the it girl" by Von Ziegesar. She's the one who wrote the Gossip Girl novel also. Oooooh, she's one of my favorite author aside from Stephenie Mayer and Candace Bushnell. Anyways, back to the IT GIRL, i just love how the story goes. It's about Jenny Humphrey who went to boarding school at Waverly Academy during her Sophomore year. It's like a version of Gossip Girl but it's more thrilling. Gah, I stay up late just to read this book. Im very attached to it but still Twilight captured my heart and I'm so excited for tthe Movie, it will be on November 26, 2008 and me, cara and Joanna are planning to cut classes just to have the best seat in the movie house! Oh yes, it's friday and it's cutting day. haha! Geeeesh, Im having this traditional look again and Im being so excited here again.

anyways, how's life you might ask?
Well, it's complicated. Swear and I dont know why. Am i making my life complicated? Or am I just thinking so much about so many things that makes me feel stressed out? gah. Im so tired of this. So tired that I want to shoot myself and lie into my comfort zone, it's not my bed but it;s my coffin. To Emo? Ewwww. This is not me, this is over reacting.

So much for the drama, let's get real.
Yeah, for the past days Im so confused. Confused about what's happening to me. First things first, Im not really motivated in school right now. I just want to end this term without repeating any subjects and that's it. Im not even trying to get high grades and Im so not into my subjects right now. I mean, i go to class, take notes and listen but my heart and mind is not fully focused to it. I dont have any boyfriend that can distruct my studies. Flings? Mutual Understanding? Yah, but it really doesn't bother or distruct me. Geeesh. I dont know, I'm just lazy about going to school and get high grades though when I get a high grades I will be able to get a lot of things. First, my dream. Iphone2. Next, Nike Dunk and next trip to Boracay this Christmas Vacation but how will i get those things if im like these? Geeeeeeeesh, everything changed since 2nd term came. It sucks that even people change.

Next one, it's about them. What's with them? Why right now? before, I really want you guys back and now you here there's still a problem. You guys went back at the same time and I dont get it. I dont know who will i choose. I like you, I love you or what so ever still I'm confused. I wanna be free from this. This is not the ini-mini-myni-moo thingie that i can point someone out with my eyes closed. This is not a type of decision that you can erase when suddenly things get wrong. This is a decision where you can live with it forever. This decision is Serious so i should think about it sooooooooooo much because it can affect me, my life and my heart.

How is it that I love you and I like him? How is it that this time, I cant choose. I wanna love you, and I want to stay with you but there's still someone who makes me smile. For the past 5 days of my life I came to the point of giving up. Like, choosing no one between them but I said to myself it's not fair. It's like Im running away again and I promised to myself not to ran away from my problems. So here it goes.

but wait, is history repeating itself? haha.
Anyways. I neeeeeeeeeeed to choose. As in, choose NOW.
NOW. Now. Now. Now. As in, Now.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. tomorrow is the day.
and I wanna be sure about it. Please, guide me. I hope I'll choose the right one.

So much for the drama.

2008-11-03T23:28:00.004+08:00

WHAT HAPPENED TODAY?

School is the same. School still makes me feel, i dont know.
They're still around but issues are getting quiet. Good thing it's over, I guess?

Ms. Katakutan still irritates me despite the fact that sometimes she's funny. She caught me texting again! :))

Mr. Hellboy is still teaching those nonsense economic topics and now I'm listening though I dont care about Macroeconomics.

Mr. Algeb is still Cool/Korny/Sarcastic. Math? OOOOH. I hate numbers. Please.

Mr. Lim? Oh, We cutted classes and played Dota na lang. we were to lazy to have our last subject but promised ourselves that it would be the last time. Anyways, I bet he had his new stories lang for today so I feel like cutting his subject a while ago. Baka puro kwentuhan lang.

Doom Bringer still irritates me as well as Metro Aid. Homo is still around. Gay Parasite is still looking for new True friends together with Manuel. These people are just roaming around SDA and I dont get it, School of Design and Arts is so big that I still got the chance to see them EVERYDAY.

After school, Dance Practice was boring. Didn't dance so much but It was tiring because i was just laughing with my groupmates especially Vince, Major and Cara. Ohmy, ILY GUYS!

then went home. and now I'm typing. Blah. Blah.

So much for the drama, just pass me the popcorn :P

It's us, It's LOVE.

2008-11-02T18:53:00.003+08:00

How is it that I can see myself smiling right now and feeling so happy this much when we were just hanging around as friends? What is it? Is it the way you smile at me when you see me walking towards you? or is it the way you look at me, straight in my eyes and tell me "everything's gonna be alright"?

Yes, you're always there. Even the times when WE were still together. You were there until the day he left me. I remember everything, I sat beside you crying and you were there wiping my tears. You were always trying to make me smile but i always thought it wasn't enough. You always pick me up in my friend's house even it's 4:00 am in the morning because Im so drunk and I cant even remember anything and the next day i will call you and you were there to refresh my memories.

YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE. Every single day of my life, you were there. During the most darkest days of my life, you were there. Especially the days when you see me smiling, you were also there.

It's been a while since we had these talks. Awkward moments like that have passed but still the feeling of being confused and I don't know, but I'm feeling quite astray right now. I have so much that I want to tell, things which has lately been piling on my mind about you, me. US maybe. But yesterday didn't end up that well, I was hurt and I know you were too. That's probably why I'm writing, though I'm still quite lost for words.

but hey. it's different now. You have me, I have US.
I took a shower and thought of everything we've been through and it came to the point where i admit that It's better being with you. I've known you since grade4, since the day i had my first menstration or even the day when you got circumscised and It was my dad who performed it. hahaha. so much for that. it's been years since we were together as friends and now we're facing life not just as bestfriends but more than that. I know this time we'll make things right.

This is for us and for the months and years that we will be together. Just let me love you the way i do and i'll let you love me the way you want me to be loved. Let's be fair. Honest and Loyal. All i want is to be loved in return. I dont care if I will love you more, who says it's not right? UGH. anyways. so much for that, i just dont want to remember it and that's the way he likes it.

Who cares about you? Now i do.
I will be always be here like you were before. Thanks for the memories that we will have more.
It's been a while since you held my hands and taught me how to love again.

coz you make me feel like "AAAAAAAAAH, im so inlove" and i just cant help but scream out loud.

This is it, finally i can say this infront of the world.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE US and Forever we'll be together. Im sorry if Im toooooo mushy but i guess it has always been like that. Thanks for everything. I wanna know what Love is and now i know.

It's US. It's LOVE :]

Random.

2008-10-19T00:03:00.009+08:00

My first job will start tomorrow. I'll promise to bring my Lomocam. Yeah, that would be tomorrow. I'll bring my Lomo wherever i will go. Swear. I'm falling inlove with it! :)

Where's the venue tomorrow? It's in island cove. It would be a Re-Shoot for my Ate Candy's portfolio. She made my cousin's wedding gown that's why we need to have a photoshoot with the gown. The photographer that they hired during the wedding didn't got the chance to have a nice shot with the gown so that's why we're having a re-shoot which gave me the chance to have a sideline tomorrow! weeeeewoooo, this would be my first official job and im excited with it.

what happened today?

NOTHING. I just got bored and end up editing pictures! Click this.

anyways, i just got my cam and took some random pictures. sooooo random.

Me and Cara supposedly gonna make our intecom project today since i figured out a much better plan she decided to help me with the questions na lang same with my other groupmates.

ANYWAYS. CHANGE TOPIC. CHANGE TOPIC.

Last friday, there were text messages roaming around everybody' phone that the sun wouldn't set. LARA, you owe me 100! There was a sunset and definitely the moon showed up. haha. woohoo, 100 pesos beybeh. It's kinda weird though coz we thought the Sun wouldn't set for real because it's already 5:30 and the sun is still out there since it's october and it's a "ber" month it should have been dark by that time and we were like freaking out because of excitement that the sun MIGHT NOT SET. but, in the end they're wrong. Luna still showed up.

it's 1:11 in my clock. should i wish? or it's only applicable on 11:11? anyways, i'll wish.

*wishing* *wishing*

DONE.

I wished for a new Lomocam. I want holga. please.

I also wished for PEACE with each one of us coz i reflected on it and i miss the old us. the old FMA2. it's not im being guilty here but is it too late to forgive one another? hmmmm.

I also wished that i can survive from my ****** ******. woah. please lang lord. bata pa ako.

I wished for a lottery number. the lucky one. the one that will make me a millionaire! :))

but, the last one is that i will learn to Love fair. i dont want to fall so much again.

woooooaah.

I FEEL HAPPY, Seriously. I dont know why but I'm smiling.

insane? haha. naaaa, i just watched the commercial of globe and i saw my crush. ienne's friend.

our director, bwahahahaha. anyways. nothing important about it.

i wanna write more but my mom's calling me, i left her alone playing tekken. yeah, up to this hour we're playing tekken. my dad is knocked out and find the way to his comfort zone. up to here na lang, my mom's shouting and very excited to loose :))

night guys. night robots. night gels and boys. night world.

hope to see you again.

*bow*

grabe, tsinelas lang.

2008-10-15T20:58:00.003+08:00

may mga tao pa palang katulad mo, hindi ko din maisip na ginawa mo yon. anu ba ang ginawa ko sayo at pati regalo ko nung 1st monthsary natin binalik mo? tsinelas lang naman hinihingi ko ha.

anung gustong mong palabasin? anung problema mo? bakit ka ba ganyan sakin?
TAE. Nakakapikon na kasi eh, kahit mga kaibigan ko gulong gulo sayo ultimo nanay ko hindi ka na maintindihan. Dapat ako pa nga tong naguugali ng ganyan kasi ako tong iniwan pero grabe ikaw na nga tong nangiwan ikaw pang may ganang mang ganyan. Grabe, ang funny. Oo, moved on na moved ka na, hindi pa ba sapat yun at kailangan mo pa maging ganyan skin? Bakit, sa tingin mo hindi pa ako nakakapagmove on? sa tingin mo gusto parin kita? hmm. medyo, ibang usapan na ata yan.

at kelan kita nakausap at naging bastos ako?
"OO! Ang bastos nga eh!" Familiar ba sayo yan? Balita ko, ako daw yan at napagtataka ko lang, nung araw na sinabi mo eh kakapasok ko pa lang non galing ako sa 3 days absence ko at tandang tanda ko pa na ni magkatinginan nung araw na yun ay hindi nangyari. so anung ibig sabihin niyan?

Maraming tanong talaga, lalo na pag ganyan ang break up sabi nila. Sabi ko kay Ienne kanina, "ang sakit, binalik niya pa talaga" sabi naman ni Ienne, baka daw ginawa niya yun para makapag move on na talaga, tapos sabi ko sknya "ano ka ba, moved on na moved na nga ehhh" sabi niya, hindi parin daw kami sure malay daw namin. MALAY? Pucha. ang labo kasi. ang labo ng mga tao sa paligid. Sobra at isa na siya doon. Kala ko ba walang iwanan kahit may mga bago na tayo, Friends for ever tayo nina jobow at paolo ah, ngayon ni magkatinginan bawal at galit pa. Since binalik mo na din yung mga gamit ko kahit kulang pa, sige wag kang magalala, babalik ko din yung mga gamit mo. Para kwits na.

Buhay nga naman, ang labo. Nakakaasar kasi hindi ko maintindihan knug bakit kailangan gantuhin ako? Kung bakit kailangan manakit pa ULIT kahit sobrang sinaktan niya na ako dati. Malapit na nga mag heal yung sugat, sabay dinagdagan naman ulit kanina.

Masaya ka na sana sa mga ginawa mo, matagal ko na gustong mag post ng ganitong post ngunit sa sobrang weak ko na hindi ko pa kayang magalit sayo noon pero ngaun, Mejo marunong na akong mainis. maasar. magalit pero alam kong hindi pa to sapat. Puta, hindi pa talaga.

Tila may nakakalimutan ako, at gusto ko lang din ibahagi sainyo. Nitong mga nakaraan na araw, naging usapin talaga sa aming klase ang isang blog ng isa namin blockmate. Nag psot siya tungkol sa ingay na dinadanas ng block namin ngayon at sinisisi niya talaga ang TROPA ko. Medyo hindi nakakatuwa, pero bakit kami lang? Kalat ang ingay. Lumalabas lang na mas rinig kami kasi mas malapit kami sayo. Sinbukan namin idaan sa maayos na usapan ngunit lumalala lang ito nung mga nakaraang araw. Si Joanna, hindi narin napigilan ang emosyon at nakipagsagutan. Pag nasa klase kami, hindi narin namin mapigilan magparinig kasi hindi naman tlaga nakakatuwa ung ginawa nilang pangsisisi.

May nagsabi pa na hahagisan daw kami ng lamesa? oh san ka pa?
LATANG WALANG LAMAN? sabihan ka ng ganyan, matutuwa ka ba?
may pa quote quote pa yung iba na pinapalabas na ang maiingay ay yaong mga taong mabababaw o hindi nagiisip at yung mga taong Tahimik na ikinukunsidera ang sarili ay nagiisip ng malalim. OK? Magbuhat ka na lang ng sarili mong bangko. Tutal, mahilig ka namang purihin ang sarili mo di ba?

HAYYY. Nakakapikon talaga yang mag taong ganyan.
May mga Feeling. May mga inconsiderate. May mga makasarili. May mga Kill Joy.
Pare, College na to. Iba Ibang tao na. Kung tutuusin, dapat wala ng pakielaman to eh. Pero, mukang meron pa rin.

ALAM KONG TAPOS NA YUNG ISSUE KAHIT PAPAANO. pero, blog ko to at gusto ko parin ilabas ang gusto kong palabasin. Pikon na pikon na ako, at gusto ko na matapos tong term na to. para makakilala na talga ako ng tunay na tao. Isa pa, nakakatawa kasi. Imbis na kami ung mapagalitan ng maingay kanina, kung sino pa ung nagrereklamo yaong napagalitan. Sino sa atin ngayon ang maingay? KAMI BA? hmmmmm. mukang hindi. Sorry pare. Tignan mo din kasi, kung kami talaga ung maingay MOST OF THE TIME.

dami kung natutunan this past 3 days.
marami akong nakilala ng mabuti. nakakilala ako ng totoong kaibigan.
nakakilala din ako ng mga makasarili.

At sayo, Feeling. Isa pang pag fefeeling mo jan, magsasalita na ako. hindi na nakakatuwa yang mga pinaggagawa mo ha. Wag na wag mo kaming sisisihin kung bkit hindi ka natatapos sa mga seatwork mo. kung kami ngang maiingay natatapos ikaw pang nakaupo lang dyan at hindi nagsasalita. At, oo. Isa daw talga ako sa mga maiingay, sinabi skin harapharapan. pasensya na boss.

husssssssssssshhhh. huuuuuuuuusssssshhhh.
wag ng maingay! :P

BOYS OF MY LIFE.

2008-10-12T11:35:00.007+08:00

These guys really makes me insane. I listen to their song for the whole day and I dont get tired hearing John O'Callaghan's voice. Oh my, he just took my breathe away! I just love listening to them. Oh yes, I LOVE THE MAINE. I just fell inlove with their songs. My first love was "If I only had the heart" and it was cool then when i heard the song "We'll all be" Shocks. They definitely made me scream. I really drool over that song. I listen to it 4 to 5 times when my earphones are stuck in my ears and I dont care if it bleeds! haha. It sucks because it's kinda Impossible for them to have a concert in Manila. hmmmm, I wish they would have a Concert tour here! Waaaaaah :] Im just getting addicted to them. Another song that I want is "The town's been talking" YEAH! It's for a person who's not really inlove with the guy/girl but he/she is inlove with Love! hahaha. anyways, Im still dreaming that our school will win in this contest! hahaha. "HAVE THE MAINE PERFORM IN YOURS SCHOOL" oh yeah, how i wish that they will play here @ CSB. Grabe, for sure me and Ienne will watch the Concert but wait. Im Dreaming. It's like wishing for a sister and I know its impossible because my doesn't have any uterus anymore. It sucks but hey Nothing is impossible if you just believe! hahaha. but never expect because I might broke my own life. haha. another thing that I want is, I want to have a shirt! gaaaaah. The shirt that they are selling are sooooo cool as in Major Cool! I love it. Im really in to this Pop Punk/Pop/Alternative band because i Love their lyrics. This band was introduced to me by Ram way before. When we were still together. The first song that i heard is "I wanna Love you (akon cover)" I fell inlove with it. hahaha. It was soooooooooooooooooo nice. I love it. Super. I cant stop saying "ILOVEIT" and now Im obssessed with them. and Im a stalker, I subscribe everywhere just to have the news about them. HAHA. Thanks to PureVolume because i get in touch with them nowadays! :) Also to buzznet. Thanks! hahaha. (Nag plug ba daw?!) Crazzyyy me. Enough with the Maine. Let's go to my other boyfriends! This band was introduce to me by Ram also but I didn't care about it. I didn't heard the band actually that's why I didn't appreciated it a lot but when I had a ride with Earl yesterday on our way to MOA, he played they're song and I got LSS with it. It's the "Boyce Avenue" I love their song "Bleeding Love" Oh yes, I love it. I love him. I mean "Boyce Avenue"! haha. I just fell inlove with their songs. As in, I love them also. Especially when they sing the song "No air" Oh shit, i just began to be EMO and stuufff! haha. But it's just part of my itsy bitsy game and after that i'll shout! haha.

Oh well, towel. I'll tell something about the band! :) Boyce Avenue, a Florida-based band popular for its strong acoustic roots and constant drive toward a melody- and harmony-driven rock sound, consists of the three brothers Alejandro, Fabian, and Daniel Manzano, and Stephen Hatker. The band first came together in 2000, when Alejandro (lead vocals, guitar, piano) and Fabian (guitar, vocals), then 14 and 16 years old, respectively, started playing guitar. Within 3 months, Alejandro and Fabian took to the stage with their older brother Daniel (bass, percussion, vocals), then 20 years old, to perform before an audience of over 350 at a Pine View High School show. This would be the first of many public performances for the band at the school where its members had all been students together throughout their childhoods. Oh well, I just fell inlove with them and I have a big crush on FABIAN! He's so cute. As in, Major Drooooooooooooooool over. I love him. but still i love Alejandro's Voice. HAHA. I wish they'll play also here in the Philippines! If they will have a concert here, I'll promise myself to have a VIP seat and a back stage pass! hahaha. Wish wish wish wish wish. I want them. as in right now I you'll just see my face right now Im having the "Craving-Wishing-Drooling Face" right now! GAAAAAAAH. I want them all. The Maine and Boyce Avenue. I want I want. I also want to have the CD of Boyce Avenue, It's out na but i dont know if the music stores here in the philippines has it. "Lord please. Let them play here. Please!"Go on! Call me a stalker now. Call me and I dont bother! These are my boyfriends! Ilovethem. <3

I got tagged!

2008-10-12T10:48:00.006+08:00

"Surrounded by familiar faces, the people that you love to see"

I got tagged by Maan!

ILY YOU GIRLLLLY. Thanks for the award! :)

Rules:

Put the logo on your blog.

Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.

Link 10 other bloggers whom you wanted to share this award to.

Give a reason why you consider that person’s blog cool.

So Im spreading the love to these people : IVY, AYIENNE, BIANCA, DANA, REANNE, KAREN, JOANE, MIA, IENNE, JAM. because they're the BOMB! <3

We're fine, atlast!

2008-10-12T01:27:00.001+08:00

Customized Doughnuts for my Mom! We had a fight and we haven't spoken for weeks. It was hard. So hard. No one's talking to me when we're having dinner. After school I just eat then go to sleep. It was hard and I promise not to repeat it again.

I Love You Mom! :)

Social Experiment

2008-10-11T23:55:00.001+08:00

Whew, We just finished our project for Insocio and it was hell out of fun!

So, here was the plan. We will wear Pajamas and a mask infront of everybody. The venue was in MOA at San Miguel by the bay. Lots of people stared at us and I was laughing and laughing especially when Pat began to do stupid things. Posing and stuff, dancing without music like there's no one watching! It was fun.

Then had a quick dinner with the Group.

This day was so tiring but turned out to be nice. There were some Kilig moments and I know it's just a moment. I need to stop this! My god :)

Tomorrow is our town fiesta! YEY! Lot's of Yummy foooooooooooods again.

Blast from the past.

2008-10-09T08:04:00.004+08:00

I miss them, I miss Gangbang.

It started with the three of us, Rita, Joanna and Me. We had this Museum thing for our History Class so we guys decided to go to Ayala Museum then as the mood swings we were hanging out with Paolo and Ram. We had our first Movie together. We watched "The happening" and it was funny, we were seating infront and shouting so hard like we were the only persons in the movie house. Gah, That was funny and Yes I miss it.

All those memories are still here in our hearts. Now, only the two of us (me and joanna) are standing still, hoping that our group will be back soon. I mean, friends. It's, seating at the back when only 2 seats apart is all i can handle. Those hugs and laughs that we had together were change to nodding of heads when you see each other in the hallway. Walking beside them though they're not really walking with you. When Im with Jobow, sometimes I tell her "Namimiss ko na sila" Yeah, out of the blue i'll tell it infront of her. I miss them. I miss those bonding moments. Those crazy road trips, MCDO deliveries, house visits, korny jokes with them are still here and it's sad to say that I cant get over it.

Enough. Enough. Enough.
Im being this drama queen here and I want it to stop.

All i want to say is that I miss you guys. Im not making this post because I still want someone to come back. It's not a cheap move. The friendship is what I miss and it's more than what you know. Im just saying this in advance because I dont know who's reading my blog but for the sake of myself I miss my friends. REAL FRIENDS that I know.

I hope 1st sem just didn't end like that and same with 2nd sem i wish it didnt started.
I wish it ended right and started Good.

Dont you notice something?

2008-10-07T23:41:00.004+08:00

Love really makes us stupid.

Without noticing it, you're not being yourself anymore. Tolerating stuffs that you dont like, becoming the blind follower in short you're being stupid without noticing it. Im not being this know-it-all girl here but it's not only me who notices it, it's US.

Yes, i get irritated at times. Not only me, but US again. Some things should be keep to yourself because not the whole world wants to know about you. See? You're not being yourself. Some things are getting over reacting, some things should be kept inside yourself, there are things that needs vulgarity but not that things that you're saying. Yah, we know what you feel, we know exactly the excitement you're experiencing right now. BUT WHO CARES ABOUT IT? You and some of your friends? Maybe but that's it. No more, no less.

Where's the old you? The Kind, Gentle, Lovable and Sweet you?
or i was lead to believe that you're that person? am i've been fooled by your mistaken identity?

"Cause you're in love with love,You're not in love with him.And I can tell by the way you play it off,Like you don't know what you're doing to him."

falling for a wrong guy?

2008-09-23T22:10:00.003+08:00

I just ended my day different today. I finished it with a smile and thinking if this day will happen again.

I smiled because of YOU. Yeah, because of him.
Is this Love? or Infatuation? Please. Warn me,please? :)

Today is different. More pictures, more memories and more smile that came out of my face.

Green Room is our new hangout! It's coooooool. We dance, we took pictures and we Enjoyed a lot! haha. I love it when Im with them. Oh yes, good thing the rain started falling so that Joanna wouldn't be going home anymore! Yeheeeey. After Class we had our training @ DLSU.

While roaming around DLSU, some of my friends saw their Highschool friends and it really pisses us off when they started asking "Anung ginagawa mo dito?" "Bakit ka nandito?" Bullshit no? Parang, ok kayo na LaSallista pero hello? SDA still rules! :)) No offense pero, maganda naman talaga yung amin! Bwahahaha. Anyways, we learn new steps again. It was cute, i love it.

During the practice, I cant stop thinking of him at the same time there's someone who really catches my eye. Labo? My heart's with him but my eyes are with this another guy.

All i know is that I'm confused, am i falling for a wrong person?

Please, let me escape from this.

2008-09-22T21:35:00.005+08:00

I want to be rescued from what I'm feeling today. I wanna disappear and never worry about others think of me. I wanna understand why is this happening. I want to know why am i so weak right now where I need to be impregnable and fight this pain that i'm going through.

"Why aren't you mad at him?" others ask me this question and i still manage to run from it. I dont know why and when I ask them if I really need to be they always answer "From what he did, there's no person who would stay loving that person". I dont get it, am I being to weak? From what he said to the girl which is NOT true, i should be mad and i should be wishing him bad karma but hey, Im still ending up ~~loving~~ him. I know it sounds stupid but I cant help it.

Weak. Weak. Weak.

I want to run from this. Escape from these questions, problems and pain.

Everytime I see him, looking at him from a far away distance. I always ask myself "Hanggang dito na lang ba ako?" It sucks. I know. Looking at him while he's looking at someone else is a stupid move for me. I shouldn't be like this.

I thought I've moved on already but I was wrong.

There are times that I feel like I've moved on, but still there are times that Im still craving for him. Calling other people by his name is a sign that I still miss him a lot. I always shout "Ohmy!" whenever I remember something from the past and realize how happy are we when the five of us is still together. I thougt it would be forever but I was wrong. Now, Im having a hard time believing if the word "forever" still exist.

- -

When I was in the bus a while ago, I made some thinking and realize something. Labong Labo parin ako sa break-up namin. It's really hard to loose someone especially when you guys didn't got the chance to talk about it. As in FULL TALK. Im still looking forward for that day. Im hoping na, if ever we will had that one chance i might be understanding everything. That's why Im being like this, Gloomy, Mystify, Uncontented girl is because everything's not clear to me. Everything's a big question mark.

Im looking forward to it but Im not expecting. I just want that day to come.
Let's do everything one last time. I want it, I'll wait :)

"So let's have one last dance to our first song while pretending this nothing wrong".
I just want to have that last day and I'll see you in my dreams.

and oh, one more thing.
Isn't it weird hearing our song 3 times today. One @ my cousin's computer shop. One @ my dad's car and I didn't mean it to play and last when I viewed his profile in multiply. (Im not a stalker, i just saw him viewing mine so I viewed his) Im still listening to our first skype conversation. haha. stalker? No! I erased it already, dont worry.

I'll see him tomorrow again. I'll see them together again. It hurts, yeah. but c'est la vie.

This is what I feel, Im sorry. Im not over reacting here. I just type what I feel because in this blog, I dont pretend. It's tiring to pretend the whole day now it's time to be the real me.

DANCE TROUPE

2008-09-21T23:47:00.006+08:00

Who would have tought that I'll join a dance troupe? Even my parents were shocked.
5 members are from my block. That's Me, Cara, Vince, Ken and Russell.

I missed the 3rd meeting because I had a hangover.

SORRY NA! See you tomorrow guys.

I'll sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep na. Goodnight World. Goodnight Guys. Goodnight White, IMY :)

It was supposed to be..

2008-09-21T22:51:00.002+08:00

one hour to go and this day is over. I want it over at the same time I dont.

Later this morning, My tummy aches. It hurts like there's no tomorrow. I was crying to my mom while holding my tummy. Gaaaah, I look like a 3yrold screaming so hard because it hurts like hell. then suddenly I stopped and realize, is this just my alibi? but still I ended up crying.

I miss everything. I miss highschool, I miss Gangbang and most especially I miss him. I thought I've moved on already but I was wrong. I viewed every single album that i have here in my computer. Thousands of picture were there, the sweet ones, the happy ones and yeah especially the Last one. I wouldn't forget that, It was taken somewhere in SDA. Why do I miss him a lot? Oh, I know. Today was supposed to be our Monthsary. Every 21st day of the month makes me miss him a lot. Thinking that, i would have been holding his hands so tight today or i would have been seating right next to him and saying those sweet words that we use to tell.

But hey, We're Done.
Some says, I should be mad. others tell me i should find a new one. My mom told me, "I told you" and my dad told me "I tought he loves you?". WAAAAAH. Stop. One by One please. You're drving me crazy. I cant think. I cant analyze.

Whenever i have dinner with my Family or Friends, they always tell me that it's my fault. I shouldn't trust a guy right away. I should have known him better. YAH, I know and Im sorry. Feelings kasi kagad ang pinairal ko, hindi yung Reality. and Im sorry. Is it wrong to Love a person right away? If it's bad then I didn't know it was. All i know those time is that I love him, he loves me and i dont care about the rest. It sucks, i know.

find a new one? I think it's not right. I mean, i shouldn't look for it. It will come but not RIGHT AWAY. There's this one guy who really made me smile for the past week. It's white, haha. I love colors and I love giving them code names through colors. White or Tairo (not his real name) Really makes me smile last 2 weeks ago, I thought i would be happy because I have a new friend. but when he confessed his real feelings and told me the truth i suddenly thought of myself, isn't it disrespectful because it's so fast? or should i trust this guy?

I ran away again. I was scared to Love again. I dont want to be hurt again that's why I ran. Did i just said "AGAIN" three time? Yeah, I did and that proves that i dont want to be hurt for the 3rd time around. I'll take a rest. Focus on my studies and to my friends, family and bowling. I'll face reality little by little. Then after, I'll ask myself If I'm ready. He said he'll wait, I said "Im also waiting". He said "Ill wait for you" then I said "Dont expect, please. That's what I did and It hurt me more."

Cara told me that it's better to move on and be strong and that's what Im doing for the past 2 months and still it hurts. I should be mad but I cant. STUPID ko no? :l

I told myself, no more EMO POST. but hey, Im typing another one. It sucks i know. I want this to be last. I hope this would be. I want to have a peaceful life. No Pain, No fights and No People like them but i dont control those people. I dont have the Remote to control my life. I dont have the power to be numb and I dont have the skill to know first if the guy would hurt me.

I just want to be happy again. Please.
Sana INSOCIO na lang lagi, para happy. Nandun kasi si Crush! Bwahahaha.

Monday na ulit. I wann go to school to learn not to get hurt.
HAHA. I'll just smile tomorrow. Like what Mr. Algeb told us..
"Kahit nahihirapan ka na sa problems, Smile ka lang. Para di halatang di mo kaya"
That's right. It's much better to pretend, they'll never know if you're having a fake or a true one.

Friday & Saturday

2008-09-21T14:07:00.010+08:00

Friday? It was a blast.

Lot's of unexpected things came into my way.

from school to photoshoot, practice to kevin's concert, kevin's concert to Lara's Birthday Blowout.

Lot's of shocking stories, incident or even people came into my way. This day was soooooo tiring and I ended up drunk at Lara's Bed :) Oh yeah. I was drunk. Suuuuuuperr drunk but I denied it! haha.

THANKS CARA sa mga kwinento mo. Yung iba talaga nakakagulat. Yung iba nakakatawa pero yung isa talaga yung pinaka nakakagulat at pinaka gusto ko na kwento :) Ang sama ko! :P

Anyways, then after the Photoshoot for our Dance Troupe we went to Coro San Benildo's Concert to watch Kevin. OHMY! Kevin's solo was really a standing ovation! haha. I mean, there were lot's of people who shouted and clapped for him. GALING! Here's a short video.

Then after watching Kevin this was the most tiring thing that happened to me. First time ko din gawin ito. Nag commute ako using LRT 1 then LRT2. Grabe, na amaze ako sa itsura ng LRT2. Para siyang Airport! Wahaha. Enjoy ako kahit super layo ng byahe ko just to attend Lara's birthday na sobrang saya ko kahit di lang siya Obvious. :))

LASING KAMI? OO.

Me and Lara finished a bottle of chocolate mud shake thingie. (Di yung putek) bwahaha. then a bottle of tequilla also plus some beers. There were no Smokes. KARAOKE was present.Sing a long until 4:00 am. Nung kami na lang ni Lara ang natira sa Karaoke Machine, the songs were, "Before i let you go" "One last Cry" Id rather" "Love moves in myserious ways" "Wherever you'll go" "If you'll leave me now" "Fixing a broken heart".

Di naman masyadong obvious na Broken kami? Hmmm. For a while lang. Iyak Iyak ng onti kaming dalawa then after that we just hug each other tight and said "We'll make throught this together". Kahit lasing na kami, Nagawa pa din namin maalala na, Moved on na pala kami.

We slept @ around 5 na. The next day, hindi kami nakapag training. May training sila sa PJB na hindi ko na inaatendan but I also had a training in our dance troupe, since late na kami nagising hindi na kami tumuloy. Natulog na lang ulit then took a bath then pasyal then uwi.

NAKAKAPAGOD YUN HA! Commute pa ako umuwi.

yan yung nangyari sakin ng Friday && Saturday. Ewan ko. Ang weird eh, para sakin.

Madami din akong nalaman. Narealize and na feel :)

Bunyagan na ito!

2008-09-19T02:33:00.004+08:00

THANKS FOR MAKING MY DAY DIFFERENT <3

Mean Girls ++ Kevin and Vince and especially, Jobow my sister.

ILY GUYS.

I never expected this day. Really.

Gwapo and Pretty kasi, kaya. Oh? Wala ng aangal.

Baka matangalan pa kita ng bungo :))

* Green Loves you peeps *

I wont anymore give a damn.

2008-09-19T01:11:00.003+08:00

Never again to their level.

- -

Since it's 1:59 na. It's Friday na, first thing first. Happy Birthday Lara my Labs! :)

So, anung nangyari kahapon? September 18,2008, aside from Joanna and Ralph's Monthsary. Well, sobrang daming revelations ang nangyari. Sobrang daming mga hidden things na nabunyag na! Yung mga akalain mong "wala lang" ay big deal sa iba. Nakakatawa? Oo, nakakatawa na nakakainis. Am i still in highschool? Can you tell me please. Grabe Kasi.

Plastik? Talamak parin. Akala mo kung sinong concern tas ikaw pala tong nagbabaliktad ng kwento pag nagkkwento ka sa mga kaibigan mo? SHET. Sobra. Isa na lang. bibingo ka na.

MADAMI PA AKONG GUSTONG SABIHIN.
kaso, baka ano lang sabihin ng iba dyan. Baka may matamaan at magreact kahit di sila sigurado kung sila ba talaga yung tinutukoy ko.

Basta, isa pa talaga.
ISA NA LANG TALAGA.

tama sabi nina Cara, Pao and Rita. Kung ngayon ako sasabog, medyo wala sa lugar at ako talo. Maghintay na lang daw ako na gawin ulit yon ni ano tas dun na namin kakausapin. Chilax muna.

About my heart?
I've finally Moved on. This is not plastic or whatsoever.
I dont know how, basta I've moved on. Yey :)

Time to throw those memories and go on with this life.

"But there’s a first time for everythingAnd I’ll fall in love againWhen I begin my second time aroundIt’s the last time I’ll think of youYou can do what you’d like to doBut if you only knew I’m never coming back."
- Five times August. First time for Everything.

You made me realize. YOU REALLY MADE REALIZE why should i really go now.
Thanks to you. Super Thanks. though I'll miss you, yellow. I'll be around, always.

Eto na. I finally made Reality chase me.
I kept running from it this past months but i suddenly gave up.

Atleast, no more tears. no more pain.
I GUESS? Hmmmmmm. Let's see na lang.

Sa mga CREEPS naman who really wants to ruin our life and still continue to do it. Thanks, coz you're making us strong. I wont anymore give a damn.

* Green is still standing still. She's strong. I know she is.

It's always been you.

2008-09-16T21:19:00.002+08:00

You make me smile, but my heart still belongs to him.

It sucks that im still standing here, choosing someone who wont be happy with me.

SOMEDAY? I hope so.

They cried.

2008-09-15T21:14:00.003+08:00

Wala akong nagawa.

- -

Nagising ako kanina ng tama. Sakto lang, walang trapik at hinatid ako ng dryber na hindi kami namamadali. Coool, hindi hassle. Pumasok ako ng classroom ng nakangiti, masaya at blooming daw ako? haha. Ewan ko nga ba, pero sabi nila Jazz, Francine at Micah blooming daw! :)) So yun nga, masaya ako. (Oo, dahil sayo! Ikaw kasi ehh!)

Notes. Notes. Notes.
Nasa mood ako mag notes, makinig at matuto. Yes! Inspired? Nakss. Nakangiti nga alng ako buong araw eh. Pero, bakit ganoon? Pag masaya ako, malungkot naman ung friends ko?

sa di inaasahang pangyayari.
Nung kami ay nagkita ng Friend ko na si Lara, isang HRIM student din sa aming eskwelahan. Napaiyak siya sakin sa mga kinukwento niya, nakikita ko sa kanya ang sarili ko nung hindi pa tlaga ako nakakapag move on sa kanya. oo, sa kanya. Naiyak din ako habang nagkwento siya at nasabi ko din sa sarili ko, Shet. Nakapagmove on na ba talaga ako? Then un nga, napagusapan na din namin na magrent na lang kami ng Apartment/Condo para lagi na kaming magkasama ng aking close close friend na si Lara. Tapos, ako'y dumarecho na sa SDA. Late na kasi ako sa AlgebX pero, nakahabol ako. La pa si Joanna ng dumating ako, pero maya maya ay dumating na din siya. Nadama ko ang katahimikan niya at hindi ko alam kung bakit, pagkatapos ng Algeb namin ay bigla na lang siyang lumabas, nakatingin sa bintana.

Tinanung ko siya kung bakit, at ayun nagkwento siya at hindi niya na din napigilan at umiyak na din siya.

Wala akong nagawa kundi patahanin sila. Nagsalita ng mga advice, ngunit ramdam ko ang kakulangan noon. Haay, babawi ako. Sana, nadoon din sina Pao at Ram nung umiiyak si Joanna, sabi niya, namimiss niya na din yung dalawa at hindi ko rin mapagkakait na namimiss ko din silang dalawa. Namimiss ko yung dating kami. Yung "Apat Dapat". Di sana, nakatulong din sila sa pag advice kasi, hindi ko rin alam kung ano.

Babawi ako. Jobow at Lara.
Wag na kayong malungkot, please.

KAYA NATIN TO! OK? Tignan niyo ako? Strong.
anu daw? Ako ba ito? :))

Photographer kuno!

2008-09-14T21:09:00.007+08:00

I'm a photographer in the making.

Yey, I love youuuuuuuuuu tairooo! :) Let me paint your face.

I'll color it Green and I'll color my face red, oh wait! It's red already.

You inspire me, you really do.

La La La Love. Yeah, we're so inlove.

Goodbye Stalker!

2008-09-11T07:57:00.003+08:00

TAGALOG ENTRY for a change.

Tapos na din.

Wala na kaming stalker, infairness matalino siya SOMEHOW pero nalito na siya/sila.
Threats. Threats. Threats.

"May alam ako sayo" - stalker.
Masyado kang nagpapaobvious eh. May hinala na kami sayo :))
Tatawa na lang ako, pero pag nalaman lang talaga namin ni Joanna na ikaw talaga yun. Naku, baka hindi kami basag ang muka kundi IKAW.

Tigilan mo na lang tong Laro na to, hindi na nakakatuwa.

--

So, anu naman nangyari kahapon bago kami sundan nung Stalker Kuno na yon? Hmm. Wala naman. Nakakatuwa lang kasi na-appreciate talaga ako ni PAT. hehe, Super Thank You siya kasi pinansin ko daw and nakita ko siya. Sweet daw ako, yes! Na touch naman ako don! :) Anyways, La namang masyadong nangyari pero meron isang part na nagulat talaga kami ni IENNE. haha. Bentong? haha. Gets na ni ienne yan. Hay! Grabe.

Anyways, Umulan lang. Tila sumasabay ang aking mood swings sa weather pero mostly tahimik lang ako yesterday. Nag compose lang ako ng kanta, kinanta naman ni Joanna pero hindi pa kami tapos. Nag recite lang ako ng biglaan sa Intecom at Active ako sa Algeb-X. haha. So, wala naman tlagang mahalagang nangyari.

parang ilang bes ko nang binangit na "walang mahalagang nangyari" sa post ko na ito at hindi ko alam kung bakit. Siguro meron, pero napakaliit na bagay. Mas marami paring masakit kesa sa masaya. Pero, may karapatan pa ba akong maging ganito? Siguro meron lalo na pag ako na lang yung lumalaban. Ang Martyr ba? haha. Ewan ko nga eh. Di ko magawang lumaban ng patas. Sige, Isang term na lang naman di ba? Kaya pa to Siguro :)

Sige, Lord. Damihan mo pa yung mga problema namin.
Sige lang. Baka diyan po kayo masaya eh. Iintindihin ko na lang kayo.

Ngayon, alas onse pa pasok ko at nakakatmad ng pumasok ngayon. Umuulan pa, pero dati kahit may bagyo gustong gusto kong pumasok. haha. iba na nga kasi ngayon. Sobrang IBA na. isa dalawang upuan na magkalayo dati normal pa, pero dulo sa dulo? Alam mo talaga na may nagbago na. Mga Ngiti na pilit? o yung mga hindi inaasahan na pagtitinginan sabay iwas ng tingin? Iba na talaga at yoon ay Normal sa dalawang taong Nagmahalan. Lalo na yung nagmahalan sa maling panahon.

Maraming nagbabago, Maraming umaalis, Maraming nananatili pero mas marami parin umaasa. Ano kaya ako doon? Nagbago? Umalis? Nanatili? o Umaasa? Hm. Malay ko ba, Lahat? haha. Ewan ko.

Hindi rin natin masasabi kung anong mangyayari sabi nga naman ni Paolo, pero dapat matuto din akong magtira ng pagmamahal sa sarili ko na meron parin naman. Basta, Nandito lang ako palagi. Hindi man ako tulad ni Superman na kayang buhatin ang isla pero meron kaming parehas na kakayahan. "Lagi lang akong nandito" "I'll be always around"

Miss na kita, friend.

2008-09-10T01:55:00.002+08:00

it's 1:55 am and still Im up.

I cant sleep, Im just listening in JANGO for the past 4 hours of my life. If it's not Five times august its Daphne Loves Derby. If it's not Jason Mraz its Seconhand Serenade but what strucked me the most? It's still the Jonas Brothers.

I love their song "Please be mine". LSS na ako.

Anyways, my eyes are blinking so fast that i could fall asleep while typing post but i just cant. I CANT.

Lots of things enter my mind and bothers me a lot. GAH.
I want peace. Please.

2008-09-09T22:44:00.002+08:00

am i being EMO?

I dont think so. Im sad. When Im sad I write.
but cutting classes? I dont know. That was way over but I cant help it. Promise, that would be the last time and promise to bring my inhaler where i will go.

I just want to end these things. Problems and Stuffs.
Whether it deals with Family, Friends or even Love.

I just want to end this term. I thought this term will make a difference but I was wrong. I mean, we were Wrong.

Go with the flow Niq? Even it's really breaking you.
Sacrifice? Yeah. Even your feelings? Hmm. I guess.

"One last dance to our first song while pretending there's nothing worng"- 4tune

2008-09-09T22:02:00.002+08:00

Im weak. It's true.

I thought I was strong, but i wasn't. It hurts even more and I dont know why. There's something that I dont know. Here i go again, being this little kid and my phobia strikes again. Im like having my fear again, fear of closed spaces. That's what i felt a while ago during algebra. I want air. I want air. So, I cutted. I cant stand it anymore.

I know it's weird? over-reacting? childish act? But hey! I myself cant understand why I did it but I just cant get over it. Joanna cutted also, we took a walk. While she was seating at the bleachers, I was running at the Oval in Rizal Memorial. The air was good, it feels like I'm in heaven that i wasn't thinking of what's happening to my life right now. After that, me and joanna talked and talked. Shared some stuffs and She is sad also today. We're in the same situation right now. LOTS OF PROBLEM and it sucks. My heart pumps so hard like there's no tomorrow.

Then I went a ride at the LRT. Up to Baclaran. Went to baclaran church. Met my mom @ San Juan De dios, then went to Makati Med. Chemo Theraphy really makes me feel nervous. Scared and Cry. Yes, it hurts. Super. (though wala pa din tatalo sa sakit na nararamdaman namin ni Joanna) Before the theraphy, this SOMEONE is texting me these weird texts messages. He/She texts my friends and one blockmate. "IM DEAD" daw tomorrow, well. Let's see! :

Then after the theraphy, the texter FLOODED MY PHONE. Puro threats and deadma na lang ako. Ang pathetic kasi ng dating. Harapan na lang kaya? Para mas ayos? Siya yung lumalabas na Duwag eh haaaaaaaay.

anyways, ang weird nitong day na to. One minute I feel ok because you're there then next I feel stupid/nervous/sad/weird because there are lots of things that come into my mind. AYOKO NA MAG-ISIP, MAG PREDICT, MAG ASSUME because it only breaks my heart. Im here, trying to get over it, then one second BOOM! Ayan nanaman.

"You're strong babe, I know that. Please Smile for me" - Mama

FINALS!

2008-08-26T18:09:00.002+08:00

First day of Exam?

Yeah, today was the day. First Day of Final Exams. It was different from highschool. You can cheat anytime without noticing by the proctor. wow, it's really different. You dont need to wait for everybody to be finished, you can go right after you finished the test. Oh yes, College na talaga. Iba na tlaga to :)

How was the test? It was Good.
PANALO NANAMAN ANG MGA TAMAAAAD!
Why? Swerte tlaga kami. Me, Pao, Ram and Joanna didn't studied this weekend and still we manage to answer and finish the test. Gepsych? Sisiw, I think i answered it for only 45 mins? It was so Easy. Ms Fern is really right the test was really easy. History? Whew, Easy. I didn't study because i Listened to our lectures naman so some of the items that were asked there in the test was able to be answered by me. YEY! Then after the History Exam, We didn't bother to review for Poligov Exam but instead we played DOTA! haha. Sorry na, Addict lang. Me and Ram were teamed versus Pao and Joanna! :) YEY, me and Ram won. Paolo, BADING! He always kill me. haha. Basta, Happy ako nung nag DOTA ako, why? haha. alam ni Joanna kung bakit. It's a shallow reason but for me it really made a difference to me.

eto na. POLIGOV EXAM!
We were late, syempre galing dota. Sumabit pa ako sa pintuan but it's fine. While tkaing the exam, me and pao had the same Set of Exam and super cheating to the max kami. We were seating at the back row and the proctor were just sitting infront. Everybody is cheating, not everybody but majority of the class is cheating. I took my notes out same with Joanna! Sisiw, Perfect na! HAHA. Chaaaaaaaaamba nanaman!

anyways, after the exams. we just stayed @ CSB MAIN. Made some silly stuffs with Sis but still enjoy naman ang thrill! :D Went home with Ram and Pao. Ay, basta. HAPPY AKO!

hmmmmmm. What a day, it was really a happy day. Lots of unexpected things happened!
YEY YEY YEY. Happy Happy, i never felt this happiness since July 29. Thanks Yellow. Di mo lang alam! :)) thanks Pao and Joanna! :*

Yesterday.

2008-08-26T17:51:00.002+08:00

What happened yesterday?

We dont have classes because it's a Holiday, yesterday. National Heroes day to be exact. I thought i can sleep up to 12 but my mom woke me up at around 7 and told me that we will go to look new lots and furnitures. We need to go to Binondo also to buy some of her jewelries and we need to meet her friends at Luk Foo Hot Pot! Yum Yum, Shabu Shabu.

It wasn't a good morning because my sleep wasn't full. So, I fixed my stuff, myself and stuck my earphones on my bleeding ears and slept at the car. When I woke up, we were at Multinational Village na! I was shocked and the Bad Mood went away. Why kaya? haha. then, I went out of the car and i was facing a vacant lot from a street that I dont know. I asked my mom why are we here, and she answered "This is your Tita Mita's Lot, and it's For Sale" I said " SO??" then my mom answered... "I think i want this lot" and went, "WTF?? are you serious?" then she said "yah but we're not gonna transfer here right away, im still gonna build a house here. DUH?" Aba, Duh pa daw. and i said to myself, OMG! OMG! I dont know if my mom is Serious or whatsoever because she was smiling like she's not serious about what she is saying! hahaha. So, i went to the car and I was just smiling and thinking, "shet? am i excited or what?" But, I dont know. Please. Why am i feeling this way? :))

So, after going to Multinational Village. We went to Luk Foo Hot Pot, it was a anew restaurant and it was my first time to Visit it. The foooooooooood was so YUMMY! :) Then after that me and my mom went to Shang first to buy some shirts, dress and shoes. Weeee, bonding. Then went to Binondo to buy me a new watch! Thanks mom.

After that tiring day, we went back to alabang to meet my tita. Had a dinner at Contis then went home to Imus na! :P
GAAAAAH. Super Shocked pa din.

MOM? ARE YOU SERIOUS? :))

2008-08-22T19:40:00.003+08:00

"You're not weak. You're just inlove. That's all."
-Trixie

Am i? Inlove? Is being inlove makes me so weak? or being so inlove, then suddenly someone gives up, leaves you and now you're beggining to become weak because you cant handle it? :l

I wanna be the old Niqui again, the strong one. The Old me that is not afraid to realize things. To accept the fact that it's over. I wanna be the old Niqui again, the one who can smile even there is a lot of pain inside.

Maging manhid na, basta wag lang masaktan ulit.
To be honest with you guys, I'm afraid to fall inlove again. I AM, seriously. Will it take two years again? PUHLEEEEEES, not again.

Here i go again.

2008-08-22T19:22:00.002+08:00

I dont know. I keep typing, then erase. type, then erase. There's so much to say but i dont know how to start. I feel like, i wanna shout but i cant. I wanna cry but i ran out of tears. I wanna laugh but i dont have the reason to. I wanna be free from this hurt but i dont know how to.

What happened to me? It's 5 days since i wrote something in my blog. Well, i took a rest. Think about things that i should think. If it's A or b? If i need to sttle things down. If i need to go with the reality. I made some thinking.

Here i go again. My heart beats fast like it will explode. I sweat a lot like there is someone chasing, ah! yah. It's reality again. Chasing me around, but i keep on running away from it. But running away from it will hurt me more? I guess, that's why Im trying to grab it and understand it. Im trying, Yes. I AM.

You mad? Hm. Irritated i know, but why? Yet, you didn't say why and it hurts even more. I wanna know. Im dying to know, but I dont want to irritate you again. I'm sorry.

See? How hard it is? I dont know. It's hard for me and I want to end this but i cant. HELP ME? Please. I still have one more term to fix these. One more term. I'll go what Lor said, Wait. Yah, i'll wait but tell me when to stop and let's do everything for the last time.

I wanna be happy. That's all.
what if, happiness means letting you go? would i still want to be happy?
IDTS. :l

friendship over.

2008-08-17T19:40:00.003+08:00

well, it's officially over. THANKS FOR EVERYTHING you fat liar. Just leave me alone together with your wannabe creeps. Apology not accepted and that's final. I might forgive but never forget. I'll forgive if you just stop texting me, calling me or even ask my mom how am i doing. FRIENDSHIP is really over. I realized that, you're nothing anymore. I'll take the risk to be alone rather that being with you. Oh, wait. I still have friends here, waaaaay better than YOU.

STOP TEXTING ME. PLEASE. I BEG YOU.
its not funny anymore. using a different number is way old school. It's nice if we just cut or connection. dont make me change my number. dont make me hate you again coz you'll definitely suffer this next term or for the rest of your life. Mahaba na naging pasensya ko sayo, You did this thousand times and i forgive you everytime but it's different now.

If you just kept your mouth shut and listened to me last night, this wouldn't be going this far. I might understand you because you've planned it and i'll understand how you will react but throwing those words like you know what's really happening to me? that's bullshit. definitely, it is. So, dont you dare come to my house just to say sorry. Mababastos lang kita, hindi kita kakausapin. Im through with you! i know you're reading this and you really put me in my last nerves. YOU PISSED ME OFF! Sana tumigil ka na lang dun sa isang text me, eh sinundan mo pa?! Grabe, if you really feel sorry, feel sorry for yourself coz you just lost a friend who cared for you once.

Thanks for the friendship that we built but you ruined it. 6 years was broken because of youre stupid big mouth. I dont know if you'll regret this but i wont. Mabuti ng nalaman ko yung tunay na sarili mo. I dont know if your jealous or whatsoever but you're acting like a gradeschool student. Backstabber and a shiny plastic. I thought you've change but you didnt. Same old You.

YES IM MAD. SUPER, that's why stay away from me. PLEASE.

2008-08-17T10:40:00.005+08:00

Doing certain things can make the situation worse.
Unfortunately, we tend to make these mistakes when we are in an emotional turmoil, especially just after a break up.
Fortunately, these mistakes are usually not fatal.
I didn't mean to do these things but i was just out of my emotions.

but now. Im trying to face it. Seriously, I am.

IM JUST GONNA GO WITH THE FLOW.

and let's see how far will i go. please, lord. Help Me! -_____-

i wanna be strong and be happy for some time.
i wanna make a difference and say "Im ok!".
i wanna know the answers that is bothering me.
i wanna know if he still have feelings for me. though im scared.
Im still hoping, but Im trying to be strong also.
See, Im trying. and let's hope everything's gonna be alright.

2008-08-17T01:04:00.003+08:00

What just happened yesterday and i didn't got the chance to write in my blog? :)) YAHH, I was busy. I wrote only some but not exactly what happened to me.

It started when I had a breakfast with my dad and some of my realtives in tagaytay. Yah, My mom is not around because she had work. So, after the suuuupeeerrrr YUMMY breakfast, we went to Carmona, in my cousins place because its FIESTA over there, we had our lunch there and stayed for some chit chat and watsoever! Then after that around 2:00pm we went home na, It was really a long trip. I listened to my Ipod and fate was playing with me again. First song, BOUT IT. hmmmm, it was a party song! So, i was like singing and singing and singing. then next song, "First time for Everything" It was like a song about a guy who finally moved on though its really pretty hard for him, so it made me realize that I should move on with my life with or without him. I smiled pa, like everything is okey. Like it's so easy for me though its never been hard like before. So, I said to myself "Kaya to" then the next song was "Love the way" SEE? Is fate really playing with me again. Memories started to take place, i remember the days when we were still together, holding hands and i feel like not letting go of him, hugging him so tight because i wouldn't see him during weekends. Those memories that really made me sigh and said to myself, "shit, Im not yet ready to let go." GAH! Im still hoping, unless he's the one that will formaly let me go, said to me in person that it's really over. Im scared that day will come and look who's not ready. geeeesh, enough muna. I dont want to cry :(

so after the Roooooadtripp with my Family, we stayed @ Marden's Coffen Shop and it was really nice. It was my first time to go their and it was really cooooool and it's near! Bagong tambayan ko na yun pag may WiFi na! Sabi nila, they'll have it :) Anyways, after having their yummy "Devil's Food" we really went home. I'm starting not to feel well, then i got Online but I fell asleep then when i woke up, my mom is already here and said that I'm sick. Nilalagnat daw ako! I said, no it cant be, I still have panoram jamfest at night and it's Ordev-A accredited! Pinayagan ako, kasi i said it's super kailangan then on the other side MICHELLE is mad at me. I should go with them @ San Miguel by the bay last night but because of the plan that Im going to Panorama Jamfest, I didn't got the chance to go with them. She said that, i can have the ticket then let it sign somewhere just to have an accreditation for my ordev. I said, sayang naman ung binayaran ko and I wanna see what's the Jamfest all about and I want to Andi9 also. Then she said to me "Is that what you really want to see? or him? You know he doesn't love you anymore but you're still sticking yourself to him. Wake Up girl, this is reality calling you. No more dreams and Hopes! It will just break you more. Why cant you just accept that it's GAME OVER. He's done playing but you're still playing? It's like playing with a person then suddenly quits, then you still manage to continue what he left behind." GRABE! Ang sakit. SUPER, i was like "Shit! that's not the fucking reason behind why i went to that concert. Yah, I want to see him ofcourse but not like that." I said, If a friend can say that to me, I better be not frirnds with her anymore. I should have choooose good friends before. I thought she will understand me but not. Thanks!

a picture taken @ the jamfest :)
this is one of my favorite shot. i love it.

more pictures from the jamfest here.

So after the Jamfest, we went home. Then i took a taxi and saw my bestfriend's car @ Macapagal. I went down and stayed for a while. I was really amazed how they play this Drag Racing. I saw him race pa, but i saw some of his friends were drinking and i said to him "Please, dont drink. Mag drive ka pa pauwi. ihahatid mo pa ako diba?" Then he said, "lakas mo tlaga sakin" :) HAHA. I missed this kumag, he said to me. Ganto na lang ba ako, magpapakita pag broken hearted. Then we laughed lang! :)) I made kwento and stuff and he got angry because i dont take good care of myself daw. I always let people do that to me. He feels sorry for me, for what is happening to me. I felt saved for a while when i was with him. When we bid our goodbyes before i left his car he said to me. "Nandito naman ako palagi eh, ikaw lang tong nawawala. Wag mo masyadong itago sa sarili mo yang mga problema mo. Alam mo namang ayaw kitang nalulungkot. Please lang, wag mo hayaang gawin ng iba yan sayo." Then I said, Thanks Bes. I miss you. It was really a relief talking to someone that can make you smile at the end of the day. I tought it will really end up SAD. But, somehow. SOMEHOW. somehow, someone made me smile kahit for seconds lang basta its true thats all that matters.

2008-08-16T16:01:00.004+08:00

Love is the greatest gift we can ever hope to give or receive. Love is the one thing that can overcome so many of the difficult times that we are faced with in life. Love is so powerful - it can turn frowns into smiles. It can help mend the most broken heart. It can even turn all of the ugliness in the world into the most beautiful portrait we could ever have the pleasure to behold. Such a monumental task of course... it could be. But only if we try to do it alone. Instead, if each of us, in our own small way contributed just a little together, the task can become the reality we're reaching for. As potent as what love can be, it can only work it's magic if we choose to allow it to. For that to come to pass we must let go of the other emotions that can get in love's way. How is that - you may wonder? Consider the thought that, first Anger, It's normal, but holding on to it indefinitely isn't really necessary. Let it go... Forgiveness is so much better for the soul than holding on to a grudge. Not only will the person you're angry at be happier but so will you. another one is harshness, Harsh words take just as much effort and energy as kind ones do. Why not consider your choice of words before you speak them and choose gentler ones to get your point across. Impatience, Aren't we all guilty of this at one time or another? Keep reminding yourself of the old saying - "Patience is a virtue" who wouldn't want to be a little more virtuous? Mistakes, We all make them! So when someone else does, forgive them as you hope others would do for you. Allow them to be "only human" and consider the fact that they didn't mean any harm by it. Did you, when you made one? EXPECTATIONS, Set them low enough that they are achievable - not so high that you fail to reach them. No one wants to feel like a failure - neither you or the other person. If you don't expect too much you will not be disappointed. Perfection, We weren't born perfect, i Take the time to know each other's heart - when you do you will be more understanding and less apt to misunderstand another's intentions, which probably were never meant to hurt or upset you to begin with. Smile more often - it may cause a few wrinkles, at the very least, but then so does frowning. You choose what kind you'd rather have. And as you ponder that choice, keep in mind that they can both be contagious. Wouldn't you rather be greeted by smiles than frowns? Love causes less stress, less heartache, less misunderstandings, less of just about everything negative. Love does reap rewards - happiness, health, joy, peace, and so much more that's positive. Isn't that what we want most for this world of ours? Isn't this a much prettier picture? Remember the portrait? It's not impossible and we can all help to paint it. We can at least try, right? Think about it... it's not something that can be learned, so why not accept the fact that it doesn't exist. So many of us would breathe easier if this
concept would just fade away. I would, wouldn't you?

2008-08-16T14:46:00.006+08:00

"lead me back to your heart.."

I FOUND PEACE IN THE STREETS OF MANILA

picture is taken and edited by me.

In the moonlight Your face it glows Like a thousand diamonds I suppose And your hair flows like The ocean breeze Not a million fights Could make me hate you You’re invincible Yeah, It’s true It’s in your eyes Where I find peace Is it broken? Can we work it out? Let’s light up the town, scream out loud! Is it broken? Can we work it out? I can see in your eyes You’re ready to breakDon’t look away. So here we are now In a place whereT he sun blended With the ocean thin. So thin, we standAcross from each other Together we’ll wonder If we will last these daysIf I asked you to stay Would you tell meYou would be mine? And time Is all I ask for TimeI just need one more day And time You’ve been crying too long Time And your tears wrote this song Stay In the moonlight Your face it glows

what a day :|

2008-08-15T23:52:00.002+08:00

today was really a tiring day today though i didn't do any extra curricular things today. I did of lot things lang talaga :) First, I went jogging at around 5:00am to 6:00am in a park near our place then after taking a shower I went to Seton. I visted my previous school, many things changed and when I stepped once again to my alma mater i said to myself "Shet, namiss ko toh" I was with Kaye and we decided to Worship, after the worship we just made some chit chat to our highschool teachers. Miss Jham! Our Adviser, is preggy and Im so excited for her. Baby ng Physio! Then, I also saw Sir Dennis, one of my favorite teacher.

After visiting our school, I went to Imus Cathedral. The mass just ended when I arrived and it sucks. I want to go to mass pa naman but still i had the chance to talk to God a while ago. When i was kneeling and talking to God i cant help it but to be teary eye. You know, Im a person who cries easily but i dont know. I was asking him why does he allow to happen these things that Im experiencing right now, like problems in our house, my mom is sick and my dad is waaaaaaay so moody now a days, problems with my sickness, and yes, problem that I'm really facing hard right now, problem with my heart. I asked him "bakit mo siya kinuha sakin?" and i also asked him "why did you allowed to be US if you'll just gonna take him back easily?" questions like that. The wind blew hard and just left a smile in my face, I dont know why I smiled but it left me a good start on not ruining my day. After offering some candles, I went to the nearest computer shop and played DOTA. Sorry na! Im starting to be addict and I dont know if it's a gooooood idea! :)) then i went home found out that my mom didn't go to work because she was very sick. I took care of her for a while then later on i left the house because I still have classes. since i arrrived early, I went to Hollo Lounge again. A computer shop then i played Dota lang and I was late for Bibstud! Goooood thing they were watching a movie lang :P

after our class, we went to the LRC to REsearch some stuffs then went dota again at ARENA. we ended at around 9 and i went home at exactly 11pm. Gaaaaah. I sooooo hate the first jeepney driver. The jeep was supposed to end @ baclaran since i was the ONLY passenger left, he asked me to walk na lang. : It was tiring, that's why when i entered the jeeeeep, I finally took a nap! whew, I woke up when we were at Puregold na. SAKTO!! I didnt notice it was 11. When i reached home, my dad was mad as in really mad, he ws shouting on me not making me explain or talk then when he asked me if who am i with, I said i was qith ram and pao he suddenly said "Kasama mo namana pala si Ram eh, bat di mo sinabi nung nasa computer shop ka pa lang? ok naman pala eh" Whew, ganun lang pala un. I told white lies pa, lakas nia pala sa dad ko? hahaha. just kidding around!

Nothing special happened today but still it hurts even more. Lalu na pag alam mung wala ng magagawa :D Anyways, Smile lang.

i dont know.

2008-08-14T22:44:00.003+08:00

I'll tell you first what happened to me exactly today and help me analyze, should i be happy or not? should i'll be smiling after i write this post?
or should i be crying in my bed after this post?

I woke up a while ago with some strange feeling inside my heart. The feeling of being scared to get up and start playing with reality. the feeling of you're chasing by those answers but you keep on running away from them though you want to know what are they. In short, IM SCARED waking up because i dont know what might happen because i know he's still hangin around there and anytime he can or he cant come back but there's no choice but to face each f*cking fact that comes into my way. Anyways, after fixing myself i went to school early because i need to meet Ram, Paolo and Cj for ou History project. Chit Chat Talk and Talk. I dont know what i really felt when I was inside the rooooom. I feel so crowded thought it's the only the four of us is in the room and the room is really big for us. I hate seeing something that Im not ready to see. Parang, BOOOOOOM! ~~I saw it and it hurts~~. anyways, after eating at KFC we went to this beautiful computer shop! Enjoy naman ako kahit walang AI sa DOTA, I watched Gossip Girl lang and in the middle of our stay, I composed a song and Im not yet done with it. Im excited and i think this will be my new hobby, Composing songs!! after that we attended FILIP11. hay, as usual may napansin nanaman si Mrs. Siat. Then after that we ate early dinner then borrowed some books @ the LRC. I borrowed "Photography for Dummies" and "Photoshop CS Image effects". Sorrrrrry na! Addict lang. then when i reached home, nagyaya lang ako magdota first with my friends, since we're all girls and ako lang ang nag enjoy sa DOTA, i called my cousins and played with them na lang. They were really shocked because Im playing DOTA again, sabi nila "Kung hindi ka tumigil, di sana hindi ka na nagpapaturo" haha. I was playing like a year ago but i found out that i sucked. i jusged myself agad. baaaaaastaaa, sermon ang inabot ko paguwi kasi i left the computer shop at around 10 pm na!

I dont know what I really feel today. I think i started it so right but ended it wrong? or the other way around. I dont know. Im soooooo confused at this moment. I'm thinking about what happened to me today and i suddenly smile then i'll remember a particular thing that happened and that smile was inverted. I REALLY DONT KNOW what should i feel today. Happy? because of some things that happened. Some small things that I really treasure today, things that didn't matter to me in the past and now im treasuring it like i wont happen anymore. Sad? because of what I'm seeing, I'm feeling or what I'm getting with the situations. Should i be sad because we're sooooo close yet we're soooo far? Should i be sad because I'm standing infront of him but it's like i dont know him anymore? I mean, i think im missing a lot. As in a LOT. Im confused.
Im scared to know the truth or the answers to my questions.

I hate myself for seeing things i shouldn't see. I hate it.
I dont know why am i seeing those stuffs!
i hate it and at the same time it hurts me. I also hate myslef for being so paranoid. I think a lot of things. When something happens in always think that what does it mean, for real what does it means. SHET! Paranoid na nga, isip pa ng isip. Pag may particualr na bagay na nangyari iniisip ko kagad, "shet! baka ganito kasi ganyan" or whatsoever. grrrr. I hate it. It makes me feel sad. but unfortunately a while ago, i had overcome SOMEHOW the feeling of being hopeless. When i saw that "SOMETHING" i didn't reacted much and
Shet. Im tired.

I've decided that i'll ask him all of my questions but im still looking for a right time. I really want to know the answers to my questions because it's so hard for me to keep all of these. It makes me sad thinking every minute of my days all of these questions that bothers me a lot. but when Im reviewing the questions, it makes me all weak again.
how niqui? how should i ask him? :(

It's so HARD but im dealing with everyday.
Im dealing with the same question each day of my life. Im asking the same old question everyday. Im thinking about those things that might happen that will surely break my heart. Im asking myself "will i overcome the pain if ever his answer will be the hardest things that i'll accept?" SEE!? Im so paranoid/pessimistic.

i want to be happy as in for the WHOLE DAY kahit just for once.
then if that will happen, i'll look for the perfect day where we can talk. as in real talk without his currently bestfriend and let me feel the pain if i should. Let me know all the answers. Let me feel the pressure. Let me feel the feeling when i feel being claustrophobic again. feeling of crying again. I wanna feel you in my arms again, even for last time.

Listen to this song. "Just let it Go" by 4tune. i dont want to let go, but some of the lyrics there are the things i want to do if ever he'll say goodbye to me for real. IF EVER.

2008-08-13T22:39:00.002+08:00

do you still miss me? do still think of me?
do you still care about me? do you still have the feelings that we had?
do you still want to bring back the past?
do you still know what you are doing?
do you still smile when you remember something from the past?
do you still LOVE me?

if he will ask me. i'll definitely answer YES. Everyday.
each day that passes by and i know i still dont have in my arms, it breaks my heart even more.
it makes me cry whenever i look at our pictures. I cant sleep in my room for the past 2 days because my room is full of memories. anywhere i look, i can see something about him. pictures, letters and moments. Things that brings back the memories that we had. I never gave up on you, but why did you give up on me. It hurts, knowing you still love the person who left you behind crying. It hurts even more when you know the feelings are gone. It hurts.

some questions that i want to ask. there are lots them but those were just some of what's bothering me. You know the feeling when someone's shutting you down? Now, i know how it feels. Do you know how it feels when someone is letting you go? I dont know if I'm feeling the right way. I dont know how will i ask him. I'm not brave enough.

I just want him to answer those, or answer this very important question. If he'll answer it, and ill have the answer. I cant do anything about it but to accept. I want to know if we can still be together, because it's hard waking up each day hoping that some miracle can happen. Everyday, i pray and i wish for us to be together again but fate is really playing with me. Fate makes me move on for 2 years and easily break my heart in 1 month. Why? Answer me!!! Why?

why does fate want me to see crying everynight, everyday, everytime i remember something about us. i wanna be strong and happy just for once. why cant it be?

BLANK DAY x|

2008-08-13T20:36:00.006+08:00

What a miserable/kinda-happy/unlucky day!

I dont know if you'll believe me, but Im a person who always reflects on the things that i did for a particularly day. I'll come to think if i did something that might change something in my life or if i just had a miserable day. When i was in the bus a while ago, I reflected on things that i have done today or the things that happened to me today. It's kinda weird actually, I cant call it a HAPPY DAY because there were some part that is really not GOOD! Seriously not good. So, i guess i can call this day Kinda Happy yet Unlucky day for me. There were some stuffs that I dont understand why should it happen in the first place. My day goes like this...

I woke up at around 5:00 am and my dad is mad! We should be leaving at 5:30 am because he needs to go back in Cavite early because it's traffic in Bacoor. No choice, I slept late so i woke up late also. I only had 3 hours of sleep and it's really a pain in the head. I was like suffering from vertigo. YEAH, that hard. So, i slept at the car realizing that I'm not wearing seatbelt and because of those stupid jeepney driver our car was so close bumping to the jeep and it made my dad step on the break so hard, I woke up and bumped my head on the window. OUCH! it really hurts because i bumped really hard. So, when i reached Taft Avenue, it was only 6:30 and decided to stay at the LRC, i slept for a while until i noticed that Im late for my first period and its Physical Education. haha. Since it's just P.E. i went to Joillibee first to eat my breakfast because i was really hungry. Then i went to our class and suddenly ended it. Before Joanna goes home we went to hollow lounge first, it's a computer shop near our SDA Campus. We suddenly bumped into Mrs. Siat, exchange hi's and hello's and asked about us. Yeah, about us. I made some kwento and stuff then I was shocked that he knows it already. Grabe si Miss! Ang bilis ng chika. Anyways, i dont know if it's a big deal but i dont know, something's not right. I can feel it, P.E. palang, i can feel something is wrong. anyways, when joanna left the computer shop I played DOTA na lang! :)) It was fun. First time ko mapatay ung HERO na computer, Mega Kill daw!? haha then it was my first time to be that strong. (Well for me, malakas na un.) Im using Enigma a while ago and he's my new favorite! then time for ORDEV-A and it was really short. we answered 4 question only provided by a representative of a some office in the campus then after answering the question you may go already! COOOL, the subject last for only 20 mins.

We didn't had our lunch na, I didnt got hungry din naman in the first place. Me and Joanna decided to buy our favorite drink from ZEN TEA. (Zen Tea the best!) haha. "ne Choctea and One Nai Cha PLEASE!" whew, fave fave tlaga. Me and Joanna are also mistaken as sisters, well pinanindigan namin kay na kuya bartenders ang pagiging magkapatid namin ni joanna at mabenta naman ang kwento ever namin. Anyways, while having a stop there we had ourselves buying those materials for our project then we finished it on the 14th floor. We didn't got the chance to attend our bibstud class but good thing we had free cut on that subject! WALA SI TUBOO!! hahahaha. Lucky for us. we're not absent at all! but during those time that we were making the project, there was this one time that i came down to copy from pao's work because we dont know about the map thingie, I went there at the caf and I felt sad from what happened. You know the feeling that you know you're there but for them you were not. I look stupid? I'm getting paranoid again, maybe, that's why. Then i went upstairs and told joanna what happened. Tears fell from my cheek and i was about to give up. Joanna hugged me and comforted me. then suddenly, It made me feel calm. Dinaan ko na lang sa mga kantang ginawa ko, sa mga sigaw ko yung nararamdaman ko kanina. We listened to Music that really fits me and it made me teary eye lang. So, i decide to change the Genre of the MUSIC! :D

GEPSYCH CLASS! I thought my day was really miserable and dull but this class made some difference somehow. It made me smile, laugh and felt happiness for a short period of time. We had this activity where you'll put your name on a bond paper and stick it on the wall and let the other fill it with their first impression to you. I recieved lots of first good impression. Funny and Friendly top the impressions that people had on me. second is SHY & Quiet. Parang hindi tugma, then the third one is DOTA GIRL! :)) funny si Ken and the other one who wrote it! and there is this one person who wrote on my paper that only the two of us will understand it. "MIMI LOVES GEORGE!" hahaha! Gets niyo? Kaming dalawa lang nakagets nun. ENJOY tlaga tong subject na ito. Then after the class, ADVENTURE lang ang dinanas namin ni Joanna.

Lots of naughty things were done by the two of us. Nagalit pa yung guard. Di bale, me and joanna had a new thought of the day and it goes like this "DADATING DIN ANG ARAW NA HINDI KAYO MAKAKAUWI" hmmm, para yan sa gumagago sakin ngayon! :p Wen i reached UN Station, i was really wet. as in major wet. 30 minutes bago ako nakasakay and it was TRAAAAAAAFICCCCC! Taft pa lang plus bacoor and aguinaldo highway. Gah, hassle. Even my Ipod goes with the flow of my mood? I dont know if fate is playing with me. My ipod is in Shuffle mode but yet, after "ain't no other man" comes "Love the way" by five times august. It was our song. When the song started to play, memories came into my mind and it made me teary eyed. It sucks i know, pero mababaw tlaga ung luha ako. IYAKIN ako, oo! I admit it, i even cry to most smallest things. then after that song "first time for everything" played. it also made some connections to my situation right now. I MISS HIM, even more each day.

This day was really complicated. Mixed feelings and trips happened today. there is still bothering me. I dont know if it's true. I dont know how to face the fact if ever it's true. OH GOD, please help me. Im weak. Im really weak. Im scared. Im really scared. Please, let me know if something is wrong. :

I'm still up.

2008-08-13T01:25:00.003+08:00

it's already 1:30 am and im still up.
i know it sucks. but i dont know why! I cant sleeeeeeeep and it really pisses me off. i mean i wanna sleep but I cant. I still have classes at 7:00am and i need to leave the house at 6 so i need to wake up at 5:00 am and that means i should be in my f*cking bed right now having those weird dreams of mine but I'm not. Is this insomia? or am i thinking lots of lots of things? hmm. i guess both.

i wanna sleep and i can feel my eyes closing every now and then. I guess this is it! i hope so, i'll try to lie down and see what might happen. if i'll sleep right away, im tired if not im getting paranoid again. i dont know what im typing anymore.....

BUT HEY! I have a new layout! out of my insomia/being paranoid i cant bother to sleep so i made a new layout. Even in my MULTIPLY i have a new layout! :) Visit me and drop a comment! thanks thanks. I'll be sleeping naaaa. love you guys. ISTILLMISSHIM*
http://nictesh.multiply.com -- my multiply. visit & drop a hug please!

Breaktime.

2008-08-11T12:08:00.002+08:00

Well. As of now Im with Philip, Ram, Pao and Ken. Yah Im one of the boys again. We are here at Arena Computer Shop near our school since we have a long break again, to be exact its 3 hours and 30 minutes. YAH! It's super long. Im not with Joanna because she needs to go home. Anyways, before I went here. I went a walk first, I rode the LRT it Vito Cruz to Pedro Gil then i walk and walk and walk till i reach Robinsons. When I was walking alone, I felt really sad. I felt really nervous, not literally nervous but the feeling of being nervous. The feeling when you're having short in breathe. The feeling of you want to end your life because you dont know what to do. I felt those feeling a while ago. I was sweating a lot and I dont know what to do. I tried to calm myself but I just cant. I was thinking, What if nothing happens? I mean. If this is really the end of us. Im not ready yet. Those things entered my mind again and really made me sad, confused and upset. I hate myself. I dont want to act like this but I cant stop it and it really annoys me. I remembered what pre told me, that I should be careful with my actions because it may affect us. That's why im narrowing down and thinking everything that I will do, Im really thinking it for thousand times If i should do it or not, What might happend if i'll do it, may it affect us? or me? or him? I ask those questions, but a while ago I wasn't. I acted STUPID and i hate it. Gaaah. I hate it. I hate myself. When I was waiting for the LRT, I realized that I should wait.

So, as of now. IM WAITING! As in. waiting for what might happen.
If I'll be hurt in the end, there is no one to be blame but me because from the start i had a choice. If ill end up happy, then i'll make it the best and promise to work things out. It's hard to think that Im sitting here, watching him smile and tell to myself. "I already had him once, why did i let him go?" I miss him. Each day that passes by, It hurts me even more. Its been two weeks since i had this HAPPY MOMENT in my life. It sucks coz i dont know where I'll find it. I found it last time in his heart. I dont know how to retrieve it again. Each day makes me strong? and makes me weak. I dont want to let go, but what if he's the one letting me go? It hurts for me even more. but what if there is still a chance? When would that be? when he's leaving the country? when we switch to different classes? when i'll switch courses? or when im lying to my coffin and everybody is staring at me and crying? I dont want those days to come. Im scared, yah i am. SUPER, I dont know how to face Reality. Reality that chases me everyday but i can still manage to run but sometimes i have to think that running is not good. Sometimes, I have to stop and face this but i cant right now. im weak, right now. I just wanna be with him, just for now. I still need him. Serouisly. But i cant. we cant and that's the reality is telling me right now.

Happy. That's all.

2008-08-07T23:04:00.002+08:00

I woke up this morning full of smile in my face. I never thought of waking up with this feeling. I'm soooooo happy today as in. I thought it wouldn't be just an ordinary day for me but it wasn't. Last night i asked for a sign and it happened this morning. Thank God! It made me smile. (:

I went to the parlor and had my hair colored. Enjoy naman ako! First Costumer pa ako. Anyways. I was really happy and I cant explain how happy i am. I never felt this happiness ever in my life. Not only because of the sign but also what happened today.

Is it really gooodbye to EMO Songs? Sad Quotes? Sad entries? I dont know. But for sure this one is not a Emo type of entry. This one is about a happy girl. I woke up a while ago and i never woke up like this one. Then I went to the parlor, had my hair colored. The gay told me, "Nako, maiinlove lang lalo boyfriend mo sayo!" haha. No comment, pero natawa na lang ako. Then I went to school na. No traffic. Happy nanaman ako! I saw my long lost friend pa na sa manila na nag aral. See? I missed her pa naman. Then I went to the computer shop to meet Ram, Pao and Ken. HAHA! Happy, another sign was granted. Diba? Winner! haha. Then after our filipino class, an unexpected trip came a long. We watched La Salle's Game at Araneta. Thea, Pre, Hannah especially Ram made my day special. Thanks Guys! Nag enjoy ako. Super Cheer to the max! I lost my voice tuloy.

There are lots of things that happened that really made me a happy girl today.
Behind those sad stories i had, behind those heart-broken things and bad experiences, still i manage to have a happy and unforgettable day. I love GOD! Thanks.

I found out, I still know what life means. I know how to smile or even smile.
thanks to you. YAH! YOU. Thanks!

But still, IMY after all.

I wanna go back.

2008-08-06T21:10:00.003+08:00

It was like yesterday that we had our own smiles in our face. We wake up in the morning having those big grin. We wake up full of excitement of what tomorrow will bring but now, We're just not the old person who seem to be so happy. The person who will just give you a smile without any reason. The person who is inlove, inspired and happy all the time.

I just wanna go back where i still have those smiles. I just wanna go back where I still have him. Back to the time where i laugh hard though it was a ashallow reason for you to laugh. I wanna go back to the time were I felt the whole thing is perfect. Where you feel that there is no one who will make you sad. I wanna go back to the days where I still know how to love, where i know what's the feeling og being loved or the feeling of having someone that can help you in every aspect in life. I just wanna go back to the past and makes things right.

If i can go back, I WILL.

Unfortunately, it wasn't the one.

2008-08-06T00:38:00.003+08:00

It wasn't the one i want to hear, but im still waiting for it.
im still waiting for it.

Its been a week.

2008-08-05T21:48:00.006+08:00

It's been a week since he left my heart. Its been a week since we held our hands together. Its been a week since i had a real smile, a true laugh or even a happy face. Its been a week since I saw myself smiling or saw myself happy. Yah, it's been a week since i felt the love that we had. It was hard at first, accepting that we're not together anymore but it hurts even more when you know you still love each other but the commitment part is missing. I hurts when you know you were both happy having each other when now you're happy with something else. I hurts even more when you'll see him smile and you know you're not the reason behind those smile that he has. Yah, It doubles the pain.

how am i so far? I dont know. I guess Im strong. each day of the weeks makes me weak but Im trying to overcome my weakness. Im trying to smile though it hurts inside. Im trying to laugh eventhough its really funny. Im trying to wake up everyday with a smile i my face even if I mean to have a sad face for the whole day. Im trying to understand the lessons or to listen every lecture even if i just want to doodle what I feel. All these simple things are hard for me, but I tried it and i sometimes accomplish it. but is it worth it? I guess not. so what if i smile? i laugh? i listen? or wake up with a smile? so what if im doing everything that you want me to be, I mean smiling or seeing me being strong? so what? If i dont have you, what's the purpose of these things? Is it worth it? I dont know. It doesn't even makes any sense, but that's what I think.

BE STRONG. that's what me and joanna is dealing with. Problems really makes me weak. They made me cry or even make me do stupid things. that's why im being strong here. Just to see myself smiling though i know its fake. Its the only way to make me laugh eventhough i mean to cry. Being strong gives me the courage of telling him that I still love him and I miss him to death. That i still need him in my life. That he still sompletes me and leaves me incomplete when he chooses to leave me for real. Being strong is the other way of telling a person that Im still waiting for you. It's the only way of showing him that you can still ease the pain. that you can still handle it though you know you're falling a part. Being strong is just like wearing a mask. It hides you from what you really feel. From what you really want to say.

All Im saying right now is only from my point of view. It's hard for me to deal with these things. It makes me give up but not with Love. Like now, Im not giving up on us. but what if he gives up totally? That's the moment where I'll try to BE STRONG for real. If he doesn't give up on us? It's the time that the old Niqui will come back. It will be the time where you'll see me smile again. You'll see me alive again.

Yah, I still miss us. I still miss it even more.
I'm still waiting. Waiting for the right time.

Be strong.

2008-08-02T19:47:00.002+08:00

When i passed by my cousin's house i suddenly thought of asking some advices to her. She's been in a realtionship for the past 5 years. Imagine from 3rd year highschool up to 2nd year college there still together. though they went to different universty it never became a hindrance of having their relationship ended. She said to me, when they were still starting, connection is really there main problem. They also dont connect in some stuffs and they also once ended theirs relationship once but still fixed and tried to connect on some stuffs. She said, even if you just met the person a week, a month or a day ago basta we're willing to love each other everything will be okey. It will not be a reason for some relationship to end. It the Trust, Loyalty and Love is mos important. Communication is also a main ingredient. I asked her, What should i do right now, She said, all you can do is to go with the flow, BE STRONG and dont be so sad. It's yourself were talking about she said. Dont hurt yourself even more. She said "Im not saying find another person that will love you, Im telling you that be strong. Dont give up on him easily but still make it a point that you'll still leave some love for yourself" She also said "niqui, I know you're strong. I know how you handle your past relationships, you even gave me some advice. It's the first time i see you crying infront of me telling that you cant do it anymore? cmon, You're strong" It made me feel better.

I should be strong. face everything with a smile but never give up on us.
I know, I cry some times but in the end I still have this smile whether its a fake or not still im trying. I know I acted stupid this past days but hey? That's what i feel, atleast im not scared to show what im feeling or what Im going through. Im not pretending to be someone im not. Im not strong from the past days but now i know i still have this strength to stan up and be strong. Yah, for you I'll be strong. Im trying.

Thanks Ate, I owe you a lot. If i didn't stop by at your house. I will be crying here in my room while reminscing things. Thanks. Thanks and to you, Hope you can feel that Im trying my best here. Dont worry, Ill be fine. Im still waiting. That's all.

Boring/Weird Day

2008-08-02T18:33:00.002+08:00

I dont know why but this past days i always woke up at around 3:00 am then I'll sleep again then I'll woke up at around 8:00 am. Weird? I dont know. I hope this is not like the Exorcism of Emily Rose where she always woke up at around 3:00am and that hour is the demonic hour because Jesus Christ died 3:00pm so its the other way around. Hmm, Anyways. I got weird with it and all that I do is to go to the bathroom just to pee. haha.

Anyways, how's my day? YAH. It's boring. Just went to the mall to buy pirated CD's. BAD BAD. Pero suki na ako eh! haha. Let's be realistic. (: I bought, Sex in the City Movie, 21, Meet Dave and this Kiss. I only watched Sex in the City because my Dad borrowed Meet Dave then the 21 is broken, ayaw basahin ng DVD player ko! (Ayan, Pirated kasi) haha and the This Kiss is kinda 'weird. It's not like a movie but its kinda like a documentation. hehe. Kaya when i saw it i went HUH?! anu toh?! hahaha.

when i was watching the movie. I never kept thinking of us, what really happened to us. There are some parts that really reminds me of us and I cant accept the fact that I miss him so much and I don’t know how is he dealing with it. Sometimes, I want to stop because I don’t know if he’s getting irritated from what I am acting but hey, It’s not my fault why I’m like this but im not blaming him all I want is just to bear with me for some time. There was this part where Carrie is pouting her mouth because there is something wrong and Mr. Big said "that's what Im avoiding to happen" that strucked me and reminded of him because he doesn't want me to see having those look also. Basta, there are lots of things that reminded us. Gaaaah, I cried where in the part where Mr. Big left Carrie on the day of their wedding. Haaaay, but the good thing about them is they had each other again. Watch it guys, It's perfect for me? I guess. The only thing that me and Carrie differ is She's stronger than me. Super Stronger than me.

Yay, I still have project for NATSCA gaaah, Im not done yet and its due on monday. I dont know, Im not really in the mood going to school lately. Im not like before that im so excited to go to school. I shout "hindi pwedeng walang pasok!!" when there's a possibility that there will be no classes. Im not inspired and I know why. My life was Colorful before, i can see stars around me when im happy. I believe in rainbows, in fairytales, wishes and more but know. My life is Dull. No Contrast. I dont believe in Love. Forever is just a word that makes everybody crazy and for me its literally JUST a word. I'll never believe in those cheesy words again. Unless? Something good will happen. You know the feeling when its the end of everything that you loved? GAH. It hurts even more. He's the one who fixed but teared my heart into pieces again.

YAH. Im still hurt. The pain is still here. YAH. I miss you. I miss you to death.

BAD LUCK.

2008-08-02T07:22:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was one of my super bad day. Super Bad luck! Gaah. I started my day right but ended it worst. I was walking at Baclaran and it was raining still. I was wet and i stepped on a sharp rock that's why i have this icky wound. It's big and it hurts. Something strucked into my mind, "Hindi pa nga nag heal yung sugat ko sa puso, may bagong sugat nanaman" Haay. Sakit Sakit niya. Anyways, because of my wound i stopped at mcdo muna to check my things. Now i remember, there was someone who helped me when i stepped on the rock then when i checked my things my pouch was missing. I have my ipod there, money and some stuffs. argh! I hate that man, pag nakita ko siya sa Baclaran ulit, naku. Pero, I dont know. then, I was about to cry na. Pag sakay ko ng Jeep, I was wet and crying. Nakalimutan ko na tuloy magbayad. That was one of my worst day and imagine i was alone.

So how's my day? you might ask? i mean, before that terrible incident? It was smooth. I guess but day goes by it hurts even more. I miss him even more or even cry more in the night. Everything is different. My smile is different. My eyes. Even seating at the backseat of his car is different. Each day that passes by, i thought i can make it but it makes me weak even more.

Where's the old Niqui? my bestfriend asked. I said she went on vacation. If im not around, I'll be on Baywalk, Luneta, National Museum or in San Miguel by the Bay or even in some parks in the villages where reminds me of us. I'll be on a place where i can shout what i feel, draw what my heart says, sing the songs that reminds us or write in our notebook that supposed to my gift for the coming months.

Let's see what will happen next. He said to me last nigh, for sure there will be a good thing that will happen to me. For sure. I hope so.

It made a difference.

2008-08-01T08:40:00.000+08:00

Haven't you ever felt of being happy in some ways that you can manage to think that somehow you're ok? That you can possibly think that there's still something between you. I felt that happiness yesterday but still there was also a chance were I felt the same old sadness here in my heart.

It was raining and i expected that i wouldn't feel happy. I had bad experiences with rains and plus it makes me feel sad though i dont have any reason to be sad but yesterday I still have the reason to have this inverted smile in my face. But hey, Im trying to smile, laugh or even tell a joke. It's not that hard to pretend ayt? but it makes me feel guilty because what if someone out there is really happy because he/she saw me smiling? It's so hard to show your real feelings because i dont want them to be affevted with my situation. So i guess, ill stick with the fact that Im pretending though it somehow makes me feel guilty. Enough with the guilt stuff, I'll tell you why am i happy SOMEHOW yesterday.

the other night i slept at around 4:00 am and woke up at around 7 which is yeaterday and i had to leave the house at around 7:30am. though it's hassle it didnt bother to ruin my whole day. It started when my dad was talking to his friend. He is really planning to buy me a new DLSR kecause i broke my old one. Gaah, Clumsy me i know. He asked me if 450D is ok na for me, then i said SUPER! it's ok. So, I guess i dont need to shift na talaga? :] but still we'll see. Then when i reached school all of the signs that i asked for God really showed up. Hmm. That's why im KINDA happy! Then, we had lunch together with the boys plus and joanna after lunch we went to hollow lounge and played. They played dota while me and joanna played WINTERBELL. Gaa, enjoy nanaman. Me and Phillip played Counter and i know Phillip sucks. JOKE! :D Anyways. After playing there and it was raining so hard and we decided to run through the rain. GEE, Sobrang, WET WET WET and when i was raining I never felt that feeling, the feeling of being out there and made me smile and said to myself if it isn't because of this rain, we wouldn't be laughing or smiling together for real this time. It left a smile in my face whenever im thinking about that incident again. then after class we decided to hang out for a while the four of us. We went to 14th floor and suddenly when I entered that room, Memories filled my emotions again. There was this scene when i played the song vunerable and i just stared at the window looking down at the people walking in the street of vito cruz and then he went near me, we were both in silence that i dont understand. When i was looking at his face, i stared at those eyes that once melted me and those lips that once held mine. I felt crying at that moment but i kept holding it back. Suddenly, He asked me. Why? I simply answered "namimiss lang kita". Then silence took place again.

I dont know how will i feel, I feel happy because Im with him plus our friends or Im sad beacause what happened to us. If you'll ask me, I still feel both at the same time but what makes me happy this day? It's because of what he said to me in the bookstore. He insisted saying it to me but I made him tell it still. He hugged me and whispered something in my ear, I heared it wrong but when he repeated it, he said. "Miss na kita" It made me smile and made me teary eye. It made a difference. If you just know, how i miss you more.