I tried to end but he won't.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
It was a very gloomy day.
At first, I never thought of ending what we have. We were very close yesterday, but we didn't see it coming. Because of a simple lie, it changed everything. I suddenly gave up from all the fights that I tried to fight just to have a nice, happy and loving relationship. I tried a million times but last night I got tired.
Im not the person who gives up easily. I try to fight as much as i can, I try to fix things as much a possible and I try to understand everything as hard as i can but things that i do was not enough.
I loved him, but it's still not enough. I understand him a lot, but damn, I'm still the one who leads to be misunderstand. I try to be loyal as much as possible but Im the one whose been betrayed.
Whenever we have our fight, Im the one who's chasing him and saying not to go and telling him we can fix this, we can start again, we can understand each other more but last night was different. I had the courage to let go and leave him alone. At first I thought he would just let me, but i was wrong. He tried to chase me, stop me from saying those words and even cried and beg for me to stay with him but I was TIRED already from being unappreciated, misunderstand and being betrayed.
He started to say those plans that we have in the future. Those PBA that we're planning to go. He even mentioned that what if one day I'll be walking down the aisle and he's not the one who's waiting for me down the aisle, then I said that's quite impossible. Why, he asked again and I said, I dont know.
He even told me, he wouldn't be marrying someone if it's not me. Then suddenly I asked myself, WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?? -- Now he's the one chasing around. Texting me to stop. aaaaargh. Im confused.
I end the day with him and saying, just let me clear my mind.
Let me think first. and he said he'll WAIT.
I said, Ill never go. just let me think for a while.
He said he's deepest sorry and even cried infront of me and it made me weak.
Now it's up to me, if i'll be back or I'll be gone for good.
is it too late for his black accord to catch me now?
but then again, I still LOVE him.
Weak, yes I'am.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
huwaw. it's been 3 months since my last post.
"OO NA! AKO NA ANG TAMAD!"
but as much as possible, ill be in touch. i miss this though.
BLA. BLA. BLA.
I just dont know how to keep this blog working.
I just dont know where to put my thoughts.
I just dont know what words to put.
I dont even know if im HAPPY right now.
I mean, I HAVE HIM but why am i like this?
I feel unappreciated, useless. I feel like everything i do is not enough for him.
Everything I do, whether it's big or small, it's still not appreciated.
unending fights, arguments and misunderstandings that makes me so weak.
one night we're fighting, the next day we're sweet.
SORRY -- One word that I can't take. Whenever you say it infront of me, i always become weak. I suddenly forget all the things that happened.
Even the worst words that you said infront of me, whether you're drunk or not, whether you're serious or not are suddenly forgotten because of that one word.
SEE. Im weak, and I guess I love you this much.
"People are not getting tired of loving, but people can get tired of being patient and understanding" -- I hope one day, he'll understand every little thing that I did for him. Every love that i gave.
All i want is to be love, the way i love him.