Please, let me escape from this.
Monday, September 22, 2008
I want to be rescued from what I'm feeling today. I wanna disappear and never worry about others think of me. I wanna understand why is this happening. I want to know why am i so weak right now where I need to be impregnable and fight this pain that i'm going through.
"Why aren't you mad at him?" others ask me this question and i still manage to run from it. I dont know why and when I ask them if I really need to be they always answer "From what he did, there's no person who would stay loving that person". I dont get it, am I being to weak? From what he said to the girl which is NOT true, i should be mad and i should be wishing him bad karma but hey, Im still ending up
Weak. Weak. Weak.
I want to run from this. Escape from these questions, problems and pain.
Everytime I see him, looking at him from a far away distance. I always ask myself "Hanggang dito na lang ba ako?" It sucks. I know. Looking at him while he's looking at someone else is a stupid move for me. I shouldn't be like this.
I thought I've moved on already but I was wrong.
There are times that I feel like I've moved on, but still there are times that Im still craving for him. Calling other people by his name is a sign that I still miss him a lot. I always shout "Ohmy!" whenever I remember something from the past and realize how happy are we when the five of us is still together. I thougt it would be forever but I was wrong. Now, Im having a hard time believing if the word "forever" still exist.
When I was in the bus a while ago, I made some thinking and realize something. Labong Labo parin ako sa break-up namin. It's really hard to loose someone especially when you guys didn't got the chance to talk about it. As in FULL TALK. Im still looking forward for that day. Im hoping na, if ever we will had that one chance i might be understanding everything. That's why Im being like this, Gloomy, Mystify, Uncontented girl is because everything's not clear to me. Everything's a big question mark.
Im looking forward to it but Im not expecting. I just want that day to come.
Let's do everything one last time. I want it, I'll wait :)
"So let's have one last dance to our first song while pretending this nothing wrong".
I just want to have that last day and I'll see you in my dreams.
and oh, one more thing.
Isn't it weird hearing our song 3 times today. One @ my cousin's computer shop. One @ my dad's car and I didn't mean it to play and last when I viewed his profile in multiply. (Im not a stalker, i just saw him viewing mine so I viewed his) Im still listening to our first skype conversation. haha. stalker? No! I erased it already, dont worry.
I'll see him tomorrow again. I'll see them together again. It hurts, yeah. but c'est la vie.
This is what I feel, Im sorry. Im not over reacting here. I just type what I feel because in this blog, I dont pretend. It's tiring to pretend the whole day now it's time to be the real me.