is my dream a hindrance?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
During wednesday, im excited to go to school. I mean almost everyday but wednesday thrills me a lot. I'll wake up so early because my classes will start in 7:00 am. but now, I dont even bother to be in school or neither at our house. I just wanted to be in a beach, san miguel by the bay or even in some place where i'll have a space, where i can cry out loud and shout what i feel today. I dont know what might happened today, but im not interested anymore. Last night, I was really about to finish my life but there a lot of hindrance. Even my dream a while ago makes it a hindrance? I dont know.
I had a dream and it goes like this, I entered a room and no one noticed me, no one looked at me or even had a glimpse of me. I know it was bibstud and I know i wasn't late. So, I grabbed a chair and went beside Rita and Joanna together with Paolo and Ram but they didn't bother to talk to me or even a simple smile.. There wasn't. Then Tubo, our teacher was discussing about a particularly commandment and it was "Thou shall not kill" and he was pertaining that suicide is not the main thing or the only thing that you can do when you cant ease the pain anymore. Then the bell rang, I was talking to them but no one answered. Then i heared rita said, "Shet, Miss ko na si Niqui" then i screamed, "IM HERE! DUH?!" but still they dont hear me. Then they went at Ram's Car and i went to but i still feel im not with them and when they were in the car, no one is talking until we reached a cemetery. I got scared and found out that they were gonna go where my tomb is. I saw Ram crying then someone shouted then my mom was asking me to get out of my bed. When i woke up, I cried again. I felt scared but still i want to end this life. I dont know, I feel so weak. But what i'm doing right now is thinking that we can still be together. Duh?! I wish.
So, Goodluck to me. Im going to school right now. Im gonna see him again. What hurts the most? is seeing him smile eventhough im not the reason anymore. Im not acting selfish here that i want him to be sad or whatever. Im just weak to accept some facts that we're gone. Yah, ever since the day he went away and left me lonely and cold, my life just hasn't been the same. When i look into your eyes the moment that i let you go i just broke down. If ill the chance to be with you again i will sacrifice Coz the feeling that I feel within No other man would ever make me feel so right Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at nightBut I'd rather have you here with me, right next to meI miss the way you hold me tight.
I still love him and Miss him to death.
Is my dream a hindrance?
I dont think so. :