It was supposed to be..
Sunday, September 21, 2008
one hour to go and this day is over. I want it over at the same time I dont.
Later this morning, My tummy aches. It hurts like there's no tomorrow. I was crying to my mom while holding my tummy. Gaaaah, I look like a 3yrold screaming so hard because it hurts like hell. then suddenly I stopped and realize, is this just my alibi? but still I ended up crying.
I miss everything. I miss highschool, I miss Gangbang and most especially I miss him. I thought I've moved on already but I was wrong. I viewed every single album that i have here in my computer. Thousands of picture were there, the sweet ones, the happy ones and yeah especially the Last one. I wouldn't forget that, It was taken somewhere in SDA. Why do I miss him a lot? Oh, I know. Today was supposed to be our Monthsary. Every 21st day of the month makes me miss him a lot. Thinking that, i would have been holding his hands so tight today or i would have been seating right next to him and saying those sweet words that we use to tell.
But hey, We're Done.
Some says, I should be mad. others tell me i should find a new one. My mom told me, "I told you" and my dad told me "I tought he loves you?". WAAAAAH. Stop. One by One please. You're drving me crazy. I cant think. I cant analyze.
Whenever i have dinner with my Family or Friends, they always tell me that it's my fault. I shouldn't trust a guy right away. I should have known him better. YAH, I know and Im sorry. Feelings kasi kagad ang pinairal ko, hindi yung Reality. and Im sorry. Is it wrong to Love a person right away? If it's bad then I didn't know it was. All i know those time is that I love him, he loves me and i dont care about the rest. It sucks, i know.
find a new one? I think it's not right. I mean, i shouldn't look for it. It will come but not RIGHT AWAY. There's this one guy who really made me smile for the past week. It's white, haha. I love colors and I love giving them code names through colors. White or Tairo (not his real name) Really makes me smile last 2 weeks ago, I thought i would be happy because I have a new friend. but when he confessed his real feelings and told me the truth i suddenly thought of myself, isn't it disrespectful because it's so fast? or should i trust this guy?
I ran away again. I was scared to Love again. I dont want to be hurt again that's why I ran. Did i just said "AGAIN" three time? Yeah, I did and that proves that i dont want to be hurt for the 3rd time around. I'll take a rest. Focus on my studies and to my friends, family and bowling. I'll face reality little by little. Then after, I'll ask myself If I'm ready. He said he'll wait, I said "Im also waiting". He said "Ill wait for you" then I said "Dont expect, please. That's what I did and It hurt me more."
Cara told me that it's better to move on and be strong and that's what Im doing for the past 2 months and still it hurts. I should be mad but I cant. STUPID ko no? :l
I told myself, no more EMO POST. but hey, Im typing another one. It sucks i know. I want this to be last. I hope this would be. I want to have a peaceful life. No Pain, No fights and No People like them but i dont control those people. I dont have the Remote to control my life. I dont have the power to be numb and I dont have the skill to know first if the guy would hurt me.
I just want to be happy again. Please.
Sana INSOCIO na lang lagi, para happy. Nandun kasi si Crush! Bwahahaha.
Monday na ulit. I wann go to school to learn not to get hurt.
HAHA. I'll just smile tomorrow. Like what Mr. Algeb told us..
"Kahit nahihirapan ka na sa problems, Smile ka lang. Para di halatang di mo kaya"
That's right. It's much better to pretend, they'll never know if you're having a fake or a true one.