SABI MO SASAYAW TAYO?
eh, nasan ka na ngayon? hay. masyado lang ba talaga akong nasabik? ♥
La La La.
How's my sunday? Well, its fun. We've spent our sunday together with my ITBA (Imus Tenpin Bowling Association) Family @ Silang, Cavite. We went to the farm and it was sooooo nice. Very peaceful and relaxing. The wind was blowing so hard that i wore a jacket and a long sleeves. It was cold but not toooo much. The weather was inconsistent but it wasn't a hindrance for us not to enjoy the day.
To start off the day, we went to mass together. Then after the mass the Team Building was started. We were broken into small groups and I was assigned to improve the 250/225 Club Finals. After the talk, we had our LUNCH. Our suuuuuuppeerrr duuuupppeeerr yummy lunch. We ate @ the banana leaves and used our hands! SARAPP! :) After our lunch, I couldn't but to sleep first. I went inside and took a nap and before I knew it, it was a very long nap. I woke up at aound 4:30 and i think i've missed a lot of fun but I wasn't toooo late for that. We roam around the farm to pick some veggies and fruits.
after the discussion and everything, i went to the terrace and sat at the rocking chair. I cant help but to think of him. I went EMO again. I turned my Ipod and switch to my "SAD" playlist. Oh well, towel. I miss him so much that i couldn't of anything but to be with him. Grrrr.
We went home @ around 9 pm and my parents went straight to bed. Im still uploading the pictures. You want to view it? Just click this!
ANYWAYS, tomorrow will be another busy day. Me and My mom will gooooo shopping for Christmas presents and new clothes! Yipeeeeee. Night World. Night Robots! :D
how is it that right now, I let myself to fall inlove? I've never got the strength to overcome the feelings that Im starting to have for you. I didn't do anything to make it stop because the siege of love debilitated me completely. I tried to cut it off and ignore the feeling of being inlove but it's not enough because the time we've spent together can never equate the feelings i have for you.
is it too fast? Yes, i know it's too fast. You dont even know that this feelings exist or you dont even know that i'm in a state of extreme agitation or excitement. I can feel the rush of my blood running through my veins when I see you walking from a distance. I can see myself smiling whenever something pops out my mind and makes me remember something about you. The picture of you wearing that oh-so-hot shirt that really makes me feel like shit and i just cant get over it. No one has ever made me feel this way before, the feeling of being happy and excited with a little bit of being sick of being hopeless.
I want it to stop but i dont know how. I never thought of taking this risk because I know it would not lead to any of my frustrations. I cant stop but dreaming and I wont stop from bleeding. If I'll stop this reverie, I might even see myself smiling but if I wouldn't stop this inconsistent feeling, i might broke my heart and regret this for the rest of my life. You always come and go but you stay very low is there a time in my mind when you’ll leave me alone? cause they’ve said to me once i don’t need you but how cant i just accept the frikking truth that you wouldn't be always here by my side.
I dont know exactly what you've done to me but whenever i remember that night it makes me feel like I shouldn't have known you from the start because it wont stop me from thinking "Why did it happened?" and i'll start to think maybe there's something you feel for me but its a hopeless thing anyway. So should I walk away? or stay for a while?
I'll be hanging around just for now. I'd never looked for this, it just came by and I grabbed it. I dont know what this is all about but I know it's about me being what I'm before. I deserve to be happy. I know I deserve it. I always thought of happy endings, but now I've learned that not everything is a fairy tale. I thought fairy god mothers, my dream prince and a far away kingdom always exist but I'm wrong. All you need is a simple man to fulfill the love that you're craving for.
Little N is inlove, dont you think she deserves to be loved? :l
i grabbed this Random Blog post from John Lao :)
APRIL = PIMP
1. APRIL means that you're really good looking.
- really? haha. Im loving this thing! :P
2. Stubborn and hard-hearted.
- Oh yes, but am i hard-hearted? You can change it to HARD HEADED! lol.
3. Strong-willed and highly motivated.
- Ugh, actually.. I dont have any motivation right now for school but it's just for now. just for now. harhar.
4. Sharp thoughts.
- MAYBE. Hmmmmmm, slightly agreeeee. Though some of my thoughts are for play, nonsense and whatsoever! haha.
5. Easily angered.
- Oh yes, When someones really bugging me and puts me on my last nerve, I'll shout to the highest pitch of my voice and he/she will just freak out.
6. Attracts others and loves attention.
- Attract? Hmmmm, maybe? and yes, i soooooo love attention but not to the point that I'll be the EPAL GIRL. bwahaha.
7. Deep feelings.
- Super Yes, I have these deep feelings. I believe that everyting that happens, it happens for a reason. There's no such things as "wala lang".
8. Beautiful physically and mentally.
- OH SURE. HAHAHAHA. No Comment? :P
9. Firm Standpoint.
- Ugh, i guess? hahaha.
10. Needs no motivation.
- SO WRONG. I need motivation. I need. I need one, please.
11. Shy towards opposite sex.
- NOPE, Im not. hahaha. Sorry, but Im a friendly person! LMAO.
12. Easily consoled.
- Oh yes, Im soooooooo easy to be consoled.
13. Systematic (left brain).
- Really? HAHA. I knew it. I knew it.
14. Loves to dream.
- Super, but not to the point that I'll bullshit lots of things! :))
15. Strong clairvoyance.
- UGH? Ano daw? Hmmmm. Tissue please.
- Super, Im the one who's always understanding someone.
17. Everyone loves to be around you.
- YES, My friends and fins. Im the Group Clown, that's why.
18. You always attract attention.
- Really? Maybe because of my stupid/funny/extra-ordinary moves, jokes and looks! haha.
19. You are definitely the sexiest and good looking of them all.
- REALLY? How i wish? Just kiddin'.
20. You know how to get what you want.
- Correct, but now.... I just dont know how.
21. Sickness usually in the ear and neck.
- What do you mean? Yeah. I dont hear well but I like being touched on both parts.
22. Good imagination.
- Sabi nila, Artist daw kasi ehhhh. haha.
23. Good physical.
- Maybe, ngayon lang nung nag colleg >:P
24. Weak breathing.
- YES YES. The doctor told me that it's normal because of my scoliosis and I have asthma.
25. Loves literature and the arts.
- Ohyes, YES! I love literature soooooooo much. Same with arts, they're my 3rd life.
26. Loves traveling.
- YEAHHH, I have a mole on my foooot.
27. Dislike being at home.
- Yes, especially when i dont have something to do.
- I have a high tolerance of being tired.
29. Having many children.
- i want 3 only.
- only when i love what I'm doing. but if i dont, IM NOT.
31. High spirited.
- I GUESS. I dont give up easily.
- if you re post this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days.
(Is it? him? :P )
Some of them are true, some of them are bullshit. Im bored, that's why I grabbed this. Very interesting right? If you want to know yours, just click Lao's name up there and there is a link to his multiply.
Another random crazy stuff to ponder and discovered. :*
"The habit of thinking someone can lead either of two serious consequences. The first one is, Intense addiction with paranoia or falling inlove"
Now i know but I'm not sure, am i really falling inlove?
How's my day? Uhm, it was pretty boring and very early to finish. I went home at around 5 and it's very unsual for me. I always go home at around 7 or 8 because i still hang out with my fins but a while ago it was suprisingly different. I was expecting to end the day so happy but I was wrong. Vince has a Dance practice, Cara will meet her bestfriend and have a party and Joanna will bring Ralph to their house to meet her parents and have a party also. What about me? Ugh, bummer. I went home early and my parents were shocked but happy because im home for dinner. Actually, we just finished eating our dinner. Yummy steak and mashed potatoes! :)
My day wasn't that fun. Im gloomy but I didn't let my fins see it. I still laughed with them especially when we were riding the pedicab, i still enjoyed the photo sessions and most of all i still answered my Algeb Quiz eventhough my mind is not really focused on it. Yes, he's still clouding up my mind. From the first day I met him he didn't left my mind. Every second of the day, he's on my frikking mind. From the moment i woke up till i close my eyes he's still on my mind. is this obssesion? or love? if it's either the two, then why???
I've met him only for a couple of days but it seems like I know him for a long time. We talked, but not we totally dont have any communication. I should be on stage of forgetting him because we dont talke anymore, but it makes me think of him even more. Aaaah, what have he done to me? I'm not usually like this. When I have a crush, I only have a crush. Just a crush. But right now? It's totally different, WAAAAAAAY DIFFERENT. What's the matter Niqui?
I write poems on my paper, Smile whenever something makes me remember of him, make heart doodles on my notes. I even write his whole name in my notebook, ohmy this is ridiculous. This is not me, is this what you call crush? Having his initials on my hand, my paper, on my notebook. Having those day dreams being with him. Looking at him from a distance or even walking through a building which is soooooo far from my room hoping that our path will cross somehow. Please, dont get me wrong. This is not obssesion, I just.
I dont know.
Let love do the rest. Let the emotions take cover. After all, it's just emotions taking me over.
I'm desperate to know how you are, i hope you're deep asleep. Ive been awake for days trying to study every inch of your body in this picture, from a distant state, when I could safely sing, nothing in this world could tell me down it anyway, but like a dream you disappeared, without a sound, without a trace. Sleep well darling, where ever you are, i hope that your happy tonight, and maybe you've found someone who'll love you right. Sleep well darling, i'm desperate to say now I need you now more than ever, but all I could say was goodnight.T his is for a girl back home, he tore down all my walls, Left me for all he had known, But I pushed it all away from me, and no no even if I knew, Even if I knew what to say to you, It's just too late to make you stay. I'm sick of fighting this broken fate, but someone else gets to tell you that you're handsome. It's the last thing I want but its all that I've got, It's the last thing I need but I still carry you in my heart, In my heart.
Im starting to have these mood swings again.
it's so confusing cause i don't know who's right or wrong, are you right or wrong? i don't know how everyone can care for just themselves. From all they're losing , they'll never know what's right or wrong, and i'm right, not wrong. But I'm not saying I'm the greatest thing beneath the sun, I only say things so you won't make the same mistakes, i'll do what it takes. Sweet temptations die for a good time, and you wonder why. Swinging yourself on by in my mind, I wish that I Could see how you are now and it's a sad life, watching everybody live it wrong. It's so pathetic on why hell it has to be the way we are. But you don't need this, everyone is telling you something else. It's so confusing, you never know what's right or wrong, but I'm right - not wrong. So turn it up, give it all you want, remember things that you forgot, now throw them away live or die, the sun will rise, the ocean tide will save it all for another day.
WRITE NO ERASE MODE. I'll type what's on my mind. No erase. Game.
I dont know why am i feeling like this. The feeling of being nervous when you're around. The smile wont get off of my face when you're passing thru me, what is this? Is it the unconditional feeling that everybody's feeling? Oh my, the feeling that Im SOOOO scared to face. I dont know, am i feeling it right?
Days have passed but you still occupy my mind. How is it that i like you this much when the time we've spent together never equate the feelings i have for you? is it the way you make me laugh? or the way you look at me with those strange eyes that really make lost in space? Tell me, is this part of your jokes that turned to serious matter? Oh, please.
Where have you been? You've been lost for a couple of days but still Im thinking of you. Im blaming the person who seats next to you because maybe he's the one who took our communication away. Oops, Just kidding, i just cant believe Im writing like this right now.
Why am i writing right now? What comes out of my mind i write it down without any doubts. Shit, this is nonsense. I dont know, Am i inlove?
Finally, i said the word. "Inlove" I've never heard this since someone broke my heart. Yeah, that 1 month and 2 weeks slump as what he said really made me believed about estrellas and promises. Those stars, roadtrips and everything, everyting that reminded me of us but hey that event was done and in the process of putting in my recycle bin but not to re-use it, but to permantly erase.
Love? Is this love? or some silly old occasional infatuation. I dont know, it's weird that its been a week since i started thinking of him, sad to say Im still stuck with him.
Who's this guy? I dont know. I just met him months ago, but why is he bugging me so much? Geeeeesh, what's with him? Is it the way he smiles? The way he looks? or the way he makes me smile eventhough he's just passing by the hall? argh.
OHMY? Is this, ugh. the thing that Im avoiding. what is it? hmmm. the occasional unconditional feeling? the thing that people like to recieve from someone.
ugh, is this.. LOVE? : god, i cant believe i just wrote this blog. shoot.
I HATE MY DAD. I thought we're okey already but things began to messed up and Im here ending up crying again. Im a person who doesn't like being shouted especially when Im talking nice to a person, actually i was begging for his permission but he end up shouting on me. It was really embarassing because a lot of people heard it my mom's friends were here and they witnessed what happened. It sucks that I ended up being wrong and as usual he's right.
Im so sick of this frikking life. How can I be so wrong when things are sooooooo clear that Im right? and another thing, you dont need to shout coz Im not a retard! I have two ears and their working just fine. Im not a deaf, i can hear you. You dont need to throw things on me, that is so wrong. It's an immature act and it's very embarrasing. Tomorrow, I'll be looking for apartments, condo units or dorms just to be away from this hell. This is not a home for me anymore, this is crap. This is bullshit! Sorry if I have to be like this but Im sooooooooooo frikking pissed and he just put me on my last nerve.
I know that in any angle you would look in our situation, I'll always end up wrong. Congratulations to me and I suck in this. I cant deal with him anymore, I try to understand him everyday. I always seek for God's advice but I just cant absorb. Lots of questions still clouding up my mind and it sucks to know that I cant do anything about it. Im so tired dealing with this crap. All i want is to bring that F*cking Camera to school for our project and you end up shouting those nonsense words that's not even our topic.
Please. Stop this childish act. Be sensitive enough. You're hurting me too much, dont let me walk away from you and loose my respect to you. You're my dad, I respect you but sometimes you need to be fair with some stuffs, especially when it's SOOOOOOO OBVIOUS that I'm right and sad to say, you're wrong.
Hope he can read this because Im sure I cant say this infront of him.
IM SO TIRED AND I WANNA SKIP THIS PART OF MY LIFE.
I wanna be free from this problems, I cant deal with it anymore. Seriously, Im not over re-acting here but this incident happened a lot of times and Im sooooo Frikking Tired with it! : I wanna be out from this hell. I want to have a REAL HOME. Please.
First thing's first, Im okey with my dad. Although, Im still kinda bitter but it's a good news that we're actually speaking with each other later this morning.
So today is a very boring day. I didn't watched Skechers and I hate it. I didn't saw him. Boohoo. I'm not doing anything for school. (Reflection Paper, Schedule, Review for a quiz) I just stared at my laptop for the past 6 hours of my day. Ate and went back to my laptop again. Photoshoot with my pamangkin, changed my blog and that's it. Very lazy, very very very lazy. Nothing for school. Swear. When will I be like Jennifer? haha. Dream on Niqui.
i had a to do list for today but i didn't do almost all of it:
- Do my Insocio Reflection Paper.
- Watch Skecher @ Araneta Colliseum/2pm
- Bring Rylai to the Vet.
- Buy a new book @ Powerbooks.
- Have my 3rd sticker @ Starbucks.
- Review for Comsk1 for the Long quiz again.
- Sleep early to prevent those f*cking pimples.
- Cook/Eat Shrimp Pasta.
La La La La ~~ Photoshoot?
MY MOST FAVORITE SHOEEEEES. Very Comfortable kasi, but i want to replace a dunk for this. Please Lord, make my father understand that's okey for a girl to wear a dunk :))
Later guys. I'll be posting another post later, about what I really feel! I'll be sleeping for a while or watch a tv series or much better, to do my INSOCIO REFLECTION paper. Damn.
I was lying for the past 4 hours of my life thinking about those things that's really making me sad, confused and missing someone. I dont get it, can i just be happy for a while? I thought I'll be ending up this week so happy because it started really nice because of him. Yeah, my week became so colorful because he was around, cheering me up from my problems but now he's the one making me frown.
And it's a sad life, watching everybody live it wrong. It's so pathetic on why hell it has to be the way we are .But you don't need this, everyone is telling you something else. It's so confusing, you never know what's right or wrong, but I'm right - not wrong. - Five Times August :*
It was a sudden wave after a friday. It wasn’t what he said, just the way and I felt so strange finding him right there and the way we changed has led to here. Now I'm not made for this, the truth that she would not admit. The greatest falling stars are in his eyes, not in his lies And it’s all you want, and all I gave but as soon as you turned this way, I was too late now time won’t wait for us, and you say we happened just because? but that’s not the way it’s suppose to be not for me. So let it all go down, Let me turn you around and I will make you smile.
He's really clouding up my mind for this past days. I dont know, I just think of him too much this week. I dont want to fall inlove but is this leading to that place were others call it heaven, the place where cheesy romantic scenes are always seen but for me, it's a thing that Im afraid to happen. It's the feeling were i want to experience but at the same time i dont want to because Im so tired of seeing myself hurt. I wanna be happy, but being happy for me now is seeing him, talking to him and having those cute smiles from him but I just cant have it.
It's so sad that when you cant get the things that are right infront of you. Why should you say those words if you really didn't mean it? Why bother to spend the rest of the night with me and after that be gone like nothing happened? Sure, i get those looks that i cant really resist, it's so cute but still it makes me feel sad.
I can really feel that you're slipping away. I dont have the right to say it but that's what I really feel. Now that we completely lost communication, i cant help but think if you still think of me somehow. It sucks that I dont have the gutts to call you even if you're meters away from me, like a while ago. I've wasted an opportunity that I should have grabbed. You we're there standing infront of the computer and I was walking because Troll Warlord is calling me, i went out and you were playing, I stood from a far away distance before going to starbucks with my fin, when I got back from that coffee shop, I thought you we're still there, but i was wrong. If I grabbed the opportunity, i wouldn't be this paranoid right now.
"He loves me not?" -- Niqui Bernabe.
STUPID NIQUI. Nice job for letting the opportunity pass away.
Argh, i dont know why i feel like this. You? are you feeling the same way too? Or not.
Like they say, "You can never hurt somebody who doesn't feel anything for you." I'm hurt, but as I can see, you're not. Hope you didn't allowed things to happen so that I wasn't lead to believe in Love again but the sad part is, I believed again but ended up breaking my f*cking heart. Sometime, I just want to be numb and ease every feelings that I feel.
I miss you, maybe that's why I'm writing.
I put my feelings into words.
I got tagged by: KYRA
Here are the rules:
1 - Each player starts with eight random fact/habits about themselves.
2 - People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3 - At the end of your blog post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their name.
4 - Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged and to read your blog.
Here are my 8 things about me:
1. I have this Obssesive Compulsive Disorder.
2. I'm a Movie Geek, Book Worm but not the Nerdy type.
3. I love putting different pictures on my wall, everything is black and white then a particular colored picture rises from the others.
4. Gossip Girl and One tree hill are my faves, cant live without them. Shet.
5. Im not good in remembering birthdays, dates or whatsoever. Spare Me!
6. "The Scotts", Edward Cullen and Nate Archibald really drives me insane.
7. I'm scared of Cats, promise. I hate them. Super.
8. Im having a MAJOR CRUSH on Bboy! You know who he is? that's the secret I'll never tell!
I'll TAG them Laterrrr.
tinatamad pa ako, i'm uploading pictures paaaaa! :P
More Bracelets, More Love! <3
"You're a little spoiled, but not spoiled rotten" - Facebook.
I took the test about being spoiled and Im kinda spoiled. Yeah, SOMETIMES I do get what I want but not always, Trust me. If i always get what I want then I'll be the happiest girl in the world but still I dont get everything. See? Im still craving for a new cellphone, for a new Ipod, for a new pair of shoes, for a new lens for my dlsr. I still dont have those things and now i can say Im not really spoiled. Maybe this past days, i became because I spend a lot of money for my clothes but that's it. HAHA. The test was true, Im a little spoiled.
Anyways, how's my weekend? As usual. It's boring plus Im sick so I dont have any choice but to stay in my frikking room. Soundtrip, Movie Marathon, ate a lot of Chips Ahoy, played the guitar, Draw, Write, Blog, Edit pictures and most especially think of HIM. Waaaah, i dont know. For the past 48 hours of my frikking life, I cant stop thinking about him. Yeah, Im talking about BBOY. Wah, he just completed my night last friday. SO KILIG and i dont know what's with the talk thingie but hey, im so frikking kilig that night and i really didn't want to end it, Seriously. but still i need to go back to reality. booohhhooo.
but it's ok, Monday na tomorrow so, i'll get the chance to see him na.
Blah, Blah. Since, i didn't do anything aside from making our Ordev Portfolio because i thought it is due tomorrow but it's not. I finished it a while ago and i was like cramming about it and later i asked some of my blockmates if i have ordev class tomorrow and they answered happily, "NO. we dont have any classes" Shit, but it's okey atleast Im done in advance. so after doing my Portfoio, I went to my bed and watched some Movies, First Movie "Sisterhood of traveling Pants 2" Oh, it was a cool movie. Cute and I love it, even they lost the pants that made them strong, it wasn't a hindrance for them to deblock or to diminish from they friendship but it brought them more close together.
haha. anyways, Im done with the 2nd book of the "it girl" series. Wah, i wanna buy the third book na, it's called Reckless! Yeeeeehoooo. Im so excited! :P
OHGOD. this weekend is so Boring. Good thing it's monday na. I wanna end this term. As in, as soon as possible i wanna go different schedules na! Please. No more morning class and No more blockmates like, ugh. Him? [CARA, Issue nanaman! ((:] haha. peace out men. Or should i say, Whatever men.
The Remix was fun. Really, seriously. I had a lot of fun since afternoon. We we're in the same Room! Oh yes, so Me and My fin (Cara) are soooo having our major kilig moments with our crush. Anyways, not bad for a first timer though we didn't won the experience and the thrill is important. As long as I see my dance mates happy, it's like we won the contest already.
SOOOOOBRANGG ENJOY. Spell enjoy with, Aftaskoo and M. Gosh, i just love it. GUYS, this is just the start. Let's joing more contest and bond more. Emba tayo sa Saturday! ok? :)) Basta, we'll stick together, alright? I love you guys, always and forever! hahaha. Thanks a lot.
AFTASKOO DANCE CREW for REMIX'08
Well, little Niqui has a confession to make. She's not really in to Dancing. *ehem* You heard it right, I dont dance. I mean, i dont suck in dancing but It's me who doesn't really appreciate dancing before but things had changed. Some of my friends and highschool friends were shocked/amazed but at the same time happy for me. they're happy because Im not scared to explore new things in college. Back in my highschool life, it's much different from today. I dont dance except if we are really needed to dance, like P.E. Classes, Class presentation or Cheerdance and that's it. Im the sporty type of girl that you'll always see in Jogging pants or shorts, playing volleyball not Jazz pants and practicing those groovy steps in the dance room. See? Things have changed.
This is the day I've been waiting for.
This is the day where I'll be focusing now. Focusing in to my life.
Intecom. Algeb. Here I come! :))
no joke. swear. I'll listen and I wont cut anymore.
i wont. i wont. i wont. i WONT cut anymore. I've realized. Next term, i'll have a long break just to have Dota with my Friends! Sorry lord. Di na po ulit.
we cutted yesterday and i dont feel like doing it again.
STUDIES FIRST. PLAY LATER. Okey? I love you girls. Let's study, Dont cut! ayt? :))
starting today. i wont cut. promise.
it's already 12:12am in my watch and guess what? I just arrived from school-practice-derma.
I'm so tired and my eyes are closing by itself.
anyways, School was the same shit. Insocio? Argh, we got 75% for our talent show. It sucks even we sang really good. ugh, I guess for us it's fine. anyways, Insocio was still a boring class and forever it will be and we cutted Filip12 just to play dota. ARGH. I know I know, I wont do it again swear. Then there's AlgebX with Mr. Sarcastic/Korni Algeb teacher and most especially Mr. Lim, the all time gay teacher that we have and Comsk1-X is the only subject that I enjoy today.
another thing. Miguel, Bboy, My ultimatr crush just smiled at me a while ago. Oooooh, Sooo Kileg as in MAJOR KILIG TO THE MAXX. I cant help but to smile all night and Dave is getting weird. He laughs about it because since we left SDA up to our LRT Trip, i was saying "Shet, nag smile siya" :)) Sorry na, sobrang happy lang.
anyways, guys. I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow. I'll make kwento but for now, i'll have my super late dinner because I'm starving to death that I can eat a horse and go to my bed coz i can feel my eyes reaching its end and I feel like blinking thrice in a second. Ewww, I'm so sleepy.
NIGHT GUYS. NIGHT WORLD. NIGHT ROBOTS.
Shoutout: Zee. I love this girl! :)
i thought i could catch up with episodes that I missed over the past months. One Tree Hill season five is leaving me behind, even Gossip Girl season 2. Argh, it sucks that I haven't watched any episode in Gossip Girl Season 2 and I've only watched a couple of episodes on OTH Season 5. I feel like there's a big L on my forehead which means LOSER. Gah, I hate it. I've missed a lot of things. I feel like half of myself is lost. haha. That's way over but still, I dont have any news or updates about what's up with "The Scotts" and with the upper east siders.
is it because of school? haha. I dont have any time to search online or even watch few episodes from the pirated dvd's that i bought. grr, i hate myself. I always arrived late because of our practices. Our practices usually ends at 9pm and I'll arrive at our house at around 10:30 or 11:00 pm. It sucks right? When i reach our house, I'll take a bath then immediately go to my bed and got to sleep because the next day I'll be waking up so early because i have school to attend. It's much hassle right now because we have practice everyday, before only tuesday's and thursday's but now it's EVERYDAY. No time for derma, No time for bowling and No time for my Gossip Girl & One tree hill marathon. gaaah, I miss them. haha.
i miss everything that I'm not doing anymore. these are some of the things that I've missed doing with my family, friends, him, her, everyone. even my bestfiends. i miss them, i miss everything before.
- every saturday, me and my parents go to the mall to have a yummy lunch. but now, since my dad had his Hear Attack there were lots of foods that he's not allowed to eat. So, we just decided not to eat outside except there is a very very important celebration.
- watching movies with my friends. mutya, cheska, marian, rheena and of course my super bestfriend that i miss a lot, Mikaela. we almost watch every weekend though we go to different schools before. we make sure that we're not having this gap though we dont see each other often but now since we have different colleges we're having this gap and we dont see each other often. Cheska (UP Los Banos), Mutya (La Salle Dasma), Marian (Ateneo de Manila), Rheena (Up Diliman), Me Im stuck @ Taft and Mika is gone away. oh, i miss them to death.
- having those campokpoking moments with my highschool friends. Physiology08, i miss you guys. I miss the days when we were near ending our highschool life. I miss the Graduation Practices. The moments when we were having our hard times answering those complicated Physics problems. I miss them.
More. More. More. More. I miss a lot. I miss being a highschool student. I really do.
my weekend is so boring. i dont know what to do. i just got my blog edited, read some books, draw some dooodles and that's it. I didn't got the chance to visit any mall this weekend and i dont even bother to talk to my parents that much. i just sat around my room, fixed some stuffs, lie down on my bed, stare at the computer and that's it. JUAN TAMAD is back. I didn't even bother to open my notes to review which i often do last month. I dont know, maybe I'm not inspired that much.
but, I'm inlove. i'm happy eventhough I'm not really in the mood to talk, to laugh, to tell jokes. This is not me, Im Lazy this past days and I hope this coming week will be a new week for me. I hope I'll be active this time in school. I'll listen to hellboy now. Gaaaaaaaah, I wish.
I PROMISE TO BE ACTIVE THIS WEEK. Hindi ako tatamarin and i wont let myself be tempted by Dota, or by Troll Warlord or even Kardel. I'll play dota if it's break time not during class hours. I promise. I'll be a better person this week and to the following weeks. New niqui, coming up! :)
i love blizzard oreo so much. I'm craving for it. Super Craving for it.
Pictures taken after our photoshoot. Theme: "Eyes are everywhere"
Make Up by Toni/Mai Reyes. Snap Shot from me.
-- We need to be this type of girl that Toni wants us to be and she designed the make-up herself.
Do i look like, ugh? I dont know. Just dont get me wrong, Im not stealing someone's image :)
*peace* I mean no harm. HAHA. I love you Toni. I really do plus the 4 girls of my life. Miss you.
Black and White. White and Black.
If I were a boy, I think that I could understand how it feels to love a girl I swear I’d be a better man I’d listen to her Cause I know how it hurts when you loose the one you wanted cause he’s taken you for granted and everything you had got destroyed It’s a little too late for you to come back Say its just a mistake Think I forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you You thought wrong But your just a boy You don’t understand How it feels to love a girl Someday you’ll wish you were a better man You don’t listen to her You don’t care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wantedCause you taken her for grantedAnd everything that you had got destroyed ..
But your just a boy…
- Someday, you'll wish you're a better man.
ugh, is this enough? You left me hanging alone again.
I MISS YOU SIXTEEN, I MISS YOU.
- Each blogger starts with ten random facts or habits about themselves.
- Bloggers tagged need to write on their on blog about their ten things and post the rules.
- At the end of your blog you need to choose 10 people you're going to tag and list their names.
- Don't forget to comment on their site that they're tagged.
- To start this off, I'm a reckless ball of chaos with obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
- Photography is one of my drugs. It's not how lame the object is, it's how you capture it.
- There are days when I only eat street foods for lunch, merienda and dinner. I can survive especially when Isaw, Bulaklak and Betamax's around.
- I love to spent my weekends with my dogs, I always play with them for hours.
- I want to have a dinner with the dolphins while watching the sunset.
- I dont have any brothers and sisters, it sucks that I wont have the chance to have one.
- I want to meet the Gossip Girl & One Tree Hill cast plus Edward Cullen on the side.
- I wanna learn to play the Guitar.
- Next is to Krump, though we some krump steps in our dance, still it doesn't impress me. I wann learn more and be good at it. It's hot when a girl krump! :)
- Lastly, Im not good in Goodbyes. I always run away when there are problems. It sucks that people hate me for being so coward that even saying goodbye freaks me out.
iTag the following people:
i miss mikaela.
i miss my bestfriend, my partner, my twin, my sister.
i miss the days when she was still here beside me. i miss the days when we will laugh even to those korny jokes that we have. i miss everything.
traditional saturdays became lame/boring/nonsense saturdays since you left. i have no bestfriend beside me when i woke up and no bestfriend to jog with. i have no sister on my side to eat my 4 layers of pancake and no twin beside me watching CSI:Miami. There's no partner beside me when im singing our favorite song.
in short. there's no MIKAELA MARIEA UY beside me since my college life started.
she was there all the time. we do things together. shopping, boy hunting, jogging and more. we go dota together and stayed up late just to kill those creeps. haha. we enjoy most of our lives until this news came. She will be leaving Philippines and be staying in Australia.
it was April 20, 2008. 5 days after my birthday and it was also the day were we landed manila. We came from a 3 day vacation @ Cebu. No parents, No Rules and Partyyyy all night. It was fun, it was heaven but we didn't expected hell news when we came back. I was about to drop her off at Multinational Village when her mom called us. She said that she will pick us up and let me stay at their house that night. Since we're super duper bestfriends and my mom and her mom are bestfriends too it's not that hard to have permission form my parents.
the next day, we smelled pancakes and ran downstairs just to eat lots and lots of pancakes then her mom came and told the Shocking news. I got sad.
"Niqui, i think this would be the last day that you'll be eating breakfast with mikka"
when her mom told me that, i cant help but cry. We went upstairs and talked. I thought she knew about this but same as me, she was shocked and she didn't know and she will be leaving very soon. She left April 27 and it was very soon for us. I spent the last three days with her. We went spa together, we went shopping together. We did everything we want but it wasn't enough for us. When the time came, I hugged her so much. Everything has gone fast and the last time I held her hands was the day when I dropped her at the airport.
gah, I can still remember everything. Everything flashes back.
THANK GOD SHE CALLED ME A WHILE AGO.
we talked for 3 hours, long distance and it's very short for us. I made kwento a lot of things especially the things that happened to me this past months. From the happy first term of my life to the darkest 2nd term of my life. She was happy for me but at the same time we miss each other. Now, we're talking to skype and we're both crying. i just miss my partner so much.
I wanna go there. Seriously. I wanna be with you bes, especially now when things are not okey. Things are pretty messed up and Im confused with my life. I need you bes. Swear.
Hope you'll be fine, as always. Dont give up on coming back here. I'll wait or you'll wait for me.
It's gonna be soon, I promise. I really do promise.
How is it? Hmmmmmmm, let me see. So far so Quiet? :))
haha. Nothing special happened this week. It's the same old banana pie but it's much Quiet this time. No more issues, I guess but still there's something wrong. Nevermind. That's life, you cant blame people to be selfish, plastic and irritating.
blah. blah. blah.
On the lighter note, I have the second book of "the it girl" by Von Ziegesar. She's the one who wrote the Gossip Girl novel also. Oooooh, she's one of my favorite author aside from Stephenie Mayer and Candace Bushnell. Anyways, back to the IT GIRL, i just love how the story goes. It's about Jenny Humphrey who went to boarding school at Waverly Academy during her Sophomore year. It's like a version of Gossip Girl but it's more thrilling. Gah, I stay up late just to read this book. Im very attached to it but still Twilight captured my heart and I'm so excited for tthe Movie, it will be on November 26, 2008 and me, cara and Joanna are planning to cut classes just to have the best seat in the movie house! Oh yes, it's friday and it's cutting day. haha! Geeeesh, Im having this traditional look again and Im being so excited here again.
anyways, how's life you might ask?
Well, it's complicated. Swear and I dont know why. Am i making my life complicated? Or am I just thinking so much about so many things that makes me feel stressed out? gah. Im so tired of this. So tired that I want to shoot myself and lie into my comfort zone, it's not my bed but it;s my coffin. To Emo? Ewwww. This is not me, this is over reacting.
So much for the drama, let's get real.
Yeah, for the past days Im so confused. Confused about what's happening to me. First things first, Im not really motivated in school right now. I just want to end this term without repeating any subjects and that's it. Im not even trying to get high grades and Im so not into my subjects right now. I mean, i go to class, take notes and listen but my heart and mind is not fully focused to it. I dont have any boyfriend that can distruct my studies. Flings? Mutual Understanding? Yah, but it really doesn't bother or distruct me. Geeesh. I dont know, I'm just lazy about going to school and get high grades though when I get a high grades I will be able to get a lot of things. First, my dream. Iphone2. Next, Nike Dunk and next trip to Boracay this Christmas Vacation but how will i get those things if im like these? Geeeeeeeesh, everything changed since 2nd term came. It sucks that even people change.
Next one, it's about them. What's with them? Why right now? before, I really want you guys back and now you here there's still a problem. You guys went back at the same time and I dont get it. I dont know who will i choose. I like you, I love you or what so ever still I'm confused. I wanna be free from this. This is not the ini-mini-myni-moo thingie that i can point someone out with my eyes closed. This is not a type of decision that you can erase when suddenly things get wrong. This is a decision where you can live with it forever. This decision is Serious so i should think about it sooooooooooo much because it can affect me, my life and my heart.
How is it that I love you and I like him? How is it that this time, I cant choose. I wanna love you, and I want to stay with you but there's still someone who makes me smile. For the past 5 days of my life I came to the point of giving up. Like, choosing no one between them but I said to myself it's not fair. It's like Im running away again and I promised to myself not to ran away from my problems. So here it goes.
but wait, is history repeating itself? haha.
Anyways. I neeeeeeeeeeed to choose. As in, choose NOW.
NOW. Now. Now. Now. As in, Now.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. tomorrow is the day.
and I wanna be sure about it. Please, guide me. I hope I'll choose the right one.
WHAT HAPPENED TODAY?
School is the same. School still makes me feel, i dont know.
They're still around but issues are getting quiet. Good thing it's over, I guess?
Ms. Katakutan still irritates me despite the fact that sometimes she's funny. She caught me texting again! :))
Mr. Hellboy is still teaching those nonsense economic topics and now I'm listening though I dont care about Macroeconomics.
Mr. Algeb is still Cool/Korny/Sarcastic. Math? OOOOH. I hate numbers. Please.
Mr. Lim? Oh, We cutted classes and played Dota na lang. we were to lazy to have our last subject but promised ourselves that it would be the last time. Anyways, I bet he had his new stories lang for today so I feel like cutting his subject a while ago. Baka puro kwentuhan lang.
Doom Bringer still irritates me as well as Metro Aid. Homo is still around. Gay Parasite is still looking for new True friends together with Manuel. These people are just roaming around SDA and I dont get it, School of Design and Arts is so big that I still got the chance to see them EVERYDAY.
After school, Dance Practice was boring. Didn't dance so much but It was tiring because i was just laughing with my groupmates especially Vince, Major and Cara. Ohmy, ILY GUYS!
then went home. and now I'm typing. Blah. Blah.
So much for the drama, just pass me the popcorn :P
How is it that I can see myself smiling right now and feeling so happy this much when we were just hanging around as friends? What is it? Is it the way you smile at me when you see me walking towards you? or is it the way you look at me, straight in my eyes and tell me "everything's gonna be alright"?
Yes, you're always there. Even the times when WE were still together. You were there until the day he left me. I remember everything, I sat beside you crying and you were there wiping my tears. You were always trying to make me smile but i always thought it wasn't enough. You always pick me up in my friend's house even it's 4:00 am in the morning because Im so drunk and I cant even remember anything and the next day i will call you and you were there to refresh my memories.
YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE. Every single day of my life, you were there. During the most darkest days of my life, you were there. Especially the days when you see me smiling, you were also there.
It's been a while since we had these talks. Awkward moments like that have passed but still the feeling of being confused and I don't know, but I'm feeling quite astray right now. I have so much that I want to tell, things which has lately been piling on my mind about you, me. US maybe. But yesterday didn't end up that well, I was hurt and I know you were too. That's probably why I'm writing, though I'm still quite lost for words.
but hey. it's different now. You have me, I have US.
I took a shower and thought of everything we've been through and it came to the point where i admit that It's better being with you. I've known you since grade4, since the day i had my first menstration or even the day when you got circumscised and It was my dad who performed it. hahaha. so much for that. it's been years since we were together as friends and now we're facing life not just as bestfriends but more than that. I know this time we'll make things right.
This is for us and for the months and years that we will be together. Just let me love you the way i do and i'll let you love me the way you want me to be loved. Let's be fair. Honest and Loyal. All i want is to be loved in return. I dont care if I will love you more, who says it's not right? UGH. anyways. so much for that, i just dont want to remember it and that's the way he likes it.
Who cares about you? Now i do.
I will be always be here like you were before. Thanks for the memories that we will have more.
It's been a while since you held my hands and taught me how to love again.
coz you make me feel like "AAAAAAAAAH, im so inlove" and i just cant help but scream out loud.
This is it, finally i can say this infront of the world.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE US and Forever we'll be together. Im sorry if Im toooooo mushy but i guess it has always been like that. Thanks for everything. I wanna know what Love is and now i know.
It's US. It's LOVE :]