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Teenage Scar

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am i ready for tomorrow?
Wednesday, July 9, 2008

can you tell me if there's a reason for to smile? As in right now? as what i can see, there's no reason. What's a use of a smile if it's a fake one? to fool yourself and tell that there's no problem at all? or to proof that you can smile outside just no to affect the people around you. I started to ask this questions yesterday. All i can remember from yesterday is tears and questions, confusions and regrets. I wish i didn't got mad so we're still ok right now.

It started yesterday at the cafeteria. I over-reacted? YES, because i didn't like what happened but it turned out that I did it wrong. Yes, He asked for a cool off. I cried to Rita a lot when he left because i didn't expected those things. "I cant handle na you cant accept na magbbreak din tayo" Yah, I know.. As of now, I really cant because we're just starting. We're New in this stuff again but what makes me you think that Cool off is an answer to that but i realize that maybe he really needs some time and space. When i was riding in the bus to Cavite, I saw MOA and decided to go down to take a walk for a while, I went to the spot were we went and reminisce some stuffs. Accidentally, a tear fell down to my cheeks and a the wind blew hard and i said to myself, "Shet, I cant do this.." So i went home and cried and cried and cried while listening to our song. After talking to him on the phone, Tears fell down to my cheeks again and i fell asleep crying.

Then later this morning, My mom texted me we didn't saw each other na because my class was around 7:00 am. She said to me " I heard you crying last night, and you didn't even bother to talk to me. If it's because of a boy, I said to you be sure that they will not make you cry easily. If it's because of your grade, dont be hesitate to ask some questions and we're not expecting a lot from you but i know studies is not the problem it's a problem between your heart and someones heart. I can feel it, you're my only child" I was touched and i was about to cry again, but I tried to force it not to fall. Galing no? My mom can feel if it's with school or lovelife. Parents knows best.

Anyways, i did survived the first day in class not having him all the time though it hurts so much that I can see him ok and not with me, When i see him just passing by me, It hurts me A LOT. but then again, I'm not happy but I'm nervous because he wants to talk to me tomorrow. GEE, im not ready. :( If he will leave me, I dont know how am i gonna deal with it. I just dont know.
About my tummy, YAH it hurts but nothing beats my HEARTACHE right now. 2 years ago was the last time to feel something like this for a guy, some of my relationships this past months were just flings because im still hurt and not trusting guys but when we confessed each others feelings, i didnt hesitate to had a fling, but i decided to have a relationship. Yah, I trusted and Loved him right away, but that what my heart says and i didnt know it will hurt me so much. I thought i was ready again, i was not.

all i want is his Love. Our Love.
I just want to start all over again, or else.
God, if you cant bring us back, might as well take ME.
Seriously, You just taken the greatest part of me.

I'm weak. Please. Dont Go. Please, I need you.