Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Im weak. It's true.
I thought I was strong, but i wasn't. It hurts even more and I dont know why. There's something that I dont know. Here i go again, being this little kid and my phobia strikes again. Im like having my fear again, fear of closed spaces. That's what i felt a while ago during algebra. I want air. I want air. So, I cutted. I cant stand it anymore.
I know it's weird? over-reacting? childish act? But hey! I myself cant understand why I did it but I just cant get over it. Joanna cutted also, we took a walk. While she was seating at the bleachers, I was running at the Oval in Rizal Memorial. The air was good, it feels like I'm in heaven that i wasn't thinking of what's happening to my life right now. After that, me and joanna talked and talked. Shared some stuffs and She is sad also today. We're in the same situation right now. LOTS OF PROBLEM and it sucks. My heart pumps so hard like there's no tomorrow.
Then I went a ride at the LRT. Up to Baclaran. Went to baclaran church. Met my mom @ San Juan De dios, then went to Makati Med. Chemo Theraphy really makes me feel nervous. Scared and Cry. Yes, it hurts. Super. (though wala pa din tatalo sa sakit na nararamdaman namin ni Joanna) Before the theraphy, this SOMEONE is texting me these weird texts messages. He/She texts my friends and one blockmate. "IM DEAD" daw tomorrow, well. Let's see! :
Then after the theraphy, the texter FLOODED MY PHONE. Puro threats and deadma na lang ako. Ang pathetic kasi ng dating. Harapan na lang kaya? Para mas ayos? Siya yung lumalabas na Duwag eh haaaaaaaay.
anyways, ang weird nitong day na to. One minute I feel ok because you're there then next I feel stupid/nervous/sad/weird because there are lots of things that come into my mind. AYOKO NA MAG-ISIP, MAG PREDICT, MAG ASSUME because it only breaks my heart. Im here, trying to get over it, then one second BOOM! Ayan nanaman.
"You're strong babe, I know that. Please Smile for me" - Mama