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Teenage Scar

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Friday, August 1, 2008

Haven't you ever felt of being happy in some ways that you can manage to think that somehow you're ok? That you can possibly think that there's still something between you. I felt that happiness yesterday but still there was also a chance were I felt the same old sadness here in my heart.

It was raining and i expected that i wouldn't feel happy. I had bad experiences with rains and plus it makes me feel sad though i dont have any reason to be sad but yesterday I still have the reason to have this inverted smile in my face. But hey, Im trying to smile, laugh or even tell a joke. It's not that hard to pretend ayt? but it makes me feel guilty because what if someone out there is really happy because he/she saw me smiling? It's so hard to show your real feelings because i dont want them to be affevted with my situation. So i guess, ill stick with the fact that Im pretending though it somehow makes me feel guilty. Enough with the guilt stuff, I'll tell you why am i happy SOMEHOW yesterday.

the other night i slept at around 4:00 am and woke up at around 7 which is yeaterday and i had to leave the house at around 7:30am. though it's hassle it didnt bother to ruin my whole day. It started when my dad was talking to his friend. He is really planning to buy me a new DLSR kecause i broke my old one. Gaah, Clumsy me i know. He asked me if 450D is ok na for me, then i said SUPER! it's ok. So, I guess i dont need to shift na talaga? :] but still we'll see. Then when i reached school all of the signs that i asked for God really showed up. Hmm. That's why im KINDA happy! Then, we had lunch together with the boys plus and joanna after lunch we went to hollow lounge and played. They played dota while me and joanna played WINTERBELL. Gaa, enjoy nanaman. Me and Phillip played Counter and i know Phillip sucks. JOKE! :D Anyways. After playing there and it was raining so hard and we decided to run through the rain. GEE, Sobrang, WET WET WET and when i was raining I never felt that feeling, the feeling of being out there and made me smile and said to myself if it isn't because of this rain, we wouldn't be laughing or smiling together for real this time. It left a smile in my face whenever im thinking about that incident again. then after class we decided to hang out for a while the four of us. We went to 14th floor and suddenly when I entered that room, Memories filled my emotions again. There was this scene when i played the song vunerable and i just stared at the window looking down at the people walking in the street of vito cruz and then he went near me, we were both in silence that i dont understand. When i was looking at his face, i stared at those eyes that once melted me and those lips that once held mine. I felt crying at that moment but i kept holding it back. Suddenly, He asked me. Why? I simply answered "namimiss lang kita". Then silence took place again.

I dont know how will i feel, I feel happy because Im with him plus our friends or Im sad beacause what happened to us. If you'll ask me, I still feel both at the same time but what makes me happy this day? It's because of what he said to me in the bookstore. He insisted saying it to me but I made him tell it still. He hugged me and whispered something in my ear, I heared it wrong but when he repeated it, he said. "Miss na kita" It made me smile and made me teary eye. It made a difference. If you just know, how i miss you more.